


I'd fall anywhere with you

by novaquill



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Choosing your own soulmates, Families of Choice, Gen, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Past Character Death, Platonic Soulmates, Pre-Canon, Reggie Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Soulmate-Identifying Marks, for the first two chapters at least, somewhat canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novaquill/pseuds/novaquill
Summary: Alex doesn't have a soulmate. He stares at his blank skin in the mirror every day and hopes for a mark to appear, but none ever does. He dies never having had a soulmate, and that's okay with him, because he found something much better with Luke and Reggie.It isn't until he dies and comes back as a ghost that he realizes a mark has finally appeared on his skin.
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Original Character, Alex Mercer & Julie Molina, Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Ray Molina & Reggie Peters
Comments: 153
Kudos: 380





	1. we'll go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos

Alex remembers learning about soulmates and soulmarks.

They say that soulmates are people who are connected to each other on a deeper level, that soulmates are people who love each other and fit together perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle. He remembers hearing a story about the origin of soulmates in his history class, something about Zeus splitting people in two so they would have to find their other half.

Soulmarks started appearing to make that search easier – every pair of soulmates would have a mark that was identical in size, shape and position on the other. The day you got your soulmark was the day your soulmate was born. The soulmark would stay bright and vibrant until the day your soulmate passed.

Some people would wait days, months, even _years_ for theirs to appear, and when it finally did, it was often the happiest day of their lives because it meant there was someone out there, waiting for them.

Alex has gone his entire life without a soulmark. He stares at his blank skin for seventeen years, and he starts to doubt he’ll ever get one.

Alex remembers asking his mom about soulmarks when he noticed her mark didn’t match his dads.

“The mark doesn’t control who you fall in love with, honey,” she cups his face gently as she says it. “I love your father, and even if we may not be each other’s soulmates, we have a bond that’s just as strong.”

He takes those words to heart and Alex tells himself that he’ll be okay, he’ll still be able to find someone that he loves, someone who loves him. The mark doesn’t tell you who you can love, it’s more like a guide leading you toward someone who knows you better than you knew yourself, someone who you were linked to on a cosmic level.

Alex tells himself he’s fine with not having a soulmark since there was no telling when or even if one would appear. It sounds like a weak excuse as he repeats to himself, but he repeats it more and more the longer his skin stays bare.

Reggie has a soulmate. He has a mark to prove it: a small mark on the back of his left arm, right above his elbow. Alex asks him about the mark, if he’s ever thought about who it could be. Reggie tells him that he isn’t sure he wants to go looking for his soulmate. Apparently, Reggie wanted to live his life and see if there was anyone he fell for – them being his soulmate, or rather _not_ being his soulmate, wouldn’t be the deciding factor in his attraction to them.

His parents were soulmates, he’d seen the matching marks, but that didn’t stop them from going at each other’s throats at any chance they got. Reggie admitted that he often ended up in the middle of their arguments and eventually avoided being home altogether. He knew not all soulmates acted like that, but how was Reggie supposed to believe in finding his soulmate, the person most perfect for him, when all he had known from his parents were harsh words and violent actions.

Luke doesn’t have a soulmate, or at least not yet. Alex almost cries when Luke tells him. He knew it was nothing to be ashamed of, but just knowing the fact that someone else, someone he _knew_ and _loved_ was like him was the best comfort he could have asked for. Luke tells him about the girls and the guys he’d fallen for over the years, about how he thought they’d been the _one_. Each story ends the same: they tell him that what they had was special, but his missing mark doesn’t match theirs so it means they aren’t meant to be with each other.

Luke was always cool, calm and collected – he was the one who could get anything or get _out_ of anything using nothing but his smile and his charm. Alex remembers the day he found Luke after school, under the bleachers, his eyes tear stained. Alex hadn’t asked him what was wrong at first, he just knelt down and gathered Luke in his arms, both holding onto the other in a vice-like grip. A few moments pass before Luke’s voice cracked as he said, in the smallest voice Alex had ever heard come out of him, “Why doesn’t anyone want me?” Alex just held onto him tighter and whispered a stream of reassurances as he shook.

“Luke,” Alex says. He can’t help but notice the way his own voice wavers. Luke doesn’t look up right away but Alex keeps talking because if he doesn’t get these words out now, he isn’t sure he’ll be able to spit them out later. “Reggie wants you, _I_ want you.” Luke looks up at him then, his brow furrowed. He opens his mouth to say something but Alex just shakes his head and continues. “I know, okay? I _know_ it’s not in the way you’re talking about, but we still want you.” Luke nods and rests his head on Alex’s shoulder, neither of them saying anything until they got up to leave.

They don’t talk about that night often, but if Alex and Luke tend to stand closer to each other, almost always touching, no one says anything. Every once in a while, when Luke has one of his bad days, Alex will repeat the words his mom told him, tell him that the mark doesn’t determine who you love.

If anyone asks, Alex says he can’t remember much about the day his parents kicked him out but he remembers it clearly, replaying it in his head over and over.

He remembers walking home after practice. He remembers walking in to see his parents, his father red-faced and angry, and his mom on the verge of tears. He remembers his father grabbing his arm, demanding he explain himself. He remembers the overwhelming fear freezing him in place, making it almost impossible to breathe.

Most of all, he remembers the last conversation he’d ever had with his parents.

“Sweetheart, breathe,” his mother shushes him, her own voice wavering. “Just tell him that it’s a misunderstanding.”

Alex stares at her, feeling confused and betrayed and helpless all at the same time. “I-I don’t -”

“It’s alright, honey,” she continues. She smiles but Alex can’t stop looking at her eyes – she looks on the verge of tears and she keeps looking away from him, almost ashamed to look him in the eyes. “Your soulmark will come in one day, and you’ll find your soulmate, make a life with her, start a family with her, _love_ her,” her voice trails off into a whisper.

He doesn’t say anything, _can’t_ say anything.

His mother prompts his in his silence. “Alex, just tell him what he’s saying is wrong, that you aren’t… aren’t _one of them_.”

Alex sputters and clenches his fists, and apparently that’s enough of an answer for his father.

His mom’s hand squeezes his arm in a vain attempt to get an answer out of him. “Alex, sweetie, _please_.” A tear slips out and rolls down her cheek. Alex meets her eyes and he can’t tell if he wants to scream or cry or both.

She’s got a small smile on her face and it’s the same one she would use to cheer him up if he were sad, the same one she would use to congratulate him, to reassure him. Now she’s using it to try and get him to admit to something he’s not – she’s using the smile to try and get _him_ to reassure _her_.

“Mom, I-I,” he almost flinches at how fragile and unsure his voice sounds. He takes a deep breath before continuing, forcing out the two words he’d been meaning to say for ages but never had the opportunity to yell out. “I’m gay.”

His mom lets out a tiny sob. She pulls her hand back as if she’d been burned and turns her body away from his, holding her face in her hands.

For the first time since he’d gotten home, Alex looks to his dad. His face is beet read and Alex can see a vein or two pop out on his forehead and his neck - it would be almost comical if not for the situation. He calls out to him, taking a step forward but his father puts out a hand to stop him.

“Get the hell out of my house.”

“W-what?”

“You heard me. Get. Out!” his voice grows louder and more agitated with every word and suddenly Alex feels like curling into himself and willing the earth to swallow him whole. He wants to wake up from this dream, but he can’t.

His father gets impatient and takes a step forward, all but dragging Alex towards the door. Alex tries to grab at his hand, to pry his fingers that have a vice-like grip on his arm, to no avail. “Dad, please!”

As Alex is thrown out the front door onto the cold pavement, he looks up at the image of his father in the doorframe. “You aren’t my son,” he spits out like the words are poisonous.

The door slams in Alex’s face a moment later and he’s too shocked to move. The gravel is biting into his palms but he can’t think, can’t move. He stares at the door and waits for his parents to come back out, tell him it’s a big misunderstanding, that they still love him. Alex tells himself he would be fine with that – he may never be truly happy but at least he’d still have them, still have his family.

It isn’t until he hears his father screaming from the other side of the door, “I told you you were being too soft on him and look where that got us – he turned out to be a _queer_! He’s nothing more than a f-”

Alex has heard enough of the same words thrown around by homophobes to know what was coming next and he doesn’t want to hear it – not from people who had been his family not even ten minutes ago – so he runs. He runs all the way to the studio where Luke has been holed up in ever since he ran away from home.

It’s only a few weeks later when Reggie comes to stay with Luke, too. He comes by on a Saturday afternoon, his backpack and a duffel bag in hand. They don’t ask any questions, just bring him into the fold, holding him tightly. They’d known there would always be a place for Reggie anywhere Alex and Luke were, and they hoped Reggie knew it too.

“It happened again,” is the first thing Reggie says. “it got _bad_.”

Alex doesn’t say anything, neither does Luke. Reggie needs to talk and be listened to – which is more than he was allowed at home – and more importantly, he needs _them_. Luke throws an arm around Reggie’s shoulders while Alex grabs Reggie’s hand, slowly intertwining their fingers.

“He tried telling me I was making a big deal out of nothing, that I was twisting his words,” his voice is scarily monotone and he sits almost motionless, a far cry away from his usual bubby and outgoing way of speaking. “Then she got mad and told me I was being a baby about it all. Told me I should be _grateful_ I had food on the table and a roof over my head instead of complaining.”

Alex doesn’t realize his leg is bouncing until Luke lays his free hand on it gently. Their eyes meet and Alex knows that look, knows the mix of anger and the sadness battling in Luke’s eyes. It’s the same one he saw the night Alex had asked to stay with him permanently, the same one the night Alex had found Luke that day after school.

Luke’s hand stays on Alex’s knee and so Alex grabs it gently with his free hand. They look back to Reggie and he is staring blankly ahead. The only real sign they get that he is still with them is the faint trembling in his hands.

“When I was leaving, he, uh,” Reggie’s lip starts to tremble, cursing to himself. “he told me he pitied whoever was unlucky enough to be my soulmate - told me I didn’t deserve to have one.” As the last words leave his mouth, the dam breaks and tears start flowing down his cheeks.

Luke doesn’t hesitate to pull him in the moment the first tear fell. He holds him close to him as sobs wrack his body, one hand on his back and the other on the back of his neck. Alex can hear Luke try to stifle his own tears - Luke had always been a sympathetic crier.

Alex lets Reggie’s hand go and kneels in front of the couch to envelop the other two in his arms.

“You deserve someone who is as great as you Reggie,” Alex says with the easiness that comes with the belief behind it.

“You don’t deserve to have _one_ soulmate, Reg, you deserve to have _many_ ,” it’s somewhere between a whisper and a statement which means Luke is speaking directly from his heart. “even if they don’t have a matching mark, you deserve so many people who love you and see you for the wonderful person that you are.”

“He’s right, Reg,” Alex smiles. “the mark doesn’t tell you who you love, you decide that for yourself.” He almost cries as he says the words and he hopes Reggie doesn’t notice the slight tremble of his lips – he was echoing the words of someone who didn’t want him around anymore and it still stung. “Trust me, if Luke and I were able to get matching marks with you, we would – if only to show that the three of us were destined to be together.”

The three let out a chuckle and it dies off into a comfortable silence, each of them wiping away tears. They sit there, enjoying each other’s presence when Luke jolts up. “That’s it!”

Alex can’t remember exactly how it happened, but a few hours later, the three of them sit around, their previous worries all but forgotten as each of them now proudly display the symbol of a setting sun on the horizon.

They’d always been three pieces of the same puzzle, their jagged edges fit together perfectly, and now they have a mark to prove it. It isn’t a “real” soulmark like the other one Reggie has, but it’s a mark they gave themselves because someone obviously made a mistake in thinking the three of them weren’t destined to be together.

Today is _the_ day. Today is the day their lives are going to change forever.

Today is the day Sunset Curve is going to play the Orpheum.

Alex woke up that morning with a pit in his stomach. He lays there and wills himself to calm down, taking deep breaths and willing away the nausea creeping up.

Luke greets him almost immediately when Alex finally gets up. He asks him if he’s excited, if he has any last minute thoughts about their set, if he knows how big today is going to be for them. Any nervousness Alex had slowly turns to excitement, like his body is leeching off of Luke’s ecstatic questions or his glowing smile.

Reggie is still sound asleep, sprawled out on his back on the couch. He snorts and one of his hands comes up to rest over his eyes.

Alex turns to look at Luke and there is a mischievous smile on his lips. It really should scare him at this point, but Alex knows he’ll more than likely go along with whatever scheme Luke thought of.

Before he can say anything, Luke all but sprints over to the couch and _jumps_. He lands with his legs on either side of Reggie’s torso and his hands on either side of his head.

Reggie absolutely doesn’t let out a high pitched scream nor does he jolt up and hit his head against Luke’s. Nope. Never.

Alex tries, _he really does_ , to keep a straight face, but he huffs out a laugh before Luke even hits the ground. As Luke lets out a groan, cradling his nose, Alex can’t help himself from doubling over.

“Ha, ha, laugh it up,” Luke said sarcastically, pushing himself up. “Next time, I’m making you wake him up.”

“Fine, I’ll learn from your mistakes and be far away from Reggie so I don’t get my ass kicked,” Alex shoots back. There is no malice in either of their words, only faint teasing.

Alex walks over to Luke and pulls his hand away from his nose to check the damage. A little red but nothing an ice pack won’t fix. He huffs out a sigh of relief – the last thing they needed was for Luke to have a broken nose as they played the Orpheum.

“Or, _or_ , just hear me out,” Reggie pipes in, holding his hands out. “you could both _let Reggie sleep!_ ” He looks at the other two with a smile on his face but that quickly falters at the unimpressed looks they shot right back. “Well, it was worth a shot.”

As they settle down to eat a quick breakfast, Alex hands slowly move to his wrist, over the delicate marking still on his skin. He still can’t believe it at times, but he has a mark. A mark that he chose himself, that he chose to share with the two people he now considered family.

Alex sometimes wonders about his parents. He wonders what they would say if he showed up back at the house, if he apologized, if he told them he wasn’t gay. A million maybes run through his head and every single time, no matter how happy he may think they’ll make him, each leaves a sour taste in his mouth. They had been ready to throw him out of their lives in a moment’s notice because he didn’t match up to their idea of a perfect son.

A hand on his own shakes him out of his thoughts and Alex lifts his head to see Reggie sitting next to him. “Alex?” One word conveys so many questions: _Are you okay? Is it getting bad again? Is there anything we can do to help?_

“S-sorry,” he runs his free hand through his hair. “I just, uh…” he trails off. He tells himself it’s stupid that he still feels so self-conscious about this. Luke and Reggie have been with him through thick and thin, the good and the bad, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. He tugs at his hair in frustration. He _knows_ they won’t judge him for it, but if Alex can’t even convince himself that his thoughts aren’t ridiculous, how would others take them seriously?

“Alex, hey,” Luke calls him this time, his voice soft and caring. A hand reaches up to grab his and gently untangles it from his hair, intertwining their fingers as they rest on his knee. “There is nothing you could say to us that would change the way we think about you,” he smiles as he says it and Alex can’t help but mirror him.

“Besides,” Reggie adds, rolling up the sleeve of his flannel. “there’s a reason we all have these marks,” he runs a finger over the inked skin. “we’re three people who love and care about each other, no matter what.”

He isn’t sure if it’s possible, but Alex loves Luke and Reggie even more than he did before. He smiles at them and he _knows_ that today will be a turning point: the first day of the rest of their lives.

Alex’s vision swims as the ambulance jostles. The pain starts to fade and a small part of him knows it’s a bad thing but he’s delirious to the point that feeling nothing is better than feeling like you’re burning from the inside out.

Aside from the mark he’d chosen, Alex’s skin was bare. While he was eternally grateful his best friend’s had wanted to share a mark with him, Alex always wondered if a true mark would appear.

He thinks back to his conversation with Luke at the school, when he had told Luke that they wanted him. “Not in that way, but we want you,” he’d said. His words still ring true now, as Alex lay dying. Alex wanted to _be wanted_. He knew Luke and Reggie wanted him, but not in the way that he’d never thought he’d be able to have. 

His eyes close and he hopes and prays to whoever is out there that Reggie and Luke aren’t in as much pain as he is. He tries moving his hands, reaching out to Luke and Reggie but Alex is so numb that he can’t even tell if he’d moved them.

The pull of sleep is too much to handle and Alex dies in the ambulance, spending his last seconds thinking about the soulmates he found, and the one he never had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 10/30: Now with chapter titles! These titles are mainly the songs I listen to while writing this - some may not be directly related to chapter contents, but rather the overall feel of the story/chapter!
> 
> Chapter title taken from Brother by Kodaline (this song may be my faovurite Alex&Reggie&Luke song! this line in particular just felt too good to pass up for this chapter and this story!)


	2. I can't find my feet, I'm sinking in the deep

Alex wakes up in total darkness. He lays there as feeling creeps back into his body, pins and needles sweeping across his limbs.

He sits up and looks around but sees nothing but empty space staring back at him. His mind wanders to the last thing he saw before the darkness: the ambulance was shaking around him, and he was in pain but it was alright because it was going away and then he got really tired and – _oh_.

A pit forms in his stomach as the pieces slide into place and Alex realizes he’d died. He’d died and he’d woken up here. Wherever _here_ is…

On instinct, his hands reach out to his sides to grab onto Reggie or Luke, but his fingers fall through empty space. He looks around and takes in the fact that there is nothing in here except for him and the darkness. Alex takes a shuddering breath and feels a pang in his chest.

He’s happy because if he’s alone here it means Luke and Reggie were alright, they didn’t die.

He’s sad because if Luke and Reggie were alright and they didn’t die, it means he’s alone here.

Alex _knows_ deep down he’d choose the former in a heartbeat but there’s a small part of him, the devil on his shoulder, telling him how much better he’d feel if he wasn’t alone, if he had his family with him.

But there’s nothing to choose because everything is out of his control and now he’s stuck here in this dark room all alone for the rest of eternity and he doesn’t know what to do or what to think about or –

“Alex!”

He whirls around to find Luke and Reggie running towards him. Alex feels like crying, but don’t ask him if it’s in sadness or in relief.

They reach him and he wraps his arms around them, holding them as close as he can. They hold him just as tightly as he holds them, each of their arms straining, trying to keep themselves together. Their hug ends way too soon, but Luke and Reggie start asking questions about what happened and where they are, walking around the dark room.

Alex couldn’t answer any of their questions even if he tried. He didn’t know any of the answers but in this moment his voice refuses to work. All he can do is stare at the empty space around them and wonder what comes next. He feels the lump building in his throat, threatening to choke him out, that is if he could even still choke.

He looks down at his mark and shudders. It’s as perfect as the day they got them and Alex almost fools himself into thinking they were alright for a second. But the punishing reality comes crashing in and Alex _knows_ that the mark should be dark and faded, more like a stain on his skin rather than a painting he wears proudly. The realization causes a new wave of anxiety to crash over him and he feels himself start to take raged breaths, trying his hardest not to hyperventilate.

He died.

He was dead.

Alex had died and so had his two best friends, his soulmates, his _family_.

His legs gave out from under him and drops to the floor, bringing his knees up to hide his head between them. He can hear Luke and Reggie stop, but Alex can’t do anything other than curl into himself, pushing his head harder against his knees.

Alex’s thoughts are running a mile a minute and he’s out of breath. It feels like he’d just finally found his family and they had been one step away from living out their dream, only for the rug to be pulled out from under them.

His body starts tinging with pins and needles before a wave of numbness washes over him and it’s like he’s dying in the ambulance all over again. This time, though, he can feel himself move, so he wraps his arms around his legs tighter.

Alex doesn’t know if he’s more confused, angry, scared or sad, or maybe a mix of all of them. All he knows is that he can feel tears fall down his cheeks and he doesn’t try to stop them. He lets it all out: all his fears, all his regrets, all his dreams, all his anger. He lets it all out and he _cries_.

He sits there and cries until he can’t anymore. His eyes are red and they’re burning but he’s fine with it, at least he still feels _something_ after death. He almost laughs at himself – of course he would try to rationalize the situation by being grateful for still feeling pain. His head hurts from dehydration, his fingers are cramping from his iron grip on his legs and his throat is raw from every sob that ripped its way out of his throat.

“Alex.” He doesn’t even need to turn to know that it’s Luke calling his name out gently. He’s used it who knows how many times since they’ve met, always when it’s a bad day and Alex just needs someone there to talk with.

Alex turns back around and see his bandmates in front of him - Reggie is squatting in a way that can be anything but comfortable, one hand on his knee and the other on Luke’s back while Luke himself is kneeling with his hands resting on his knees, but even from a distance Alex can see the way his fingers flex, itching to reach out and touch.

Luke opens his mouth to say something, but Reggie beats him to it. “It’s alright, dude,” he gets up only to sit himself down closer to Alex. “We don’t know where we are or what’s going on, but we’re here _together_ and that’s all that matters.” He reaches out and gently pushes on Alex’s shoulder, “you can’t get rid of us that easily.”

“These marks,” Luke says, holding up his wrist and gesturing towards their own. “mean that we stick together. We were meant to find each other, to be there for each other, _no matter what_.”

Alex cracks a small smile because who wouldn’t if they had friends that made speeches like those? He repeats Luke’s words to himself in an almost whisper, and his earlier anger and sadness don’t fade away completely but they come pretty close to dissolving. If there was one thing that would lift any rainclouds following Alex around, it was his two bandmates.

“I’m sorry I lost it there for a second,” he breathes out, running a hand over the fabric of his hat. “and thank you, both of you,” he takes a moment to look at each of them in the eyes because he wants them to hear what he says, and _know_ that he means it as much as they mean theirs. “thank you for being there through… everything really. Thank you for the home, the music, the friendship, the love, everything.” Alex hadn’t said anything since they’d gotten to this dark room and now it felt like all the words he hadn’t said were flowing out and he couldn’t stop them – he didn’t want to. “Thank you for giving me a family.”

That puts a smile on Reggie and Luke’s faces and Alex feels a small flame of pride swell in his chest.

“We gave each other a family,” Reggie says as a fact, and it very much is. Each of them chose the others as their family, and none of them would have it any other way.

Alex wants to bring them in close and never let them go, just as he’s sure they’d want to do that same.

Before Alex can even think of outstretching his arms, a creaking draws all of their attention away. The boys look at each other and then back to the door that just appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. There was no wall surrounding the doorframe and there was nothing on the either side of it.

A moment passes before Luke gets up and slowly approaches the door, Alex and Reggie close behind. They share a look between the three of them and they all nod. _This can’t get any weirder_ , Alex says to himself, _At least we’re doing this together_.

Luke grabs the doorknob slowly and twists it. Upon opening the door, there is nothing on the other side, and after Reggie mentions they have nothing to lose, they walk through the door.

Alex never would have expected that door would lead them back into their studio, coming face to face with a screaming girl in pyjamas and fuzzy slippers.

Alex starts keeping a list of all the changes in his life, just to keep track of them: he, Reggie and Luke all died in 1995 but just reappeared 25 years later in 2020; they are now ghosts who could teleport around; they are invisible to everyone but Julie, expect when they were playing their music; Luke has a soulmark.

Alex is having a really hard time coming to terms with that last one.

It’s not that he’s mad about it, it’s really _not_ – Alex is almost as ecstatic about the mark appearing as Luke himself is – it’s that every other change happened to _them_. They’d all died on the same day, they’d come back as ghosts together, they could be seen as a band, but Luke’s soulmark was a change that Alex and Reggie couldn’t be a part of.

Luke notices the mark when they make it back to the loft after their first performance with Julie. Alex and Reggie find him sitting on the sofa, lifting his arm. He isn’t screaming, crying, gasping, not making _any_ noise at all, he’s just staring at the mark that is nestled in the inside of his arm, right by the crook of his elbow. The mark that wasn’t there when he’d died. The mark that told him he _had a soulmate_.

The mark is simple but beautiful and it blends onto Luke’s skin like it was always meant to be there – which, in a way, Alex thinks, it was.

Alex looks to Reggie when Luke still doesn’t say anything, motioning his head to go say something. Reggie just gives him a confused look. “I don’t know what to say! Why do I have to do this?”

“Because you’re the one with a soulmark, Reggie!” Alex huffs out in an almost whisper. “How did you react when you found your mark?”

Reggie ponders the question for a minute before snapping his fingers and grinning. “I have just the thing. Watch and learn!”

Alex tries and fails to contain his eye roll as Reggie slides onto the couch next to Luke and pokes him in the side.

“Heyyyyy,” he drawls. “Luke, buddy, congratulations! You have a soulmark that means you’ve got a soulmate!”

Alex looks at him, and drags his palm across his face. He didn’t have much (read: _any_ ) experience with this kind of stuff, but even he knew that a pat on the back and a ‘Hey you have a soulmate now, good for you!’ couldn’t possibly be the thing to say. “Reg, he knows what the mark means -”

His complaint is cut off by Luke’s quiet, “I have a soulmate,” that he repeats multiple times, finally tearing his eyes away from his arm to look between Reggie and Alex. “I have a soulmate!” He drops his arm and all but throws himself onto Reggie, holding him in a tight hug.

Reggie meets Alex’s eyes when Luke hugs him, and he’s flashing him a smug smile, “I will teach you everything I know, young Padawan.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let it get to your head,” Alex huffs but a small smile cracks through and they both erupt into quiet chuckles.

Luke launches off of Reggie and makes his way to Alex, wrapping him in a crushing bear hug.

As always, Luke’s happiness seeped out of him and filled the entire room, crushing any negativity that was there. Luke was like the sun, always radiating so much light, like he wanted to personally take away any darkness that was in his family and friends’ lives.

Alex remembers Luke’s face the night at the school, he remembers the sadness and pure heartbreak in his eyes. He remembers the sad, scared kid that was afraid he’d spend the rest of his life alone because no one wanted him. That kid is gone now, replaced with someone who knows he won’t spend his life alone: he’ll spend it surrounded by the people who love him most. Luke worked so hard to make other people happy that Alex is glad that he will finally have the chance to get something for himself and make _himself_ happy.

Alex wraps his arms around Luke just as tightly, and motions to Reggie with his other hand, telling him to come join. The three of them hold each other and their happiness and love fills the room.

The moment is only broken when Luke heaves a big sigh and slowly untangles himself from the hug. He sits himself back down on the couch and rests his head, a blissed out smile on his face, repeating his new catch phrase “I have a soulmate!”

“Whoever it is, Luke, they’re lucky to have you as a soulmate,” Alex says as he sits on the armrest next to Luke.

“Trust us, we know,” Reggie laughs, wiggling his wrist with their soulmark on it. “We’ve got firsthand experience!”

A moment of silence passes over them and Luke brings his mark back up to look. Alex scans it over one more time when suddenly, something glaringly obvious comes to mind.

“Luke, you have a soulmark,” he rushes to say, getting up and taking Luke’s arm in his hands.

“I know, isn’t it great?” Luke exclaims, a toothy smile gracing his face.

“Oh so when I say it, it’s ridiculous, but when you say it it’s fine?” Reggie says in mock insult, a hand over his heart. He sobers in an instant after Alex doesn’t respond to the light teasing. “Alex, seriously dude, what’s up?”

“You have a soulmark,” Alex repeats slowly. He knows in his head what he’s saying doesn’t make complete sense, but his thoughts are jumbled right now. “You have a soulmark, _and you’re a ghost_.”

He can tell the exact moments the pieces click into place for his bandmates because both of their faces start to mirror his own. Luke tears his arm away from Alex and turns as best he can to look at it, as if leaning closer to it will give him more information.

Luke’s mark was bright and colourful and vibrant. His soulmate was alive but Luke wasn’t. Someone out there was walking around with a matching mark to Luke’s, except theirs was dark and faded. Because Luke was someone’s soulmate and Luke _died._

“What does this mean?” Reggie asks, trying to get a closer look at Luke’s mark. Reggie’s mark was still as bright as it was in 1995, but this was different. For as long as Alex had known Reggie, the latter had had his soulmark on him. They were surprised to find it hadn’t faded when they’d come back in 2020, but they tried not to think about it too much.

“I-I don’t know,” Luke chokes out. Alex is afraid Luke is going to cry, the way his voice is shaking and his eyes start to get red, but he is surprised when Luke looks up at them with a smile on his face, saying, “but I’m happy, you know? Happy they’re alive. Plus, when I do find them, I can always watch over them, as a ghost I mean.”

“You’ll like a personal guardian angel-ghost!” Reggie chuckles and puts a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I know we say it a lot, but we’re here for you, and we love you no matter what.”

“I love you guys, too,” Luke breathes, wiping at his eyes. He takes a deep breath to try and calm himself down.

Alex and Reggie sit themselves down on either side of him, Alex with a hand on Luke’s knee and Reggie with one on his shoulder. They sit in a comfortable silence and Alex is alone with his thoughts.

Alex tries to ignore the voice at the back of his head reminding him of the obvious: Luke has a soulmark, which means Luke has a soulmate. Luke now has a mark on his skin other than the one they all got together, just like Reggie does. Luke and Reggie both have soulmarks along with _their_ mark and Alex just has his bare skin.

Alex is now the only one in his family without a soulmate.

He doesn’t wish that Luke wouldn’t have a soulmark, but Alex remembers the guilty joy he’d felt when Luke had told him he had bare skin. If Luke didn’t have a soulmark and wound up happy, who’s to say Alex couldn’t as well? He knew the mark didn’t determine who you could love or even _if_ you fell in love, but having someone by your side, someone you’re close to, stand beside you through that was a feeling Alex wasn’t sure he could copy on his own.

He drops his hand from Luke’s knee and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He racks his hands through his hair and lets out a deep sigh. He doesn’t want to spiral with his thoughts, he needs to think of something else so he doesn’t start feeling sorrier for himself than he feels happy for Luke.

His prayers are answered not a moment later when he hears a gasp and a quiet, “Alex!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy halloween! Second chapter a bit earlier than planned, but had time to edit tonight so figured I'd post it!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it! Let me know what you think :D  
> (I read all the comments so far and they made me so happy! I'll try to reply to them soon, just want you all to know I appreciate every single one!)
> 
> Chapter title taken from Lung by Vancouver Sleep Clinic


	3. your memories aren't your destiny

Someone must be playing a joke on Alex. Whoever is up _there_ , watching all of this unfold must be so pleased with themselves right now.

For seventeen years, Alex didn’t have a soulmate. He was okay with that – not at first, but he eventually realized it wasn’t the earth-shattering event he thought it would be. He didn’t have a soulmate or a soulmark, but that was fine with him because he had Reggie and Luke, and they gave him something much better: a family.

Alex had looked up to the stars countless times after they’d gotten their tattoos and laughed. He was on top of the world, he fixed the mistake that someone had made, and found a way to come to terms with his lack of a soulmark. He told himself he no longer wanted another soulmark over and over until it was less him trying to reassure himself and more him saying it proudly as the truth. With the help of his family, he’d found his own way to be happy.

Then, like there weren’t enough changes happening, Alex gets a soulmark. A dark and faded soulmark that tells him the person he’s linked to is dead. Alex can’t tell which part is worse: the fact that he lost his soulmate before even meeting them, or that he now has to wear the mark as a reminder for everyone to see.

The mark is on the back of his neck, close to his ear – somewhere that isn’t too visible at first glance, but also almost impossible to cover up. Alex is just glad it’s a relatively small mark, or at least he hopes it is.

To add insult to injury, Alex hasn’t actually _seen_ his soulmark. They didn’t show up in photos or in mirrors anymore, so it was practically impossible for Alex to ever see his mark. Luke and Reggie had tried to describe it to him, but there was some part of Alex that wanted to _see_ , if not just to have some sort of confirmation.

He wants to ask Julie to draw it, but he doesn’t know if he should. Not so much for his sake, but for hers – Alex tells himself he would swallow any embarrassment he would feel asking her, but he also knows how awkward it can be talking about soulmates and soulmarks with others.

Soulmarks were something that were often out in the open, depending on where the mark was, but stayed private – it was something unique to you and your soulmate, something that connected you on a deeper level.

Reggie had never felt ashamed of showing off his own mark - Luke and Alex made sure of that – and the band themselves proudly displayed their matching marks for everyone to see. After all, most people would assume that the matching marks were tattoos to represent the band, but it was something much more.

They haven’t seen Julie’s mark, and they haven’t asked – she fits in with them like she’s always been a part of the band, but they really have only known her for a short while – and she hasn’t seen their either.

If Alex shows her his mark, a small part of him is scared of her reaction. Deep down, he knows she’ll be kind about it, but he’s just scared to see the look of pity on her face, no matter how well she would try to hide it.

Alex would almost prefer her be disgusted by his mark than give him pity for it – how can Alex be grieving the loss of someone he never met and didn’t even know existed until just a short while ago?

People with vibrant soulmarks often looked at their marks like it was a treasure they wanted to keep to themselves, something for their eyes only, while people with faded ones saw them as a memory of the past, a visual representation of the loss of a soulmate and the stain it left.

Because that’s all the mark was now, a stain of someone else.

The more he thinks about it, the closer he gets to talking himself out of asking altogether. If he didn’t ever see the mark, he could pretend like it wasn’t there. He could go on like he had before he died: perfectly happy without a “real” soulmark, but with _their_ soulmark.

Alex will be the first to admit he isn’t good with change – he often _does_ admit it – but he likes to think, considering the amount of changes that have happened in such a short amount of time, that he’s handling it well – or more like, he’s rationalizing it as best he can.

Dying in 1995 and reappearing in 2020? It hasn’t felt like 25 years, so it wasn’t really all that long of a wait.

Becoming a ghost? He had his family with him and that was really all he could ask for.

Being visible to people if they were playing music with Julie? Oddly specific but it lets them keep doing what they love.

Luke now has a soulmark? Well, Luke’s happiness was contagious and it already felt like it’d been there for years.

 _Alex_ now has a soulmark? That was too much. Alex’s lack of a soulmark was something that had become a part of his identity, just as much as the sunset tattoo is.

His mother’s words echo in his head, “The mark doesn’t control who you fall in love with.” Alex’s bare skin were always a reminder that you could choose the people you love – the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and the people you call your family – and there weren’t any expectations because of a soulmark.

Alex knows that Reggie and Luke love him – they loved him probably more than anyone else ever had, if their matching marks were anything to go by. They love him and he loves them, it’s as simple as that. They didn’t need a mark to prove what they meant to each other, but they have one anyway.

Having another soulmark is something that Alex isn’t sure he’s ready to deal with yet. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back and he can feel the waves of anxious thoughts threatening to come to shore and drown him.

So he goes out and makes his way back to the place where everything still made sense, before the avalanche of changes: the Orpheum.

Alex is sitting on a bench next to a man in a dog costume, talking to another ghost – _Willie_ , he tells himself, _a cute ghost whose name is Willie_ – and it doesn’t feel weird.

He’s known Willie for all of thirty minutes but talking to him already feels like second nature and he can’t figure out why. He thinks that it should freak him out more than it does, but Alex was glad he had someone else as easy to talk to as Luke, Reggie and Julie.

He’s asking Willie questions about ghost… stuff, all his thoughts and worries about new soulmarks forgotten, and Willie answers every silly question with a smile and a laugh. Alex can feel the smile glued to his own face nearly the entire time Willie talks, and if his eyes move down to his lips every now and again, well, who could blame him?

Alex is in the middle of asking Willie another question when he realizes that he hasn’t heard the other ghost laugh in a few minutes. He turns to look at him, only to find Willie’s eyes transfixed on… _something_. Alex follows his gaze and doesn’t see anything behind his arm, so he isn’t sure what- _Oh._

Willie is staring at his arm. Alex had a habit of talking with his hands, and his sleeve must have ridden up while he was talking, exposing the mark on his arm.

“Willie,” Alex calls him gently, looking between Willie and his arm one last time. “Are you, uh – are you okay?”

Whatever trance the other was in seems to fade as he shakes. “Yeah, sorry man, don’t know what came over me.” He runs a hand through his hair, looking down at the ground quickly before meeting Alex’s eyes again. “It’s a beautiful soulmark.”

Alex can’t help but smile as he feels his cheeks heat up ever so slightly. Alex isn’t sure he’d ever heard anyone use the word beautiful to refer to anything about him, and he had to admit it felt nice. That was the effect Willie had on Alex, one little sentence and he was already falling for him – Alex is already too far gone. “Thank you, but it isn’t a soulmark… technically. At least, not in the way that everyone else sees soulmarks.”

He can tell that Willie doesn’t fully understand what he means by the way his face scrunches the tiniest bit and his head tilts to the left, so he explains it as best he can. “It’s my soulmark that I share with my bandmates, Reggie and Luke. Before we… _died_ , we realized that we were the only family we needed, that someone must have made a mistake by not making us soulmates, so we fixed that ourselves.”

He holds up his arm for emphasis, turning to look at his mark and he gives it a warm smile. It’s a smile he reserves for his family and friends, but as he thinks about it more, this mark represents all of those people, so he guesses it’s like looking at the same thing, really.

Alex is shaken out of his thoughts as he remembers where he is. “I am so sorry,” he stammers, dropping his arm and snapping his face back towards Willie, who is already looking at him, a smile on his face. “I just went off on a tangent, I do that sometimes, and I know we just met but it’s so easy to talk to you and I don’t know why and– I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” he groans.

Willie laughs and it’s like he has the same infectious happiness Luke does because Alex finds himself chuckling right along with him.

“I guess I’ve never talked to anyone about it other than the guys,” he explains. “Sorry for just unloading it all at once.”

“No, no, you’re good, bro,” Willie says, putting a hand on his knee, and it takes all of Alex’s willpower not to lay his hand right over his. “It’s… it’s good that you have them in your life, a soulmark is supposed to be special, just like your soulmate – or soulmates in this case.”

There’s something about the way Willie talks about it, something about his voice that makes Alex want to wrap him in his arms and never let go, but Alex has been known to overthink things so he stores it away at the back of his head.

Alex smiles at him and thanks whoever or whatever is waiting on the other side that Willie hadn’t been freaked out by Alex’s explanation - one more thing to add to the things Alex liked about him.

A beat of silence passes and Alex wants to say something but he doesn’t know what. He isn’t sure if Willie is a mind reader or Alex’s emotions are pretty clear on his face, but he breathes a sigh of relief when Willie changes the subject and asks about Julie.

They fall right back into an easy conversation and Alex explains what happened with Julie and their performance, and Willie explains ‘unfinished business’ while referencing a lot of people and things Alex had no clue about, but Willie smiled so wide as he was talking that Alex just smiled right back and nodded along.

When Willie skates away and calls him ‘hotdog’, Alex says he doesn’t like the nickname, but he can feel the smile creep onto his face.

Alex can pinpoint the exact moment he knows Flynn can see them. He watches her expression and he can’t help but smile. It’s one that he’s seen many times since they reappeared: a mix of shock, confusion with a little bit of excitement thrown in.

Secretly, he gets a small thrill every time someone new sees them for the first time, like they’re being let in a best kept secret. He knows Luke and Reggie do too – the giant smiles plastered on their faces would give them away in an instant if they tried to deny it.

They’re playing for an audience of one, in their old studio (which was now Julie’s loft), just to prove that they existed, but they played like it was a sold out theatre. This was something that was important to Julie, so it was important to them.

It was clear that Julie’s friendship with Flynn mirrored Alex’s relationship with Luke and Reggie. Julie had told them about how important it was that Flynn believed her about the guys being ghosts and not another band, and they immediately agreed to play together to prove it to her.

So they perform, Flynn sees them, and she and Julie reconcile. They hug each other tightly and laugh about jokes the boys aren’t in on, but Alex doesn’t mind because it’s a moment for Julie and Flynn, not for them.

Almost on instinct, Alex looks to Reggie and Luke once they’re done performing and can see them both looking at the pair with a fond expression. All three of them were suckers for heartfelt moments, and they all knew it.

He isn’t sure the exact moment they pop back out of sight. Exits weren’t like the explosive entrances they got whenever they started performing, they were more like a fade to black at the end of a movie, something quick and quiet.

They must be out of sight shortly after the girls break apart because Flynn says, “I know I said they were cute before, but seeing them up close and personal like that, I think they’re even cuter.”

Julie lets out a chuckle and pats Flynn on the back. “Flynn, just because they disappeared doesn’t mean they’re… you know, _gone_.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?” she cries, but it’s more of an embarrassed tone. “Until about five minutes ago I thought they were holograms. It’s not like you gave me your ghost manual to follow!”

“Wait a second, Julie – you have a ghost manual and you didn’t tell us?” Reggie asks, almost dropping his bass in his excitement. “Can we at least _look_ at it? I mean, we have a lot of –”

“Reg,” Luke stops him, putting a hand out over his chest. “She’s joking. Don’t you think we would’ve seen the handbook if there was one?” He smiles and chuckles as he asks.

“In my defence, they had a manual for this kind of stuff in Beetlejuice!”

“Yes, because this is exactly like Beetlejuice,” Alex counters. “I can’t wait for Michael Keaton to show up.”

“Well you don’t have to be rude about it,” Reggie says and crosses his arms. He keeps a straight face for all of ten seconds before he breaks out into a smile and soon enough the smiles are mirrored on Alex and Luke’s faces.

“Face it,” Luke laughs, throwing his arm around Reggie. “if we want a ghost manual, we’ll have to write it ourselves.”

“That’s actually not that bad of an idea, Luke! See Alex, I told you he was more than just a pretty face!”

Luke pouts. “Then what about all of those kickass songs that I wrote?”

Reggie gives Alex a pleading look, a cry for backup.

Alex briefly considers helping him out of the corner he’d backed himself into but a split second of impulsivity steers the conversation in a completely different direction than Reggie was hoping: “At least he thinks you have a pretty face, Luke.”

The effect is immediate: Reggie goes beet red, with a slight look of betrayal on his face, while Luke’s pout evaporates and is replaced by a devilish grin.

Alex almost doubles over laughing as Luke turns towards Reggie and wiggles an eyebrow. “So you like my face, Reggie?”

Reggie only response is to sputter out a string of noises Alex thinks was supposed to be words.

Alex looks at Luke and gives him a wink, a small thank you for going along with his plan. He gets a small nod in return and that’s the sign to let Reggie off the hook, just this one time.

“So, about that ghost manual – I think Alex should write it, he has much better handwriting than I do,” Luke says.

“Are you guys seriously going to write a ghost manual?” a voice asks.

The three ghosts turn to see Julie standing by the door with no Flynn in sight. Apparently, in the heat of their conversation, they’d missed the rest of their conversation and their goodbyes.

“Well yeah, I mean who else is better to write a manual for ghost life than _actual ghosts_?” Reggie gestures to the three of them.

Julie chuckles at his enthusiasm and crosses her arms. “You need to know stuff to write a manual. Last time I checked, you guys have a lot of questions about ghost stuff.”

Reggie brings a hand to his chin and considers their next step. “Oh, I’ve got it! We can ask Willie to help us write it! He knows a bunch of stuff about ghosts – he already told Alex some stuff earlier today!”

Just the mention of Willie’s name makes Alex’s cheeks flush and his heart start to race. He can’t help the sheepish smile that crawls its way onto his face, so he ducks his head down to hide it as best he can.

It doesn’t seem to work all that well because next thing he knows, Julie gasps and singsongs, “Ooooooh, who’s Willie?”

Alex sighs and starts explaining his whirlwind of a day, a smile on his face for every word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Innoncence by Nathan Wagner
> 
> Willie and Alex finally meet, Alex thinks about what it means to finally have a soulmark, and we get some good old Sunset Curve/Julie and the phantoms bonding time!
> 
> I promise I will try to reply to your guys' comments soon, I've been really overwhelmed with school and work right now but it will cool off very soon so I'm looking forward to that!
> 
> One thing I should mention - the timeline for this won't exaclty match the show. I can't say exactly what aspects are different since that'll be a semi-spoiler (although I think most of you can guess who it relates to ;) ) but I had already written about half of this story by the time I heard about that aspect, and I couldn't find a way to rework it without restarting the story from scratch. (Im not even sure if this is something that is allthat important to most people, but I just wanted to put it out there haha)
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter and see you next week! :)


	4. and I know it's a different love

It’s only their second meeting, but Alex feels like he’s known Willie forever.

They’re sitting on the bench that Willie helped Alex move not too long ago, and Willie’s talking so of course Alex’s eyes drift to his mouth every now and again.

Breaking into a museum was not something Alex ever thought he’d be doing, let alone _enjoy_ doing, but he’s with Willie, and it was really all Willie’s idea to do this in the first place, so he can’t be held fully responsible if they _did_ get in trouble.

Willie’s held his hand twice already today and the little flutter his heart does each time it happens is enough to make him forget his problems, for even just a few seconds. It’s the same effect Reggie and Luke seem to have whenever they hold his hands, but it’s different with Willie, somehow. Not a bad different, it’s just… different. Like apples and oranges: completely different, but both of them are delicious - the comparison sounds ridiculous even to himself, but it’s the best he can come up with while trying not to get distracted by Willie.

He briefly wonders if Willie would like Luke and Reggie and, more importantly, if Reggie and Luke would like Willie. Alex is sure they would all get along just fine, but once he asks himself the question, it’s hard to steer away from it.

His bandmates were the most important people in his life and they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon, but Willie had quickly made his way onto Alex’s list of favourite people and he hopes he’d be able to hang out with him for a long time.

What would he do if he introduced the three of them and they didn’t get along? His relationship with Willie would change, or end altogether. It would just add to the quickly growing list of changes that Alex wasn’t sure he was ready to look at and -

“You alright there, Hotdog?” a voice, Willie, asks.

“Yeah,” he looks down at Willie’s hand over his and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Yeah, sorry about that, just got lost in my thoughts, that’s another quirk to add to the list, I guess.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that, it’s just part of _you_ , man,” Willie reassures him, squeezing his hand ever so slightly.

“I just… don’t do well with change.”

“Oh,” is all Willie says before tearing his hand away from Alex’s and looking away from him and towards the ground. “If I’d known coming here would make you uncomfortable, I swear I never would have picked this place. I’d never do that to anyone, especially you, on purpose. I think it’s my turn to apologize, Alex.”

“No!” Alex cries out before he can stop himself. He wants to reach out and take Willie’s hand again _so badly_ but he restrains himself, trying to explain himself before any of that. “I mean, no, it’s not anything you did, I didn’t mean to imply that. I-it’s all these changes happening around me and I’m just trying to keep up.”

That seems to reassure Willie, because he turns back towards Alex and smirks. “Well, I hope at least _some_ of those changes are good ones.”

Alex huffs out a quiet laugh because _oh if you only knew, Willie._ “There are definitely some really good ones in there.” He curls his fingers slightly and slides his hand towards Willie’s at a snail’s pace, leaving him the chance to pull away if he wanted. He tries to ignore the way his heart flutters as Willie lays his hand over top his, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Alex isn’t sure that he does but talking to Willie is as easy as talking to Reggie and Luke, and Alex could use this as a chance to spend more time with Willie.

“There’s just been… _a lot_ of changes lately, and as I’ve said I am _not_ good with change. First big change feels like it was yesterday, when we died back in 1995. That obviously wasn’t one of the good changes,” he laughs at the easy way he talks about his death now, thinking back to the dark room where even the thought of them being dead had sent Alex spiraling into his head. “but the rest of them are good changes, I swear. We came back as ghosts, then we performed with Julie and figured out that everyone can see us when we play with her and then Luke and I both had soulmarks appear on us, and then I met you and we –”

“Wait a second, what did you just say?”

“Uh, then I met you? I promise that’s one of the good changes!”

“As much as I’m glad to hear that,” Willie cracks a small smile for a few moments before it drops and he’s serious once again. “I meant the thing before that – you said you had a soulmark appear?”

“Yes?” Alex answers, or asks, or both. Alex doesn’t know where Willie is going with this and it makes him nervous. “I’m not sure exactly when it appeared, but I didn’t have it before I died. Luke and Reggie noticed it the other day, after we found Luke’s mark,” Alex explains.

“I’ve never heard of that happening before, every ghost I’ve talked to has had whatever marks that were there before they died.” Willie runs a hand through his long, dark hair as he explains and it almost distracts Alex enough to miss what he says next, “Is the new soulmark different than your old one?”

He doesn’t want to say it out loud, doesn’t want to admit it to Willie. He isn’t ashamed of it, but every time he’d talked to someone other than Luke and Reggie about it, there was always pity towards him the moment he said it. He doesn’t want to ruin what he has with Willie and stain it with this- this… sadness, but Willie asked him a question and Alex wanted to give him an answer.

Alex pulls his hand out from under Willies and starts tracing over the mark on his arm with his fingers, trying to find the words. He sighs, resting his fingers just below the mark and says, “Yeah, the new mark definitely doesn’t look like this one.” It’s the most he’s willing to say without actually the words “I’ve never had a soulmark” outright.

He looks down at the ground in front of him.

“Then your new soulmate has a lot to live up to,” Willie says. “From what you’ve told me, your other two soulmates have set the bar pretty high.” He grabs Alex’s hand then, threading their fingers like they were made to hold each other.

Alex’s eyes snap up to meet Willie’s and Alex almost cries. Willie has a smile on his face, but it isn’t one filled with pity or sadness, it’s just one of happiness and sincerity.

After the initial shock of Willie’s smile clears, Alex finally processes what he said and huffs out a quiet laugh. “They very much did. I’d almost feel sorry for my soulmate, if I was ever gonna find him,” he laughs. That adorable look of confusion graces Willie’s face again, so Alex continues. “When my mark appeared, it was already dark and faded – whoever my soulmate is, _was_ , he’s already dead and, you know what? I’m strangely okay with it. I mean, I lived the first seventeen years of my life without a soulmark, so I made my own, and that’s good enough for me.”

“I know what you mean – the whole living your entire life without your soulmate part,” Willie says. “I’ve got a soulmark, but it’s been dark since the day I was born, so I lived for seventeen years with a soulmate who was already dead. I remember I used to try colouring it in with markers, just to imagine what it would’ve looked like.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Willie,” Alex says, putting his other hand over their intertwined fingers.

“I’ve had time to come to terms with it, but thank you.”

“You’ve got to admit, though, we do make quite the pair,” Alex jokes, if only to get a smile or a laugh out of Willie.

It does the trick because Willie looks about ready to double over. “We sure do, Hotdog.”

They sit in comfortable silence as their laughter dies down and it almost feels silly now. Alex can barely remember feeling anxious about telling Willie about his mark.

“Thank you for telling me, though, Alex. I appreciate you trusting me with this,” Willie says, which means Alex must have said that last part out loud.

He doesn’t even have time to stammer his way through an explanation when Willie jumps up suddenly. “You wanna know what I do when I’m feeling anxious?”

“Break the rules?”

Willie gives a small laugh and winks at him. “I do that all the time, not just when I’m anxious. When I get anxious, I like to scream in museums like this one – no one can hear you and you just let it all out.”

He screams once and invites Alex to join in. It takes a bit of coaxing, but Willie encourages him to think about the things that are giving him anxiety and screaming at them.

He thinks of his parents and how they didn’t want him anymore after learning he was gay. He thinks of the sadness he felt when he checked every day for a mark to appear and none ever did. He thinks of the pain of dying, of his friends dying, just before they were about to make it big. He thinks of the time he spent crying in that dark room, not knowing what was going to happen next.

He thinks of the moment he saw his soulmark, his first _actual_ soulmark, only for it to be dark and faded, and he lets it all out.

They’re in a museum and they’re screaming and every fibre of Alex’s being is telling him that he shouldn’t be doing this but he’s with Willie and he can’t bring himself to stop.

As ghosts, they may not be able to eat food, but their noses still worked fine and Alex could appreciate food that smelled heavenly.

That is how he finds himself sitting on the kitchen counter, watching Julie’s dad make dinner. Ray is standing in front of the stove, a towel thrown over his shoulder and a wooden spoon in his hand, stirring the pot every few minutes. He’s laughing as he listens to Carlos, who is sitting at the table doing his homework.

Alex smiles as he watches Ray walk carefully over to Carlos with the spoon, asking him to try whatever it is he’s making. Just as Carlos finishes tasting it, Ray moves the spoon up and taps him in the nose, leaving an imprint of red sauce in its wake.

It’s a scene so effortless, yet so overflowing with love that Alex almost feels like an intruder – which he is, in a way, since the other two don’t know he’s even there. From what he and the others have seen, Julie’s family is tight-knit and kind and accepting, something each of the band was missing in their own homes.

Ray is basically the complete opposite of Alex’s dad: he’s open, warm, caring, playful, and most of all, he’s loving. Alex can’t picture his father wearing the apron or being playful while cooking. Hell, Alex can’t even picture his father smiling anymore.

The sudden sound of water rushing out of the tap snaps Alex out of his thoughts, and he turns to see Carlos running his hand under the water to wash off his nose.

“You’re lucky you didn’t get any on my homework!” Carlos states, shutting off the tap.

Ray closes the two step distance between them and offers the dish towel from his shoulder to Carlos, “Oh, so _now_ you’re concerned about what your homework looks like? Last week you handed some in covered in dish soap.”

“That was the past – new week, new me!”

“Oh I’ll be sure to let your teacher know about your new attention to cleanliness,” Ray smirks as Carlos begs him not to talk to his teacher. Ray adds a few spices to the pot and stands behind Carlos, glancing over the papers laid across the table. “What subject are you working on now?”

“Well before I was rudely interrupted,” he says, staring daggers at his dad. “I just started planning my social studies project for next week.”

“Oh, that’s the one with your family tree, right?”

Carlos nods and pulls out a page from his binder. “We get extra points for doing something unique with it.”

“What were you thinking of doing?”

“Well I know Hannah is making a 3-d version of it and Jeremy said he was gonna try and rap about his family, but I don’t know what I want to do yet,” Carlos sighs, scratching his head with the eraser of his pencil. “I mean, there’s already going to be pictures of everyone on it, so I don’t know what else I could add to that.”

Ray hums and looks over the project roadmap. He snaps his fingers and runs off to another part of the house, telling Carlos to stir the pot.

A few minutes later, Ray comes back in the kitchen with a photo in his hands. “If it’s something that has to be unique then, I figured I could suggest this,” he holds out the photo to Carlos. It’s a photo of someone’s leg, the rest of their body is out of frame. “What is more unique than a soulmark?”

Alex notices the marking on the leg in the photo – a mark, about the size of an apple, right below the knee.

“Is that-”

“That is your mother’s soulmark, yes,” Ray smiles at the photo fondly, probably reliving the memory behind the photo. “She never minded showing it off to people.”

“I don’t think I ever saw it before,” Carlos whispers. He grabs the photo from his dad and stares at it intently.

“I know a lot of people like to keep their marks secret, so if this will make you or your classmates uncomfortable, you don’t have to do it,” Ray reassures him, grasping his shoulder. “It was just a suggestion.”

“No, no, Dad, thank you!” Carlos jumps up and wraps his hands around his dad’s neck. “This is perfect!”

Ray smiles, but the moment is short lived as the contents of the pot start to bubble and Ray has to rush to the stove to stop it from all but exploding.

Alex watches as Carlos draws the mark in his notebook before picking up the photo once again, somehow staring at it even closer.

“I thought soulmarks were supposed to be in the same spot on both people,” Carlos question, looking between his dad and the photo. “Why is your mark on your elbow and mom’s is on her knee?”

“That is because your mother and I weren’t soulmates, technically speaking.” Ray’s voice is soft whenever he talks about Julie’s mom. “But we had a bond that was even stronger, because we loved each other.”

Alex can’t help the quiet gasp he lets out as he hears the words leave Ray’s mouth – they sounded almost exactly like what his mother used to tell him. Those were the words that Alex had held close to his heart for years, they were like a mantra to him that he repeated every time he looked at his bare skin.

“So how did mom react when she knew you weren’t soulmates?”

“Oh, it didn’t bother her all that much – my soulmark was already faded by the time we met,” Ray sighs. “Your mother and I loved each other, and that’s all that mattered to us."

“Is it still okay if I draw your soulmark too? It’s okay if you don’t – people don’t need to know you guys didn’t have matching marks.”

“Thank you for offering, Carlos, but it’s okay, I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t feel comfortable with people knowing,” Ray reassures him, ruffling his hair.

“Do you have a photo of your soulmark, so I can draw it next to Mom’s?”

“Why would you need a photo when you have the real thing right here?” Ray jokes. He rolls up his sleeve and makes a show out of posing, showing off his muscles.

Carlos starts drawing and Alex glances over his shoulder to see what it looks like –

Wait.

Alex has seen that mark somewhere before.

On Reggie.

Carlos was drawing Reggie’s soulmark in his notebook.

Because his soulmark matched Ray’s. Because Reggie, a ghost that is part of Julie’s band, and Ray, Julie’s _dad_ , are soulmates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter! Happy Friday :)
> 
> Title taken from Better - SYML


	5. my feet have lead me straight into my grave

Reggie and Luke are trying out different melodies for the new song when Alex bursts in – he runs right through the door, not even bothering to poof in.

The second Alex stops running, he’s gasping for breath he isn’t sure he even needs and his hands are on his knees, trying to quell a burning in his lungs he isn’t sure is really there.

“Alex, what’s wrong?” Luke rubs a hand down his back. It’s a familiar gesture, one Luke uses anytime one of his boys needs contact, a touch to feel grounded. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Alex is too flustered to groan at that, but Reggie isn’t, and he groans loudly enough for the both of them at the terrible joke.

“Oh, so when you say it to Julie it’s fine, but when I say it to Alex suddenly it’s a bad joke?” Luke argues, his hand still stroking Alex’s back. He sounds more annoyed than angry – he had to know deep down how bad the joke was if Reggie, the _king_ of terrible jokes, disapproved it.

“It works with Julie because, she’s alive and, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but _we’re ghosts_ ,” Reggie’s voice fades to a fake whisper by the end. “The joke doesn’t work if there are only ghosts here.”

Luke blows a raspberry at him, swatting at his smug face. He turns his attention back to Alex. “Really though, Alex –what’s wrong?”

“IknowwhoReggiessoulmateis.”

Luke and Reggie share a confused look. “Uh, you wanna try that one more time there, Alex?”

“I know,” Alex heaves in another breath, finally dropping his hands from his knees and standing upright, “who Reggie’s soulmate is.”

This time, Luke and Reggie look at each other with wide eyes, their eyes darting between each other’s and Alex.

“Who is it?” They ask at the same time.

So he tells them about Carlos’ project and Ray’s insistence on helping, about Ray’s idea and the photo he brought. He tells them about the mark Ray has, the mark that matches Reggie’s.

“Ray is your soulmate, Reg,” Alex says.

He watches Reggie’s face for a reaction, but he just stares ahead – he isn’t sure if he was expecting him to cry, to laugh, to scream, but he was expecting _something_. It was an expression that reminded Alex of the bad days, back before Reggie came to live with them, when Reggie’s parents would fight and get Reggie caught up in the middle of it all.

Alex doesn’t like that look on Reggie and he hates that he’s the one that put it there. He wonders if telling them was a mistake.

He raises a hand and opens his mouth to speak, but he stops himself – what would he say? What _could_ he say?

Surprisingly, it’s Reggie that breaks the awkward silence, “Who’s gonna tell Julie?” It’s not his usual chipper voice, Alex can tell Reggie is trying to sound happy, but there isn’t anger either.

“I-I don’t know, but we’ll figure out a way,” Alex is quick to reassure him. He’s made this mess and he’s going to try his hardest to fix it, even if he isn’t sure _what_ he can do yet. “Reggie, are… are you alright? I shouldn’t have told you like this I’m sorry. I just- I saw his mark and knew you’ve had yours for so long and-”

Alex almost topples over with the force Reggie springs on him, wrapping him in a hug. He raises his own hands slowly, before holding onto Reggie just as tightly.

“Thank you, Alex,” Reggie whispers into his neck. His voice is shakier now, and he sniffles once or twice and Alex can tell he’s trying to hold back tears.

Alex hears another sniffle come from beside him and he sees Luke standing them, trying to wipe away his own tears. Alex waves him over and Luke is there and joining the hug before his hand falls back down. They move together so easily, without needing to say a single thing, that Alex is more than sure they were always meant to find each other, to be together.

“I’m happy I know now,” Reggie says, his face coming up from Alex’s shoulder. “I’ve had this mark my entire life and I knew it meant there was someone out there for me, but I wasn’t sure I was ever gonna find that person - I mean, there’s _a lot_ of people in the world, and knowing my luck it would be someone on the other side of the planet.”

Alex can’t help but snort – he wants to tell him he’s not that bad, but he’s known Reggie long enough to know he should consider changing his middle name to ‘unlucky’.

“I used to be jealous of you guys, you know,” Reggie says after a moment of silence.

“Jealous? About what?” Luke asks, looking to Alex for an answer, but Alex can just shrug. They’ve shared pretty much everything with Reggie since the day they met, he has no clue what he could be referring to right now.

“I used to be jealous because you guys didn’t have soulmarks,” he continues, looking at them both as soon as the words leave his mouth. “I know, I know, but please just… let me say this.”

They nod and end the hug. The trio make their way over to the couch and they sit side by side: Alex and Luke sandwiching Reggie between them.

“You guys didn’t have a mark trying to tell you who to be with, or who was best for you. I know it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows for you guys, I just… I always felt like I wasn’t as close to you guys as you were to each other.”

Alex’s bare skin was a constant reminder that maybe there wasn’t someone out there for him, that he was destined to be alone forever. He knows Luke had wanted a soulmark so badly after so many failed relationships, tired of people not wanting him the way he wanted them. They’d both been lonely, but they’d been lonely _together_ – they were able to relate to each other on a level Reggie couldn’t.

“Reg, I’m sorry if we ever made you feel like the odd man out,” Alex puts a hand on his knee as he says it. He wants Reggie to know he means this. “We didn’t want you to feel bad about having a soulmark – that’s something way out of your control.”

“Well,” Luke chuckles, holding up his wrist. “ _Some_ times it’s under our control.”

Alex bats at his shoulder lightly but he can’t help the grin that spreads on his face. “Smartass!”

“The day you suggested we get that was one of the best of my life. Sure I had a soulmark, but it didn’t feel right to me because it wasn’t a mark I shared with you guys.” Reggie lifts his wrist and rolls up his sleeve to show off his tattoo. “I’m glad we fixed that.”

“So are we.” Alex leans forward and now all three of their wrists are exposed, their tattoos proudly on display. “It’s still the best decision we ever made.”

Reggie rests his head on Alex’s shoulder, his gaze falling from his wrist to his arm, to his other soulmark. “I wonder how he reacted when his mark faded – he’d never met me so he didn’t even know who his soulmate was when I died.”

He turns his head up to Alex as he says it and Alex knows what he’s trying to ask: is it better that you don’t know who your soulmate is when they die? He wants to tell Reggie that it’s hard being sad over someone you’ve never met, that there’s still a weird shaped hole in your chest that you can’t fill because you know you’ve lost _something_ but you don’t know what it is – he wants to tell Reggie everything he feels when he sees his faded soulmark, but he doesn’t because that isn’t what Reggie needs to hear.

“I’m sure he mourned for you in his own way,” Alex mutters.

“I just wish I could talk to him, even for just a few minutes.”

“You could always ask Julie, maybe she could ask her dad some of your questions,” Luke suggests. His face scrunches u as he says it, though. “On second thought, I don’t know what kind of questions you wanna ask, so maybe don’t do that.”

Reggie laughs and smacks Luke lightly in the chest. “No, no, it wouldn’t be anything like that. I just want to see him and, more importantly, _be seen_. I never got to meet him when I was alive, and I’d like have a conversation with him that isn’t one-sided.”

Alex hums at that – he understands what Reggie is saying, but he has no idea what to suggest that could help.

“What about Willie?”

Luke’s question catches Alex off-guard. For a split second, he feels the need to look around the room to see if Willie was there.

“What about him?” Alex’s brain still hasn’t caught up with him, it’s now distracted by thoughts of Willie and their earlier meeting.

“I’m sure he would know how to make Reggie visible, or at least he’d know someone who could help us!”

It’s a good idea and it makes sense. They were still new to being ghosts and if Willie was able to teach Alex how to pick up heavy objects, who knows what other tricks he could have up his sleeve? Besides, even if it didn’t work out, Alex still had the chance to go see Willie and talk to him.

Alex smiles and tries to think of where to find Willie.

Willie isn’t able to help them, but he may know someone who can.

That’s how they end up at the Hollywood Ghost Club, sitting front row and center in a room full of ghosts and lifers alike.

Caleb Covington appears and performs like he was born to be on stage. Alex watches the bright colours and the flashing lights, he smiles as Caleb appears and disappears, weaving between life and death effortlessly.

As he finishes his musical number, he sits down to talk to them and Alex can really feel his presence. He’s the kind of man that commands any room he walks into, demands to be seen and to be heard.

Caleb asks Alex about their _magic_ and he keeps looking between him and Willie. Having all that attention focused on him makes him nervous so he says the first thing that comes to mind, and that thing just happens to be about Willie and it takes all of five seconds for Alex to put his foot in his mouth.

Thankfully Willie stops him before it gets even worse. Alex tries to backtrack and he appreciates the small move Caleb makes to reassure him.

Then Caleb steps away, and so do Luke and Reggie, leaving Willie and Alex alone at their table.

Willie tells him that the lifers at the party happily accept a place in the Hollywood Ghost Club after they die and that the ghosts that join Caleb’s crew get to bask in the applause after every song and dance, night after night.

Alex asks Willie about it because he can’t understand why someone would willingly ignore their unfinished business just to party. Being a ghost meant you were stuck in between life and death, not able to do most of the things you could when you were alive, but not able to cross over and pass on peacefully.

He’s only been a ghost for a few weeks and he’s already overwhelmed by the amount of changes that have happened. He doesn’t even want to imagine what it would be like being a ghost for decades, for hundreds of years – how long would it take for the rush of excitement to disappear?

In a weird way, Alex is one of the lucky ones: he may have died, but he died side by side with two of his best friends, and they were still with him when he became a ghost. What did the ghosts who died alone do? Did they just wander around until they eventually found another ghost? Alex had Willie to help him explain things and fill in a lot of blanks, but even that meeting had been completely by accident.

“Why would you wanna cross over when you can just hang out, and, you know, do _this_ forever?” The smile he had on his face slowly fades as he finishes asking, it’s replaced by something else, but Alex can’t quite figure out what it is. He’s looking at Alex like there’s some deeper meaning to what he’s saying. “There’s a lot to, um,” Willie pauses and Alex sees the start of a smile try to fight its way onto his lips. “… _like_ here.”

_Oh._

Before Alex can do anything but look at Willie with wide eyes, a smile slowly creeping up on his own face, Willie gets up and walks away, Alex watching him go.

Alex has no idea how Willie is able to have so much power over him despite only knowing each other for a very little amount of time. Just minutes ago, Alex had been thinking there’d be no way he would accept an after-lifelong chance to stay and perform, never crossing over, but Willie just had to say two things for Alex to imagine what it would be like if he accepted.

Alex considers himself lucky he didn’t fall into the afterlife alone, because seriously, what _did_ the other ghosts do? They probably end up here one way or another. If Alex didn’t have Luke and Reggie, he would probably be seriously considering staying and doing stuff like this forever. Honestly, he probably would’ve stayed _anywhere_ if Willie was with him.

He probably still has a goofy look on his face when Luke comes up behind him, shaking his shoulder slightly, gently teasing him about his crush on Willie. He tries to deny it, but he sounds unsure even to his own ears. When Luke assures him that he’s happy for him, Alex lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

Then, “Alex, you deserve to be happy,” the grip Luke has on his shoulder tightens, “and if you find someone that you want _in that way_ , and if he wants you back, don’t let us hold you back,” Luke tells him, pulling him into a quick hug. “We’ll always want you,” a final whisper.

Alex can feel his heart beat even faster and he thanks Luke. Those words have always been a comfort for them, something none of them heard enough when they were alive, so they made it their mission to let each other know whenever they needed it.

They break apart and then Reggie’s there, complaining about more changes to Star Wars, but they have barely a moment to themselves, to soak it all in, before Caleb is sitting himself down at their table.

He asks why they came to see him, and they tell him all about their soulmarks, vibrant, faded and suddenly appearing.

“Boys, is the dream really to find your soulmates and to go, what, run off into the sunset?” Caleb asks, looking between the three of them. “I know of a way you can find your soulmates, talk to them whenever you want _and_ be seen by everyone, even when you’re not performing.”

Alex breath’s hitches. Sure, they had come to Caleb for help with their soulmarks, but they hadn’t even thought about him being able to help them with their other… _problem_. He had to admit it would be nice to be able to talk to people like Flynn, who knew about them but still couldn’t see them if they weren’t playing, and even be seen for longer than a few minutes while they played songs.

“Join my house band, and you’ll get to experience crowds all over the world cheering you on, hearing and appreciating your music. You could soak in all the applause, the cheer, the joy for as long as you want, and you’d be seen by _everyone, all the time_. No more hologram bands, just… _you_ ,” he says. “You never have to wonder about soulmates or soulmarks ever again, you’ll have all the time and power to get every answer you’re looking for.” He looks straight at Alex now as he whispers, “You’ll never have to be alone again.”

It’s like he knows just what to say, but Alex supposes that’s to be expected from someone who’s been around as long as Caleb has. Caleb convinced every ghost in here to stay with him for eternity, he’d even convinced a bunch of lifers to join them until they died, guaranteeing them a party after dying. It was still too good to be true, but a part of Alex wondered if it would be all that bad, after all, there were _a lot_ of ghosts and lifers like in here – there had to be _something_ special about this place for so many people to feel at home and want to stay.

“Why don’t you boys think on it while you enjoy a nice meal? I’ll bet you haven’t had one of those in a while.” A flick of his hands and plates of food appear in front of them, and he’s whisked away before they can thank him.

Alex’s stomach suddenly aches like he hasn’t eaten all day and his stomach rumbles, making his hunger known, even if not even five minutes ago he hadn’t felt the slightest bit hungry. None of them had eaten anything since they came back as ghosts, they didn’t need to.

They stop talking and start eating, and they don’t stop. Alex was sure that they would’ve gotten sick three times over with the amount of food they’d eaten, but it was just another perk of being a ghost.

The first few notes of the encore hit and suddenly the entire club erupts into a blitz of sound and lights.

Alex is watching it all happen, but it isn’t until Willie gets up and dances along that Alex starts paying attention.

He’s smiling like an idiot but he doesn’t even care. Willie moves on stage like he’s a natural born performer - perfectly on time and blending into the crowd while still being the only thing Alex is able to focus on. This is the first time he’s seen Willie dancing, but now it’s like he can’t imagine him being anywhere else.

Then Caleb and his group are moving closer and Willie’s grabbing his arm and pulling him up, inviting him to dance along.

There’s so much going on that Alex doesn’t know what to do, but when Reggie and Luke get pulled away by pretty girls with blue feathers and, Alex has never felt more like a fish out of water. He looks around but Willie has suddenly disappeared into the crowd.

Alex can’t help but feel disappointed – he’d been excited to dance with Willie, only hoping the other ghost wouldn’t laugh at his dancing too much. It was the first time Alex had felt utterly carefree in… well, _years_ and he wanted to share this moment with the only other person to make him feel as loved and welcomed as his bandmates do.

He turns back to the stage just as Caleb steps closer to him with open arms, “Come now, you can’t be the only one at the party not dancing!”

“No, I know… I’m just… looking for Willie,” he can’t help but look over his shoulders as he says it, one small part of him still hoping Willie will pop up and whisk him away.

But then Caleb calls on two men, Dante and Fuego he hears, and in a flash he’s swept up into their arms and being lifted over Caleb’s head.

It gives Alex a rush he hasn’t had in a while. He wonders if it’s the people or the club but they seem to radiate whatever kind of happiness Luke does because he feels light and _happy_ , even if he is dancing with complete strangers and not Willie.

The two men dance around Alex, all but moving his legs for him as he gets twirled and lead on the dancefloor. They move so quickly that Alex almost misses the flash of black in the otherwise bright and colourful party- _Willie_!

His mood brightens even more so and Luke would laugh that he looks as excited as a puppy as he waves his arm, inviting Willie to come join him.

Alex goes to call out but it’s then he notices there’s something… off about Willie. The last time he’d seen Willie, he had a giant smile plastered on his face and he was _laughing_. It was so happy and carefree and so… _Willie_. Now, though, Willie looks almost confused and somewhat hurt.

It’s not an expression Alex likes seeing on anyone, let alone someone he cares about.

Willie bolts, running off to somewhere Alex can’t see, and just like that, there’s no more dark colours to contrast with the bright ones and Alex can’t even tell which direction Willie ran off to.

He wants to go after him, no, he _needs_ to go after him, to make sure he’s alright. Alex would rather Willie tell him if it was something he did, or didn’t do, instead of being left to wonder. He barely has time to move his toes before Dante and Fuego pull his attention back, one of them pushing him into the other and the dance start back up again as if it never stopped.

One of them takes him in their arms and dips him backwards, and Alex jolts a little as he feels Caleb’s cold hand on his neck. There’s a sudden, intense tingling on his neck, like the pins and needles of a foot that’s fallen asleep. He can feel it wash over his neck and seep into his skin before dulling almost completely as he gets lifted back up.

Dante and Fuego keep twirling him around and it’s like all of Alex’s worries melt away, until he can’t even remember anything other than being happy and carefree while he dances.

The moment Luke realizes what time it is also happens to be the moment Alex somehow ends up hanging from the ceiling in a hoop.

It doesn’t take long for Alex to poof down or for Luke to grab onto his arm and start dragging him toward the exit. They’re just about to leave when Caleb stops them at the door, asking them to reconsider his offer.

They reject his offer and Caleb seems weirdly… okay with it. Alex figured that if Caleb was the type that demanded to be seen in a room, he was only one to be used to getting what he wants. Alex hoped there wasn’t a consequence for saying no to him but his fear of letting Julie down outweighed whatever feeling that thought evoked in him.

Caleb promises them they’re welcome to come back anytime with questions about their soulmates and their soulmarks, he just needs to give them a stamp to get them full access.

They turn over their bare wrists – they didn’t want anything covering up their soulmark – and Caleb grabs their wrists one by one and a bright purple circle appears. Alex feels the same light buzz he’d felt when Caleb held his neck while he was dancing.

He assures them it’s just a club stamp and they’re one their way, not before Alex can give Caleb a message to pass on to Willie.

They rush to Julie’s school as quickly as they can and while the other two keep rubbing their newly marked wrists, Alex can’t help but rub at his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy friday!  
> This may be one of my favourite chapters I've written so far, so I hope you guys like it. The HGC scene was probably one of the scenes I was most excited to translate into this universe because there's just... so much going on. Rewatching it to help me write it, I found so many little things I hadn't noticed before. Do you ever see something you hadn't noticed before and suddenly it's like a lightbulb went off? yeah, that was me rewatching that scene because it actually helped me make the storyline more interesting (I think anyway) - no telling what the scene is though because of possible spoilers ;) 
> 
> Chapter title is from Glass Heart Hymn by Paper Route


	6. we'll toast what could have been

Alex watches as Reggie moves the plate around the table, always just out of reach of the girl who is glued to her phone. To others it would seem silly to get so much joy out of something so ridiculous, but Alex and Luke always envied Reggie’s ability to find little pockets of joy and happiness wherever he could. 

He moves it four or five times before she finally realizes and grabs the plate from him. She looks around quickly, probably hoping no one saw her fumble for her plate before grabbing said plate and walking away.

There’s now an empty seat between him and Reggie and Alex finally takes a good look at the people around them. Alex secretly loved people-watching. Not in a creepy way – although Alex can’t tell if it’s more or less creepy now that he’s a ghost and people can’t actually see him watching them - it was just something strangely calming. Sometimes Alex just needed _something_ to think about other than whatever was worrying him so he would sit back and watch as the world moved around him.

A young teenager is by the window, holding her hand out flat in front of her. Alex can’t see any rings or jewelry on her, but she’s trying to take a photo of something. It isn’t until she smiles and brings her hand up to check the photo she just took that Alex sees the delicate design of her soulmark on the side of her hand. Julie had told them about all the apps that were supposed to “help you find your soulmate” using a photo, so maybe the girl was trying to find “the one” using the internet – it wouldn’t be the craziest thing Alex had heard.

A young guy was standing in line, waiting to pay. He’s talking to someone on his phone, rolling his eyes and smiling at whatever the other person had said. “You think that’s difficult? Try growing up as an identical twin! We still have an uncle who can’t tell them and me apart – our soulmarks are the only thing that are different enough for him apparently!”

Another woman is getting up from her seat and fiddling with something in her bag. She drops whatever it is she’s holding and curses while bending down to pick it up. Her long hair falls in her face and she tucks it behind her ear. Alex wouldn’t have thought anything of it but she freezes momentarily and that’s when he notices the faded mark on her neck. She scans the room quickly before pulling the hair back in front of her ear, covering up her mark. 

Reggie gently nudges him under the table with his foot, calling his name. “Who’s the most interesting one so far?”

Alex’s eyes go wide and he swallows roughly, “Uh – I, uh- what do-”

“Alex, we’ve known each other for how many years now? Luke and I both know people-watching is your guilty pleasure,” he chuckles, nudging Alex again with his foot. “You make the most _adorable_ face when you do it.”

Alex laughs and nudges him right back, “Oh shut up, I don’t make a face!”

“Pfft, you do to! Your nose scrunches up the tiniest bit and you get this almost-smile!”

“Should I be worried that you two seem to watch me so much? That seems like something a stalker would do.”

Reggie leans forward on the table, “Oh definitely,” he whispers. He looks around the room, exaggerating his movements for dramatic effect. “For all you know, we could be plotting to kill you.”

“Well I’d say you missed your window on that by about… 25 years,” Alex chuckles. “But if you’re still trying to kill me, maybe I should reconsider this whole friendship thing.”

“Unfortunately that’s not possible,” Reggie points to his covered wrist. “You missed the 30 day return period so you’re stuck with us. No take-backs!”

They smile at each other and there’s a few moments of silence before Reggie’s nudging him again. “You never did answer my question – anyone interesting yet?”

Alex explains the different people he’s seen as they wait for Luke to get back.

There’s another jolt and it stings. It’s not the worst pain Alex has ever felt – dying will forever have that designation – it feels more like a punch to the arm, something that hurts but is over in a quick second.

They all wince and Luke rationalizes that it must be all the food they ate. It makes sense, but a small part of Alex wonders if it’s something else – the food doesn’t explain the tingling on the back of his neck.

He rubs the back of his neck for a moment as he waits for the sensation to stop. It’s happened both times that they’ve gotten a jolt and Alex can’t help but think they’re connected – after all, this feeling only started once the jolts did, so maybe it was just an aftershock?

The more Alex thinks about it, he realizes that he’s felt this pain before the jolts even started. Most of the night was a blur of bright lights and dancing, but Alex still remembers dancing with Dante and Fuego and feeling that same tingle when he got dipped backwards and -

He loses his train of thought the moment he glances outside. He has to do a double take, but he’s sure he’s looking at Willie, who is looking back in at him.

Alex has the sudden urge to get up and go try and talk to the other ghost. It hasn’t even been a day but Alex had already started to miss Willie.

They hadn’t actually said goodbye yesterday and Willie left in such a rush that Alex couldn’t help but think something bad had happened. He still remembers the look on Willie’s face right before he sprinted away and he wants nothing more than see him smile again.

He’s out of his chair before he can even think of what he’s going to say, but Willie is already gone by the time Alex gets outside.

Alex looks around for him, trying to listen for the sound of the skateboard or to see the cracked gray helmet in the crowd but everything’s too loud and there’s too many people to be able to find Willie. It’s like he vanished into thin air, like a –

Alex doesn’t even finish that thought as he groans – the ghost jokes Reggie had started making were starting to get to him and he wasn’t in the mood right now.

Why didn’t Willie want to talk to him? Had he done something wrong? Was he mad that Alex was dancing with other people last night? No, Willie wasn’t that selfish, but then _what_ was it?

Alex can’t do anything other than stare down the street as the questions race through his head. People walk right through him but he doesn’t even feel it, he’s too focused on the fact that Willie doesn’t want to talk to him and he doesn’t know why.

Julie’s mad at them, and she has every right to be. They messed up and they realize now that they were trying to do what they thought was best for them instead of what was best for the band.

So, yeah, Julie’s mad at them, and she’s ignoring them, but Luke left and they want to show her where he goes in times like this. She agrees, even though it’s a bit reluctantly.

They bring her to Luke’s old house and they hide. They know that Luke comes here, but he doesn’t know that they know. They’d wanted to tell him, but Alex had said that it would be better to wait until Luke came to them when he was ready. Reggie hadn’t really been able to check up on his parents because he had no clue where they were, and Alex… well, Alex wasn’t sure if he _wanted_ to see his parents.

Luke treats his visits to his parents like a dirty little secret. Alex isn’t sure if Luke feels guilty about it or if it’s just his wanting to be strong in front of the others, but he hopes that Luke knows they will support him no matter what. They wouldn’t think of him differently just because he wanted to spend time with his parents, even if they didn’t know he was there.

They were still his family and if he wanted to see them again, Alex and Reggie weren’t going to stop him.

The night that Luke left, it had been on bad terms, with Luke riding away on his bike with nothing but the clothes on his back and his guitar.

Alex remembers the day Luke had told him where he was staying, had explained what happened with his parents. He’d held Luke as he cried, asking how it as fair of them to make him choose between his music and them. Luke said that he wasn’t sure if he would’ve made the same decision if he had the chance to do it all over, and Alex doesn’t know what to say, so he tells him something he knows will comfort him, “We would still want you, no matter what you chose.”

He also remembers the day that they first saw a missing poster with Luke’s face on it, a few days after Reggie had moved in with them. He’d ripped it off the wall with shaky hands and stared at it in silence. Alex and Reggie peeked over his shoulder to see what he’d grabbed.

They’d looked to Luke with wide eyes, silently wondering what he was going to do. Alex remembers thinking Luke was lucky enough to have a family that missed him and was looking for him, even after they’d left on a sour note. That wasn’t something he was ever going to say out loud, though. Luke’s relationship with his parents wasn’t anybody’s to define, and Alex wasn’t going to let his relationship with his parents affect Luke.

He isn’t sure what he would have felt in his situation, he still doesn’t know now.

Luke seemed to have figured out his feelings as he ripped the poster to shreds in his hands with a yell. He fisted the pieces and threw them to the wind. Luke had screamed that if he’d wanted to come home, he would, but he had nothing left to say to them.

They were words said out of anger and confusion and hurt, but even then, Alex could see the guilt he’d felt saying them.

Alex watches as Luke sits down at the kitchen table between his parents, as they prepare the cake.

Luke starts saying something but they can’t hear him. He looks between his parents and then turns over his arm and rubs at his elbow and Alex knows exactly what he’s telling them.

Luke had died without a soulmark, just like Alex, so his parents wouldn’t know about the one that appeared when they came back as ghosts, and probably never would. His parents didn’t even know about the soulmark the three of them had gotten together.

Luke’s eyes are red as he runs his finger along the lines of his arm, across both of his soulmarks, and Alex can’t help but feel a bit misty eyed himself. A small, sad smile graces his lips for a split second but it vanishes the moment his mom sets down the cake in front of him.

They tell Julie that it’s Luke’s birthday and that _this_ is the Luke that she needs to see. This is the Luke that visits the parents that are still grieving him twenty five years later, even after they’d fought countless time and he’d stormed out of their lives. This is the Luke that wants to connect with them again but can’t, so he blows out the single candle on the cake, trying to send _some_ kind of message, letting them know he’s still with them – it’s a small comfort, but it’s the only one he can give.

“We know how bad it feels when someone you thought had your back lets you down,” Alex tells her. They hadn’t told her everything about their lives before becoming ghosts, but they’d told her enough for her to get the bigger picture about how they’d all ended up staying together and becoming their own family.

He doesn’t go into detail about how it feels like a knife in your back that you can never quite reach, no matter how much you claw at it. He doesn’t tell her about the pain that never really goes away, it just becomes a dull ache after a while. He certainly doesn’t talk about how it sometimes takes years for the wound to heal, and even then, you’re never sure the cut isn’t going to reopen and just start bleeding again the moment you take the bandage off.

He doesn’t need to tell her any of this because she’s felt it because of them– they’d let her down immensely the day before and they all feel horribly for making her feel that way.

Alex hopes this helps Julie see that they make mistakes but they’re trying to be better.

They wait for Luke back at the loft. Julie agrees to rejoin the band and it’s like everything clicks back into place, falling back into the neat little spot they’d carved for themselves. Alex often curse whoever is up _there_ , in the life after death, but now he can’t help but thank them for putting Julie in their path.

Luke, Alex and Reggie pop in just after Dirty Candy start their performance.

The bright colours of their outfits and the choreographed dance pull him in almost instantly. The music isn’t something Alex can see himself listening to, but it does remind him of the songs his sister would listen to.

Alex thinks back to the times his sister would beg him to teach her to dance to her favourite songs. She’d barge into his room and ask him if he had any new moves to show her and then squeal with joy when he said yes. They would practice on days when he was babysitting her, when their parents were away, so they could dance without getting interrupted.

Dirty Candy is taking control of the stage with their dancing and Alex can’t help but find himself tapping his foot along to the beat and trying to mimic the dance moves without moving all that much. The more he watches the performance, the more he pictures him and his sister dancing along.

He isn’t sure if his subconscious is trying to tell him something, but the next thing Alex knows, he’s on the stage staring back at his bandmates.

His eyes go wide and he stands still as Carrie and the others dance around him. He quickly realizes that this is almost like a gift: there were only three people in the entire place that could see him on stage dancing. He didn’t have to worry about getting caught or how they would react – Luke and Reggie know he’s always liked dancing but never had a chance to really pursue anything with it, and Julie, well, she’s _Julie_ , and he can’t see her getting mad at something like this.

So he dances along with Carrie, weaving around her as she commands the attention of everyone in the room. Alex laughs as he is able to follow along to the routine and he feels like he’s been doing this his whole life.

He never got to have this chance back when he was alive, the looming threat of getting found out mad sure of that – especially after his father’s multiple rants about how dancing would turn him into a ‘sissy’. The only times he’d been able to let go of his anxieties and feel free had been with Luke, Reggie and Julie on stage and with Willie in the museum.

Alex relishes in the feeling of just being able to be _him_ , even if it’s only for a few minutes.

The moment he gets off stage and back to his friends, he feels the rush start to fade. He looks at their faces and sees three smiles reflected back at him.

“You having fun out there?” Julie asks him.

Alex suddenly feels out of breath. “It’s not my fault, it’s my-um… it’s my feet.”

Julie doesn’t seem convinced, but even Alex can tell she’s fighting to try and hide her smile. 

He takes that as a good sign and pops right back on stage.

The longer he’s up there, the more he realizes on how much he’d missed out on when he was alive. He wonders if this feeling would feel even better if Willie were here with him, if he would get this same feeling dancing with Willie at the Hollywood Ghost Club every night.

He stops himself from going further down that train of thought as the girls reach the end of their performance and he puts on a little show for his bandmates, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Reggie calls him out for it, but Alex can see Luke and Reggie smiling at him brightly.

That alone made Alex _sure_ that it was a good idea.

They perform and everyone loves it, just like they always do and it never fails to make Alex’s heart skip a beat whenever he looks out into the crowd to find every person cheering them on.

He still feels the hum in his veins after they leave the stage and are hanging around near the bar.

Then, a woman walks over and she’s a big deal and it would be fantastic for the band if she-

“Julie?”

They all look up to see Ray Molina standing behind the woman, disappointment clear on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from Dearly Departed by Marianas Trench
> 
> Happy Friday all! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)   
> Comment and let me know what you think, I love hearing from you guys!


	7. I've lost more than you'll ever see

Alex isn’t sure how he convinced himself this was a good idea.

Reggie was spending time with Ray, trying to ‘catch up’ on the 25 years they missed and Luke went to see Julie at school, asking her about their next gig, so Alex was alone in the loft and the silence was getting to him.

He’d thought about going to check the skate park or the museum for Willie, but Alex still hadn’t seen him since Caleb’s club, so he wasn’t even sure if Willie _wanted_ to talk to him. He figured Willie just needed space to think about stuff – there was still a lot he didn’t know about him – and would come find him and let him know he was ready to talk or to hang out again.

With everyone who could see him busy, Alex thought he should maybe go see if his house was still there, if his _parents_ were still there.

That’s how Alex finds himself standing in front of his parents’ house, deciding whether or not he should go in.

A part of him wants to. He wants to know if it’s the same house he remembers – the same house with their heights throughout the years on the doorframe, the house with a patch of wall that’s a slightly different colour than the rest of it from when Alex had accidentally kicked a hole in it, the house with a railing that’s worn from years of Alex fiddling with his drumsticks. He wants to go in so badly to see if it’s still the same house he remembers from his childhood.

A bigger part of him doesn’t even want to be here. It’s the part of him that wants to turn around and go back to the loft and not have to face the people who turned their back on him and abandoned him at the drop of a hat.

Alex takes a deep breath and tells himself that he’s come this far, he should at least go inside to _see_. There aren’t any cars in the driveway so there shouldn’t be anyone home, now would be the perfect time to go in to look around.

He gets to the front door before trying to talk himself out of it. It feels wrong, when Luke visited his parents, he was trying to mend their relationship the only way he could from the afterlife, but Alex didn’t want any of that, he wasn’t sure _what_ he wanted out of this trip, but as he stands outside the front door, he feels like he’s somewhere he shouldn’t be.

_Like the museum_ , his brain supplies, and isn’t that just great? As Alex tries talking himself out of it, his brain goes and mentions his time with Willie, the time where he broke basically every rule about museums, went against every fibre of his being, but still _did it_.

His hand moves to the doorknob but he freezes – old habits die hard, and even now that he’s able to move physical objects, he still sometimes forgets that doesn’t _have_ to anymore. Another deep breath, and he walks through the front door.

There’s a strange sense of warmth that washes over Alex the second he was inside the house. A feeling like he was finally home after a long time away, like he was finally someplace safe. He looks around the living to see it’s mostly unchanged, something weirdly comforting. It’s almost like he’d never left, like it hasn’t been years since he’d last been in here.

The feeling doesn’t last long, as Alex’s gaze searches the room and falls on the row of pictures laying on the mantle of the fireplace.

There’s a photo of a young woman in a black gown holding a diploma. Even though the face is slightly older and she’s obviously grown up, Alex has no doubt that it’s a photo of his sister - a _graduation_ photo of his sister. He isn’t sure if it’s a high school graduation or one for college or university, but he’s proud of her regardless – Alex never got the chance to finish high school, never got the fancy portraits done or had the photo proudly displayed.

There’s another photo of a young boy that Alex doesn’t recognize, but he’s smiling wider than anyone Alex has ever seen. The more he looks at it, the more he can see some resemblance in the boy, and it’s that moment that he realizes that he looks like his sister, which must mean that this is her kid, Alex’s nephew. The photo next to it confirms Alex’s theory – it’s a family picture of his sister with the little boy in her arms and a girl who looks around Carlos’ age, with a man standing behind them, big smiles on everyone’s faces.

He tells himself he’s fine with seeing all of these pictures, but it’s when he looks at the one in the middle of the others that he feels his resolve start to crumble.

Alex remembers the family portrait that was always front and center on the fireplace: his sister was crying as they were trying to take the photo, so Alex had made a ridiculous face to cheer her up, and her laughter and his expression were both caught in the photo, along with his father’s facepalm and his mother’s attempt to hide her laughter. It was always the one they chose to display because it wasn’t the traditional family photo, but it was _theirs_. If Alex were to have brought anything with him the night he left, it would’ve been that photo, no matter how many painful memories were attached with the people in it.

Alex can feel his breath start to quicken as he looks closer at the family photo that sat there now.

Instead of the four of them laughing and having fun, there was now a photo that was more like the traditional family photos: his father stood on one side, his hands around his mother’s shoulders and his sister sitting in front of his mother.

His eyes start to burn as his fingers ghost over the frame, so close to tracing the date written at the bottom of the picture: ‘September 1995’.

It was a picture they’d taken after he’d left, after he’d _died_.

It’s that moment he realises that there are no pictures of him at all on the mantle, there’s not even any photos taken before 1995.

He barely recognizes his own sister in the photos, let alone photos of his mother and father. Alex doesn’t know what any of the photos are from because they were all photos taken well after he’d died and gone to that dark room.

His father had told him _that_ night that he no longer had a son, and he’d finally seen what that meant: Alex was dead to his parents long before he’d actually taken his last breath.

Alex’s breath starts coming in short gasps and his chest tightens. He _knew_ it was a mistake to come back in the house – maybe a very small part of him hoped that his parents would’ve at least mourned him after he’d died – but he let his curiosity get the better of him.

His thoughts start to get all jumbled and all he can think about is getting back to the loft. He poofs out of the house but only makes it as far as the front lawn before he collapses on the ground and tries to not spiral further down.

He’s been alone during panic attacks before, but he wants nothing more than for Luke or Reggie to be here with him. They would’ve talked him out of it or they would’ve helped him deal with whatever feelings came up.

But instead he’s here alone, trying his best not to cry. He slides down to the ground, resting his back against the old oak tree that’s still standing proud in the front yard.

He sits and stares up at the sky, wondering if he needs to scream again, when he hears a car pull in. Alex bolts upright, his anxiety replaced with panic as he runs to hide behind the tree.

The car’s windows are rolled down and Alex looks at the man sitting in the driver’s seat and his breath catches in his throat.

It’s his father, no doubt about it.

He looks at his father’s face and suddenly it’s like Alex is a kid again. The fear that engulfs him isn’t the same kind of fear he felt the days where he’d been too afraid to tell his dad he didn’t do well on his math test, it’s the same gut-wrenching fear Alex felt the day he got outed as gay and got kicked out of the house, out of his parents’ lives. It’s the bone-deep hurt he’d felt the moment his dad had said he’d rather have a dead son than a gay one.

His father looks… happy. It’s almost like he’s a completely different man, Alex almost can’t recognize his own father when he’s smiling.

The last memory Alex has of his father is him telling Alex that he didn’t want him as a son, he didn’t want to see him ever again. Those words spread like wildfire, staining every other memory he had of his father and darkening any good memories he might have had.

His father gets out of his own seat quickly and moves to the backseat, fiddling with the handle before reaching into the car. He picks up a small child – the same boy Alex had seen in the photos inside – and starts talking to him as he sets him down on the pavement.

“Let’s go inside – we can have some ice cream before your mom gets home,” his father says, crouching down in front of the young boy. “But we have to be sneaky about it. What do you think?”

The child nods and says a quiet, “You’re the best, grandpa!” before opening the front door and slipping inside.

Another car door opens and the girl from the photo steps out. His father ruffles her hair as she walks by, telling her that there’s ice cream on the counter for her and her brother. She bats his hand away before running in the house.

His father follows shortly after and suddenly Alex is standing all alone in the front yard.

A second car pulls into the driveway, but this time Alex can’t help but take a step forward, coming back around to the front of the tree, to get a closer look at who’s inside.

His chest tightens again when he realizes it’s his sister. This time though, there’s no panic that grips his heart, there’s only a faint feeling of butterflies in his stomach. It’s been years since he’d last seen his parents, but even longer since he’d last seen his sister.

She’d been away at summer camp – Alex hadn’t wanted to go in favour of being able to focus on the music with Reggie and Luke – when their parents had kicked him out. She’d been gone for a week the day it happened and Alex still remembers the quick hug she’d given him, along with the quiet “You’ll have to tell me all about it when you get back,” he’d told her. The last memory he has of his sister is waving goodbye to her as his father drove away to drop her off.

As much as it kills Alex that he never got to see his sister again after the day she left, he’s glad she hadn’t been there on _that_ day. He’s glad she didn’t have to hear their father get so angry Alex was scared he’d get hit, or see their mother cry and turn away from him as he tried to plead with her.

He just hopes that they didn’t make her come to hate him too – he’d come to terms with the fact that his parents didn’t love him anymore and wanted nothing to do with him, but he isn’t sure what he’ll do if his sister hates him like they do.

His sister gets out of the car with a scowl on her face. “Mom, we are _not_ having this discussion again,” she groans. “I am taking her later this afternoon and that’s _final_.”

She open the backseat to grab some grocery bags and Alex can see his mother get out of the other side of the car. She looks older now, just like his father does, but Alex would recognize those soft and kind eyes anywhere, even if they hadn’t been directed at him in quite some time. While most of the memories of his father were ruined by that fateful night, Alex was still able to hold onto a single one of his mother: the memory of when she sat him down and told him that his mark wouldn’t tell him who to love.

“I just feel like it’ll confuse her more than anything – she’ll ask questions and how are you going to answer her?” there is a certain steel to his mother’s voice now, a hard edge that hadn’t been there when she talked to Alex.

“I’m going to tell her the truth: she has an uncle and his name was,” his sister stops herself, taking a deep breath. “ _is_ Alex but she never got to meet him because he died before she was born.”

“She’ll want to know why we never talk about him,” his mother replies, her voice growing closer to a whisper.

“Then you can explain it to her mom, because I refuse to tell her that same lie you told me all those years.”

“That was for your own good. Your father and I-”

“You told me he _ran away_!” his sister is getting close to shouting now.

“We were scared you would try and talk to him. He would’ve been a bad influence on you,” his mother puts her hand on his sister’s shoulder.

She immediately brushes it off. “A bad influence? Alex didn’t have a bad bone in his body.” She gives a quiet, bitter laugh. “I waited for him every freaking day – I sat by the window hoping _today will be the day he’ll come home_!”

“You were just a kid, then,” his mother pleads with her, a hand outstretched.

“So was he!” his sister’s voice starts to waver and Alex can see her eyes are red-rimmed. “He was still a kid, _your_ kid, the day you kicked him out, and he was still a kid when he _died at 17_.”

His mother doesn’t have a reply to that, she just stares at her daughter.

“I’ve got kids and a husband he’ll never get to meet. He missed every birthday, every Christmas, every graduation, because you couldn’t accept him for who he was!”

His mother’s face gets red. “You may be an adult, but I am still your mother and I will not have you insinuating that we were the ones that killed your brother.”

“You told people I was your only child even before he died, _mother_. The only photo I have of him is the one from the article _the day he died,_ because dad burned all the other ones. Alex may not have been dead at the time, but you killed part of him that day,” his sister cries, tears starting to leak from the corners of her eyes. “If you can’t come to terms with the fact that you would rather let me believe he didn’t love us anymore than me knowing he was gay, that’s on you. I love Alex for who he is, and that’s the person I’m going to introduce to Joanna this afternoon.”

His mother stands there for a moment before taking a deep breath and smoothing out her clothes. “Very well, then. We’ll watch Henry while you two are out.” She takes the bags from his sister’s hands and walks inside the house.

His sister runs her hands over her face with a muffled yell.

Alex wants nothing more than to run over and comfort her, put his arms around her and tell her it was okay, that he appreciated just how much she was fighting for him. He chastises himself for ever thinking she’d hate him.

She takes a deep breath and wipes at her eyes, fixes her hair. She walks to the door with the grocery bags and calls for Joanna.

The young girl from before comes out a few moments later, asking her mom what she wants with an annoyed tone. It reminds Alex so much of his sister when she was younger, he laughs.

The crushing reality hits him like a truck: its’s probably because Joanna is _his sister’s daughter_ , his niece. He has a niece who is almost a teenager and he didn’t even know she existed until he’d come to the house. His sisters words ring true in his head: he’d missed too much of his sister’s life, she’d lived most of it without Alex – he didn’t get to see her graduate high school, her first relationship, her wedding, her family.

His sister rakes her hand through her hair as she sits down on the stone step by the front door, inviting her daughter to sit beside her. Her leg bounces and she drums her fingers on her knee and she takes a deep breath – it’s a gesture Alex recognizes as his own and it makes him happy, in a weird way, that at least there’s one way he can still feel close to his sister.

“Sweetie, you know that project you told me about – the family tree?” she asks, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees.

Joanna nods. “You said we’d be able to work on it after we get home from grandma and grandpa’s house.”

“We will, I just- there’s something important I need to talk to you about before that,” she turns on the step and faces her daughter, taking her hands in her own. “There’s some _one_ important I need to introduce you to. It’s time you met your Uncle Alex.” There’s a warm smile on her face as she says his name.

Joanna looks away from her mother then, choosing to look at the ground instead. “How come he’s never come to visit us before?”

His sister makes a quiet noise, something between a whimper and a sigh, and brings her daughter in close, hugging her. She runs a hand gently over her head. “Oh sweetie, your Uncle Alex died a long time ago, back when I was around your age.”

“Why don’t grandma and grandpa ever talk about him?”

“That’s a good question. I don’t know if I’m able to answer it but I’ll try my best. I just want you to know that if he were here, he would’ve loved you so, so, _so much_ it wouldn’t even be funny,” she squeezes her daughter even closer and Alex can’t help but smile. He loves his niece already, and he’s known her less than an hour – he can’t even imagine the adventures they would’ve gone on if he’d been around while she was growing up.

Her words seem to do the trick as Joanna lets out a small laugh, her doubts seemingly forgotten.

“How about you say we go for a little drive?” His sister suggests, extending her hand to help her daughter up. “We can stop and get some flowers for his grave, and I can tell you a bunch of stories about him over lunch. How does that sound?”

Joanna nods enthusiastically, jumping up and hugging her mom tightly once more. She runs inside, saying she was going to grab her coat.

Alex watches as his sister turns back and sighs. He can’t imagine how many times she’s had this conversation, or how hard it must be each time.

He wishes he could console her, let her know that despite everything that had happened, he’d never stopped loving her, never stopped thinking about her. Most of all, he wanted her to know that he’d been happy once he left, he’d had Reggie and Luke and he’d found his family, his _soulmates_.

Joanna comes rushing out and makes a beeline for the car door. His sister chuckles at her daughters antics and follows suit.

Alex isn’t sure what comes over him in that moment but he calls out to her, although it’s closer to a whisper than a shout.

Her hand freezes on the door handle and she looks around. Her gaze falls on the oak tree sitting in the front and Alex’s breath catches in his throat. He wonders for a split second if she can see him because her eyes zero in on the spot where he’s standing, but that thought trickles away as she turns around just as quickly.

Alex sags back against the tree as the car drives off, and he takes one last look at his old house before heading back to the loft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to get this out last night but it was hectic (basically went to work, then had class, then had a friend over, then had to go back to work - I was a dead on my feet haha) Here's a longer than usual chapter to make up for it ;)  
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter- tried something a little different by only having one "scene" in this chapter, but I feel it works well!
> 
> Chapter Title is from End of Me by A Day to Remember


	8. a burial plot for you and I

“Which of us do you think would get captured first if Ghostbusters came looking for us?” Reggie asks them.

They’re sitting in the Molina living room because Julie had gotten caught at their last gig after they’d insisted she sneak out and _that_ was what Reggie was thinking about?

“I don’t think we’re the same kind of ghosts they would be looking for, Reg,” Alex sighs, running a hand over his face.

“Well, I can kind of see a resemblance between Reggie and Slimer, so maybe he’s onto something!” Luke chuckles, winking at Alex.

“Oh yeah, now that you mention it, they could be twins!”

“ _Ha, ha,_ yeah that’s it, laugh it up, guys!” Reggie rolls his eyes. “Seriously though, think about it – what if there were actually people that walked around trying to capture ghosts? We’d be screwed!”

“We don’t do that much and most people think we’re holograms anyway. How would they even know we’re ghosts?”

“But what if we hadn’t made a band with Julie? What if we were just going to roam around in the afterlife, without anyone seeing us? How long do you think it would’ve taken before we went crazy?”

“Reg, have you been watching scary movies over Carlos’ shoulder or something?” Luke asks him. They can all remember the day that Reggie had watched Poltergeist and gotten utterly freaked out about ghosts and spirits.

“No, I was watching them with _Ray_ ,” he crosses his arms. “But _think about it_! Who knows how long we would be wandering around, nothing to do and no one to talk to – if the only way we could let people know we were there was by throwing stuff and closing doors, that’s probably how we would spend our days! Then the ghostbusters would _have_ to come get us.”

Luke and Alex share a look and Luke just shrugs, as if to say ‘let’s just go with it’.

“If we did start doing stuff like that, I’m sure Julie would come back just to knock some sense into us before anything bad happened,” Luke chuckles. “That is, if she wasn’t the one to get rid of us herself.”

“She could also probably get Carlos to help her capture us. He’s already halfway there, looking stuff up online,” Alex adds, motioning to the other room where Carlos was currently fiddling with his tablet.

“Yeah, exactly, so if it makes you feel any better Reggie, I’m pretty sure we’d already be taken care of before the Ghostbusters get involved,” Luke looks to Reggie and fakes a whisper, “but between you and me, I think Alex would be the first to go.”

“Dude!” Alex playfully smacked Luke’s arm. “When did you get on his side?”

“What? I’m just telling it like it is, Alex, can’t blame me for pointing it out!”

“Luke’s got a point though Alex, if the ghostbusters ever did show up, you’d either stand there like a deer in headlights trying to think of what to do, or you’d just stand there and let them catch you.”

Reggie did have a point, not that Alex would ever admit it.

He never told them about the people he’d seen the day he met Willie, the ones dressed like Ghostbusters - he still isn’t sure why he believed they were the real deal, but he had just learned that ghosts were real too, so he gave himself a pass – or about the way he’d curled in on himself and waited for them to get him.

He certainly won’t be telling them now.

“If you guys were with me, I would just use my foolproof strategy – stand behind Luke and hope for the best,” Alex nudges Luke with his foot. “Don’t roll your eyes, Luke! It hasn’t failed me yet!”

“So you would sacrifice me, and then what? You lose your meat shield and then you’re just going to get captured right after, genius.”

The two share a smirk and a nod before turning back to look at Reggie, who’s smile quickly falls as he takes in their expressions.

“Well, sorry Reggie, but it looks like if Ghostbuster do come after us, you’re going to be the first to go – maybe if we let them have you they’ll let both of us go,” Alex smiles.

“And if it’s two against one, well, sorry dude but you’re done for,” Luke adds.

“Luke you traitor! I thought you were on my side!” Reggie exclaims.

Luke just shrugs in response, “Well, what can you do? I’m just playing the field here, guys.”

Reggie huffs and crosses his arms once again before the three of them break out in quiet chuckles.

The moment doesn’t last long as Carlos comes into the living room with his tablet in hand.

They’re sitting in the studio, Reggie gently strumming on the bass, Luke plucking at the strings of his guitar, and Alex tapping his drumsticks against his legs in haphazard manor.

It’s been a few days since he went to visit his house and saw his parents and his sister again. He hasn’t told Reggie and Luke yet. It’s not that he didn’t want to tell them, it’s that he doesn’t know _how_. He doesn’t know how to explain the whirlwind of emotions he’d felt seeing his parents, his sister, his _niece and nephew_.

He knows they won’t judge him, the same way they never judged Luke, but his anxiety still sometimes gets the better of him and he can’t shake the voice at the back of his head telling him it was all a mistake. Alex tells himself he’ll tell them when the time is right, when things aren’t as complicated and he can figure out his own feelings about it all.

Luke suggests a small change to their new song, providing a distraction from his thoughts. They’d been working on it for most of the afternoon while waiting for Julie to get back from school.

Music had always been something that helped Alex manage his anxiety, manage the avalanche of thoughts that bombarded him when it got bad. It gave him something to focus on, forget about everything else and pour all of his tension and his energy into making something beautiful.

A noise from outside grabs their attention. They turn to look and Alex feels a pang in his chest when he realizes it’s Willie’s face staring back at him. His face disappears almost immediately after they make eye contact, just like the day at the café.

“Him again? What’s going on with this dude?” Reggie asks with a sigh. He turns to Alex, knowing Luke is doing the same, and gives him a look with a silent statement, _We can deal with this, just say the word_.

Alex puts a hand up, thanks them. “I’ll let you guys know, but I need to talk to him.”

He poofs out and catches Willie just as the other ghosts puts his foot on his board and gets ready to skate away.

“Why does it feel like you’re tracking me down just so you can run away again?” Alex asks him. He isn’t sure if it’s like a game to Willie. Alex thinks it’s too cruel for someone like Willie to get any enjoyment out of it, but he still feels like it’s a constant cat and mouse chase, ever since the club.

Oh, the club. Looking back, Alex can pinpoint the exact moment everything changed and suddenly Willie could barely look him in the eyes and he started avoiding him, not to mention the strange jolts they’d been getting.

“I wish I could explain, man, but I can’t,” Willie gets out quickly, already moving to rush away. It was only a sentence, but it was the first thing he’d heard Willie say, first time he’d heard his voice in almost a week. 

“Wait, that’s not good enough.” Alex had put up with people telling him that before – his parents telling him he was too young to understand, teachers telling him his questions weren’t relevant, adults telling him to just accept the fact that _this is the way it is_ – but this time was different. This time, it was Willie that was telling him that, and Alex wasn’t going to let him get away that easily.

“You’ve been acting weird ever since Caleb’s club,” Alex continues. There’s an almost imperceptible flinch from Willie at the mention of the Hollywood Ghost Club. “You know, I thought we were having fun together.”

Willie swallows and his eyes flicker between looking at Alex and the ground in front of him. “We never should’ve met.”

He may as well have stabbed him in the chest.

Willie apologizes and before Alex can even think of what to say next, Willie disappears an Alex is left standing alone in the driveway.

It hurts, it really does, and he’d told Willie as much. It hurt as bad as the jolts they’ve been getting, the stinging on his neck. It hurts because Alex is angry but he can’t figure out what he’s angry _at_.

Alex settles for being angry at whoever is beyond, whoever is pulling the strings. Alex didn’t always believe in fate, but fate had given him Reggie and Luke, it’d given him Willie too. Now, it felt like that same string of fate was yanking Willie back, just out of Alex’s reach and he couldn’t go after him. If he thought he could, he would in a heartbeat, Alex tells himself. He’d be like Charlie Brown and try and get the football a thousand times if he thought there was even a chance.

He isn’t angry at Willie, he’s really not, but thinking of the other boy makes his stomach start to turn when before it was all butterflies. Alex is upset that he’d lost the one meaningful relationship he had outside of his family. He’d always been able to count on Luke and Reggie to love him just as he loved them, but Alex always wondered about that something _else_.

Alex can see the way Luke and Julie dance around each other, like a sun and moon circling the same planet, never being able to meet in the middle. It’s almost funny to watch as they both try to ignore the chemistry that seems to want to pull them together, they try to pull apart from each other but they’re already caught in each other’s orbit.

Luke wants Julie in the way Alex and Reggie hadn’t been able to, and Alex was happy for him, he really was. He still can’t ignore the pang he feels in his chest thinking of the relationship he’d just lost, the spot Alex had been carving out for Willie in his life now empty, gone in the blink of an eye.

He doesn’t realize that a few minutes have gone by until he hears the distinct sound of Luke and Reggie appearing outside.

A cold hand gently grabs his wrist and careful fingers prod, asking him to unclench a fist he doesn’t even remember making. His fingers uncurl and it’s then he feels the faint sting of where his nails indented his flesh. 

He looks down at the hand and follows it up the arm, not having to look long to figure out it’s Reggie who now has his hand intertwined in his. Reggie gives him a sad smile and gently tugs his arm, a silent question to go back inside.

Alex looks over to Luke, who has an expression that’s equal parts anger and sadness, and follows Reggie without hesitation.

They don’t say anything as they settle by their instruments.

“How much did you hear?” Alex asks, twirling a drumstick in his hand.

There’s a few silent moments before Reggie speaks up, “We didn’t hear anything. We saw the light when Willie left and we waited for you– we only went out there when it’d been ten minutes and you hadn’t come back in yet.”

Alex nods. Ever since the club, they’d known about his… thing with Willie, and while he knows they wouldn’t pry too much into it, Alex is somewhat relieved he’d be able to talk about this with them. 

“I asked him why he kept leaving as soon as I saw him, and he tried to give me the ‘I wish I could tell you, but I can’t’ excuse. I asked him why he was being weird about everything and he,uh,” Alex stops and takes a deep breath before continuing. “He told that he wishes we’d never met.”

The words taste like poison as they come out of his mouth – he almost chokes on them, not wanting to say them out loud.

Luke calls him, and Alex looks up to see his eyes determined but soft. He knew that look, it was the same look Luke got when he wanted you to really believe what he was saying, his ‘serious’ look. “Alex, we’re here for you, no matter what.”

“We’re here if you need to talk or if you just need quiet for a while, hell, we’ll even go scream someplace with you if that’s what you want,” Reggie adds.

Alex thanks them and they share a bone-breaking hug. The three of them really did work like a well-oiled machine – each of them working in sync with each other, always knowing what the other needed.

Luke proves that point when, in the next moment, he suggests practicing their new song.

Despite the helpful distraction that it is, music doesn’t keep Alex’s mind busy for long.

He curses at himself for spiraling back into his thoughts about Willie and he can feel his hands start to hit the drums faster and harder and he can feel himself getting off beat.

He feels like he needs to let out all of his frustrations, like he needs to yell at the world for taking something else away from him, but he knows that he won’t be able to bring himself to do it. Alex had only ever screamed because Willie did it, and how was he supposed to go scream in an empty museum when that would make him think of the very thing he was mad about? Wailing on the drums will have to do.

He stops when he hears Luke and Reggie slowly stop playing, leaving his drums the only sound in the room.

“I know it’s tough man. People say you never forget your first ghost, and maybe that’s true. But, I’m sure there will be others,” Reggie tries to reassure him.

Luke nods in agreement and moves closer, leaning in. “Plus, now we’ve got a shovel talk ready, just in case,” he says with a straight face that crumbles the moment he’s done talking.

Alex huffs and restrains himself from rolling his eyes. He’s only half sure they’re joking, which is probably scarier than if he were completely sure – knowing them two, it could really be either or.

“Well, technically it’s a reverse shovel-talk,” Reggie adds, coming up behind Luke, patting him on the shoulder. “We said that since we’re already dead, we’ll just have to threaten them with bringing them back to life.”

Alex does feel a small smile escape at that, something so ridiculous but so touching that it could only be Luke and Reggie’s idea. “And how do you plan to do that, exactly?”

“So, funny story, we haven’t actually planned that far yet, but we’re getting there!”

“So you’re saying that you’re gonna threaten them with becoming a lifer, but you don’t know how to make good on your threat?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous!” Reggie exclaims.

“The point _is_ that they won’t know that we don’t know how to do that!” Luke adds, nudging Reggie’s shoulder. “They won’t think twice about it if we have our angry faces on.”

“Your angry faces make you guys look like a kicked puppy,” Alex states. “But, thank you, really. I appreciate it.”

The mood changes instantly, but Alex doesn’t mind – he feels some of the pressure lift off his shoulders when the subject changes from his love life to Luke’s. Alex has to refrain himself form bursting out laughing at the deer-in-headlights look Reggie gets when Luke walks over to him singing, cradling the back of his head as he does.

“See, I have chemistry with everyone I sing with!” Luke says in defense of himself.

“Yeah, but you’ve known Reggie for how many years now? You’ve only known Julie for a few weeks, and you’re already looking at her like she hung the moon,” Alex retorts, pointing his drumsticks at Luke as he does.

“Just to let you know though, I don’t think either Alex or I are willing to give Julie a shovel-talk,” Reggie laughs, holding his hands up in surrender. “She’d probably find a way to make us ultra-dead if we even tried, so you’re on your own, bud!”

Luke groans and runs over to the couch, grabbing some pillows and throwing them at his bandmates. Alex manages to dodge his, but the other one hits Reggie square in the face.

Alex guffaws at the look of surprise on Reggie’s face.

“Oh, it’s _on_!” Reggie glares daggers at Luke and breaks out into a sprint.

Alex ends up as a shield between Luke and Reggie, acting as the neutral party between the two and all of his other cares are suddenly forgotten, his only concern now is trying not to get hit in the crossfire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a few days late guys! Last week of classes and balancing two jobs got very hectic very quickly haha We're nearing the end of this one... maybe 3 or 4 more chapters I think, I have the entire story outlined, just need to get to writing the next few chapters! 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!Thanks for reading and let me know what you think ^_^
> 
> Chapter title from Burial Plot by Dayseeker.


	9. blame it all on past life tragedy

They’re outside throwing around the basketball when their lives somehow get even weirder.

Alex’s neck burns for a split second before that pain is forgotten and replaced by another jolt, and it stings more than before.

Luke, Reggie and Alex all groan in unison as the sharp pain dulls to an ache. It isn’t something that’s new to them, but they still don’t have any explanations as to why it’s happening, or even what is happening.

He knows that the pain in his neck and the jolts are somehow connected, but Alex can’t figure out why they would be. He’d never heard of soulmarks flaring up with pain like this, but then again, he’d never expected to get jolts of fire shot through his body every now and again when he became a ghost, either.

“That one was different from the others,” Reggie says, rubbing tiny circles into the space around his elbow.

Luke voices his agreement, clutching his arm with his hand, “There was like a second jolt, but this time it was coming from my arm.”

Wait, what?

Reggie and Luke had never mentioned that second wave of pain before – Alex had just assumed they were feeling it but weren’t saying anything about it.

“That second jolt, did it… did it feel like you were getting punched?” Alex asks, his voice wavering.

The others turn to look at him, Reggie with wide eyes and Luke with worried ones.

“Yeah, it was something like that,” Luke says. His eyes rack up and down Alex’s body, probably trying to find somewhere he might have gotten hurt.

“It’s _exactly_ like that,” Reggie insists, still rubbing at this elbow. “Alex, you didn’t get hit with it too?”

Alex shakes his head. “Not… not this time.”

“What do you mean _this time_?” Luke asks, taking a step forward towards Alex, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“I’ve… been getting those weird second jolts ever since we left Caleb’s club, and they keep happening every time we get a jolt,” Alex explains.

“You’ve been getting hit with these since we left Caleb’s club? As in, the second we stepped out of there?” Luke cuts him off. Alex gives a small nod. “Alex! Why didn’t you say something?”

“I wasn’t sure what it was! Then when the jolts started happening, I just assumed you guys felt them too. I’m sorry, alright?”

Luke runs over and takes him into his arms. “Alex, no, you don’t need to apologize. Just… just tell us what happened.”

Alex starts explaining about the tingling on his neck the night at Caleb’s club, and he manages to make it to the jolt he’d felt in the café when a strangled scream catches their ears.

They turn to find Reggie, his lip quivering and his breaths coming in short shuddering bursts. His hand is on his opposite arm, his fingertips almost white as he tugs at the skin. “It’s-it’s fading,” he whispers.

For a split second Alex entertains the thought that maybe that statement doesn’t mean what he thinks it means, but that drop of optimism is dried up the second Reggie turns his arm and Alex sees his soulmark. Where it had once been vibrant and colourful, it was now dull and muted, the colour seeping out like ink bleeding on a page.

Reggie mutters out Ray’s name and that’s all it takes for Alex and Luke to share a quick look and a nod before Alex disappeared in search of Ray, or even Julie, to try and figure out what was going on.

He tries basically every room in the house but doesn’t find Ray anywhere. Alex realize there’s really only one more place he could try – Julie’s room. If Ray isn’t there, Julie most definitely is, and that’s still one step closer than he is now.

Alex poofs in and he hears Julie yelp. “Alex! We’ve talked about this, you can’t just -”

“Where’s your dad?” Her mouth closes instantly, confusedly furrowing her brow. “Please, Julie, it’s important.”

“He was out getting groceries, Tia Victoria is apparently coming over,” she gets up and her confused expression quickly turns to concern when she steps closer to Alex. He can feel his breath getting quicker, his fingers drumming on empty space. “Alex, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“Reggie’s mark is fading.”

She blinks at him, a frown settling on her face. “That’s terrible, does he know who it is?”

Alex’s breath stops and he stares at her like a deer caught in headlights.

He doesn’t say anything, but his expression must give it away because he can see the pieces start to fall into place, as Julie realizes what he’s asking her. Her eyes grow wide and her mouth falls open, “What? Reggie and my dad?” The words leave her mouth and suddenly she’s frantically picking up her phone and dialing her dad’s number.

They both wait impatiently for him to pick up but Julie’s breath quickens when the automated voice tells her to leave a message.

“Please call me back as soon as you get this, Dad, it’s _very important_ and I really just need you to call me back or text me or something,” the words flow out of her as her voices hurries the longer she talks. “And I-I love you.”

She hangs up the phone and turns to look at him, her eyes growing wider and closer to tears with each passing second.

Alex doesn’t know what to do, well, he knows what he _would_ do, but seeing as he can’t actually become physical enough to hug Julie, he’s stuck standing there awkwardly. He tries to think of something to say, something to offer, but the look of pure fear on Julie’s face made the words catch in his throat every time he tried.

In a way, Alex knew what it was like to lose his parents, but he’d lost them both in one fell swoop, and he’d made peace with the fact that he would have to grieve two people that weren’t dead. Alex had lost both his parents, but not in the way that Julie had lost her mom, was losing her dad. She’d finally been able to start making music again after losing her mom a year ago, and now her dad was being ripped away from her.

Alex’ thoughts star spiraling into a chain of what ifs, and none of them he particularly enjoys. He’d rather things stay the way they were: Julie with her support system intact, her family together and _happy_.

There’s a sound coming from outside. It’s muffled by the closed window, but Alex can still make out the distinct sound of a car door closing and the beep as it locks. He rushes to the window and pushes the blinds aside, and his breath catches in his throat.

“J-Julie,” he calls to her, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s- it’s your dad.”

“Alex, I know,” he doesn’t turn around to see her, but her voice gets breathier and he can almost hear the way her lips start to tremble as she speaks. “I’m- I’m trying to call him again.”

That’s when he finally turns around and calls her again, this time making sure he looks her in the eye when he asks her to come look out the window.

She gasps when she sees her dad balancing multiple grocery bags on his arms as he rummages in his pocket, presumably for a key. She’s out of the room and Alex can hear the thud of each step as she barrels down the stairs, towards her dad.

Alex waits a few moments, wanting to give her some space with her dad, but he poofs down to see Julie hugging her dad, her knuckles going white with effort to hold him and keep him close.

He doesn’t mean to intrude, but hearing the way Julie’s breath hitches every few seconds, Alex can’t help but look over Ray one last time, checking for a sign of any hurt that may have come his way.

“You would tell me if something was wrong, right, Dad?” Alex almost doesn’t hear Julie’s question, her face buried in the crux between her father’s neck and his shoulder.

Ray gives a slight chuckle, “Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?” His face steels itself for a second as he hugs her tighter, “But I’m glad I have you to watch out for me. I’ll tell you if somethings wrong, as long as you promise to do the same.”

Alex suddenly feels like an outsider and, after finding Julie’s gaze and a quick nod, he goes back to find Reggie and Luke, and let the Molinas have their moment.

When he finds his bandmates a few moments later, Reggie is almost in the same state he’d left him in, but Luke has guided him to the curb where they are both sitting. Luke’s arms are around Reggie’s shoulder, trying to offer any comfort he could.

“Reg, you need to see this,” Alex calls out. The look on Reggie’s face as he looks up is one that Alex has only ever seen a handful of times and he hates every single one of them – it was the same look the night he’d finally left his parents and stayed with Luke and Alex, the look of dread and grief all mixed into one – so he’s determined to be the one to wipe that look off Reggie’s face this time. “It’s Ray.”

Luke looks up at him with narrowed eyes. His glare sends an icy chill up his spine, but Alex takes a step forward, pleading with Reggie to come with him.

“Alex,” Luke calls, but Alex hears it for what it is: a warning. _Please don’t make this worse for him_ , _I know you’re trying to help but this might make things more difficult_ , _This isn’t what he needs right now_ , Alex can’t tell which warning it is, or if it’s all three at once, but the message is still loud and clear.

If only they would listen to him and see that what he’s trying to show them is possibly the best news they’ll get all day.

“Reg,” Alex kneels down and reaches out, covering Reggie’s hand with his own. He glances between Reggie and the soulmark on his arm, the _faded_ soulmark. “Trust me on this one, please.”

The small nod he gets from Reggie is enough for the three of them to stand up and poof themselves into the Molina’s kitchen.

Reggie and Luke both stare in shock as Ray Molina unpacks his groceries, seemingly unaware that he’s supposed to be dead. Reggie reaches his hand out and lays it on Ray’s arm, only for it to fall through. If Alex hadn’t seen Julie and her dad hug, he may have thought Ray had been a ghost as well.

“He… he’s not dead,” Reggie states.

Julie’s head is in the fridge, but when she backs out and turns, she gives the three ghosts a sideways glance but otherwise doesn’t acknowledge them. She’s gotten better at ignoring them when other people are around, which has saved her many confused and concerned glances from people.

“I-I don’t know what happened but someone must have got something wrong because Ray Molina is still very much alive and kicking,” Alex says. He’s not sure if he’s reassuring Reggie, convincing Luke or even reminding himself, but the words seem to dissolve any leftover tension.

Reggie is still frozen in place, his hand in mid-air as he stares at it, like the moment he looks away, he’ll realize it’s all a trick.

Ray finishes putting away the last of the groceries and tells Julie he’ll be right back, muttering something about misplacing his phone.

The moment he steps out of earshot, Julie turns to them. Alex knows the lecture they’re about to get, and they deserve it, but he still cringes at the thought of having caused Julie so much panic and sadness , even if accidentally.

She takes a deep breath and opens her mouth to say something when Reggie breaks his silence with a yell, “What the hell is going on?”

Well _that_ was one conversation Alex did not want to have again – too many long pauses and glares and unanswered questions.

The good thing is they’re able to move past it and focus on their gig in Julie’s studio. It goes off without a hitch and the boys fade out of sight, back behind the doors to the studio.

The three of them collapse onto the couch, they seemingly heave out a sigh as one, or at least they were three very well coordinated yawns. Luke and Alex are sandwiching Reggie between them, the three of them all but laying on top of one another.

“Did you see the crowd tonight? They freaking loved us!” Reggie laughs, his hands moving around as he talks.

“It wasn’t the biggest crowd we’ve played to, but there was something… special about it, you know?” Alex adds. “Ray set it up for Julie, recorded it, and was basically being her number one fan all night. I’m glad Julie has someone like that looking out for her.” If there’s a hint of sadness when he says it, Reggie doesn’t point it out, probably because he has the same feelings.

“Ray is _pretty great_ , if I do say so myself.”

“You’re just saying that because you guys share a soulmark!”

“Nuh uh! I thought that about Ray even before we knew about the mark, so there’s that,” Reggie counters, pointing an accusatory finger at Alex. “Besides, the man basically lets us live here rent-free and he lets us use this space to practice!”

“He lets us live here rent-free because he doesn’t know we exist.”

“But he does! He sees us every time we appear on stage.”

“He can _only_ see us when we’re on stage when we’re playing music with Julie,” Alex points out. “the other 99 percent of the time, we don’t technically exist. If you really want to pay him rent that badly, you could always ask Julie to play a song when he’s around so you can talk to him,” he laughs, but when he looks at Reggie’s contemplative expression he adds, “No, I was joking! Do _not_ do that!” He slaps Reggie gently in the chest.

Reggie just mutters a quick “Party pooper,” and pushes him right back. “I for one think it’s a great idea, and Luke agrees with me! Right, Luke?”

It’s that moment that Alex realizes he hasn’t heard Luke interject throughout their entire conversation, he hasn’t spoken a word since they’d sat down on the couch. He leans forward to look at Luke at the other end of the couch, Reggie turning his body to face him as well.

Reggie calls out to him again, nudging their knees together quickly and gently. Whatever daze Luke was in seems to lift, as his eyes flutter around the room before they make contact with Reggie and Alex’s. “Sorry,” he clears his throat. “What were you saying, Reg?”

“Luke, are you alright?” Reggie asks, the earlier conversation all but forgotten. “You looked like you were pretty… out of it.”

Luke’s face flushes the slightest bit and he fiddles with one of his bracelets, suddenly avoiding eye contact with the other two. “Uh, yeah. I was just-just thinking.”

Reggie cocks an eyebrow when Luke doesn’t elaborate further. “About?” He leans forward, resting a hand on Luke’s knee. “You know we’re here for you, right? Even if it’s something you think is silly.”

Luke puts on a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Alex watches as the hand that was twirling his bracelets around his wrists slowly crawls up his arm and rests near his elbow.

It was apparently well known by the other two that Alex liked to people-watch, and his bandmates weren’t exempt from his observations. Luke has always been a very physical person: he expresses himself with his entire body, his emotions laid out on his sleeve. He loved being close to others whenever possible; physical touch was his way of grounding himself and finding comfort. Alex had seen the way Luke would subtly lift his hand to his soulmark whether he be stressed, angry or even tired.

Alex waits for Luke to gently squeeze his soulmark, but the moment his fingers brush against the crook of his elbow, they retreat back down to his lap as if burned. Alex’s eyes grow wide for a millisecond before he schools his features – he didn’t want Luke to feel weirder about whatever this was, he was there to be supportive and worried for his brother.

“Luke, can- what- when-” he fumbles, unsure how to ask the question that’s forming in his head. He hoped he was wrong and Luke would just laugh at his question, but there was only one way to find out for sure. “Did something happen to your soulmark?”

Luke’s eyes snap to his and his breath quickens. His eyes are red-rimmed and his lip quivers ever so slightly. In that moment, Alex is reminded of the scared kid that thought he would spend the rest of his life alone because he didn’t have a mark, the heartbroken kid who wondered why no one wanted him. It’s an expression that shocks Alex to his core.

A few moments pass before Luke looks to the floor and gives a tiny nod. “I- I noticed it right after we finished performing. I don’t know how long it’s been like this but,” he turns his arm over, displaying his now-faded mark. “They’re gone.”

Alex wanted to scream at whoever decided they would play these kinds of games with his family. First Reggie was scared out of his mind when he thought Ray was dying, only to find that his mark had faded evne with a very-alive Ray Molina standing before them, and now Luke tells them that he found his mark faded just _hours_ after that. He gets up off the couch and goes to sit on the armrest on Luke’s other side.

“You don’t know that, what if it’s like mine and someone just made a mistake?” Reggie suggests. His face is a mix of hopeful optimism and worried pessimism, but the thought was the only comfort he could give right now.

“It could be, but I don’t even know who it _is_ , Reg! I can’t check on them like you could check on Ray, so for all I know I’ll just have to wait for them to show up around here as a ghost so I can finally meet them.”

“Hey, listen,” Alex nudges his shoulder gently, sliding an arm behind Luke. “We still don’t understand what’s going on with our soulmarks. We _will_ figure it out, but I can promise you,” He lifts the sleeve of his hoodie to reveal their shared tattoo. “that we’ll all be there for each other in the meantime.”

Luke’s finger gently traces Alex’s tattoo. He looks between Alex and Reggie and takes a deep breath, laying his hands overtop theirs.

They sit like that for a few minutes, giving Luke the physical touch he needs while silently wondering about what is going on with their soulmarks, in a comfortable silence.

It isn’t until he looks outside and sees the lights in the Molina house go out that Reggie breaks up the moment and suggests they play a shoot a few hoops to unwind and destress. It’s the best idea Alex has heard in a while.

They get hit with another jolt, followed by the burning from their soulmarks, and Alex is _tired_ of it.

Luke notes that they’re getting worse and Alex can’t agree more, what started out as a feeling of a band-aid being ripped off is now closer to a broken bone.

Then Willie shows up and tells them they’re in trouble, and he starts to explain everything: what Caleb did to them at the club, why he did it, what’s going to happen once his plan is done.

Alex listens to what Willie tells them, and he understands what’s being said, but he can’t help but look at Willie’s face as he speaks. He’s never heard Willie sound so… maybe heartbroken was the right word? His eyes are glassy and red-rimmed, and his voice trembles ever so slightly every few words. It’s like the look on his face when he abruptly left Caleb’s club, it’s a look Alex _hates_ seeing on Willie.

Willie says he has to leave, he can’t be gone too long before Caleb notices and Alex has to restrain himself so doesn’t reach out and hug him. Willie is standing there, telling him that he cares about him, and Alex wants nothing more than to take back every bad thought he’d had the past few days, and go back to that day in the museum when they’d been able to just be themselves and not have all of this hanging over their heads.

As he takes a breath to say something, a wave of fire seems to spread across Alex’s neck and he lets out a cry, a hand reaching up to the back of his neck as a million questions start running through his mind: _Why are they getting closer together? Why wasn’t there a jolt that time? Are Reggie’s and Luke’s getting this bad too?_ It feels like someone is pressing hot metal to his neck – it feels like his skin is burning off, every nerve sending off signals of distress and pain and _helpstopgetaway_ -

Alex hears someone call his name. He looks to his sides, and while Reggie and Luke are both looking at him in concern, their hands outstretched, they shake their heads. Through the haze of the fading pain, Alex realized that neither of them are basically doubled over like he is, in fact, neither of them seem to be in any pain at all.

“Alex,” Willie calls again. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Alex tries to get the words out, but his throat feels too dry and every sound he makes feels like sandpaper. He tries to steady his breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. One of his hands fumbles at his side and taps Luke or Reggie, he can‘t really tell right now as he tries to calm himself down. The jolts have never been this bad and suddenly he gets hit with one that almost sends him to the ground, writing in pain, and neither Reggie nor Luke get hit with one.

“It-it’s his neck,” Reggie explains. “He’s been getting these-these second jolts, like fire across his skin.”

The pain starts to subside, but instead of fading out in an instant like it usually does, it lingers on his skin. Alex can finally move his neck and he takes another deep breath, bracing his hands on his knees. He slowly unfurls himself and shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Y-your neck?” It’s such a quiet whisper that Alex almost wouldn’t believe Willie had said it if he weren’t looking at him. “Isn’t that… isn’t that where your soulmark is?”

Alex’s eyes widen. He remembers talking about his new soulmark with Willie – the memory squeezes at Alex’s heart, it felt like a lifetime ago already – but Alex didn’t remember ever telling him where his mark _was_. He wants to ask Willie a million questions, but it isn’t the time or place for it right now, so he settles for a quick nod.

Alex didn’t think it was possible but Willie’s face somehow seems to fall even more, what Alex once thought of as a sad expression turns into one of agony and even _grief_. “Did it start after you left the club?” Another nod from Alex and Willie curses quietly before running his hands through his hair.

“Willie, what’s wrong?” Alex asks, taking a step forward.

“It’s another… incentive for you to join Caleb’s club. He puts some sort of spell on your soulmark that makes it slowly fade away, until it’s gone, forever,” Willie’s voice quivers on the last few words.

Alex still isn’t sure if he actually _needs_ to breathe, but that statement from Willie steals all the breath from his lungs and he stops dead in his tracks.

“But we all got the stamps, we’ve all been getting these jolts – why is it affecting Alex so much worse than us? I mean, we only started getting them the other day while Alex’s started the day after the club!” Reggie exclaims. None of it made sense, and while some pieces were falling together, others were falling apart.

“Reggie,” Luke calls, extending an arm towards the other ghost. “Our marks started fading once we started getting those jolts.”

Reggie looks at him, his eyes wide and expectant. Luke’s eyes shift towards Alex, towards Alex’s _neck_ , because he doesn’t want to say it out loud, doesn’t want to make it real.

“Whatever Caleb did, makes it fade before starting to disappear,” Willie voices what the rest of them couldn’t. “His mark was already faded when I brought you guys to Caleb’s club.” His statement didn’t shock Alex as much as it did Luke and Reggie – Alex remembers the bittersweet talk he and Willie had had about both of them losing their soulmates and having faded marks.

Alex just nods as he runs the information over in his head. His mark was going to disappear completely sooner or later, just like Luke and Reggie’s were. He was going to lose his soulmark, the only tether he had to his soulmate. He clenches his fist, his nails digging into his palms - he feels like he’s losing them _again_ , without having ever really met them.

He hears the rest of the conversation as if he’s underwater: he catches bits and pieces but he still can’t focus on anything in particular other than the impending loss of his soulmark. He hears Reggie ask what they can do, and Willie mentions something about unfinished business.

Willie’s small voice cuts through the fog in Alex’s brain as he apologizes for getting them caught up in Caleb’s web. Alex’s palms throb as he unclenches his fingers, wanting nothing more than to reach out and take Willie’s hand in his own, but Willie is looking at him with those wide, sad eyes and Alex is frozen in place. He’s gone in the blink of an eye.

Alex has to turn around and face his bandmates before he tries something stupid like follow Willie back to Caleb’s club. Luke and Reggie look at him, asking silent questions he isn’t sure he has the answers to. He doesn’t want to think about any of this right now, doesn’t want his problems to take over the band. The band, and Julie, were the most important things right now, and that’s why they had to focus on finding their unfinished business.

As luck would have it, they are standing right under the bright, shining lights of the Orpheum, and it’s that easy, and that difficult, all at the same time. Finding a way to play the Orpheum and cross over before they faded away completely was their new mission, their _only_ mission.

Alex lived for sixteen years without a soulmark, but he’d still found two soulmates he would do anything for. He would be alright losing the soulmark he’d just gotten, losing the soulmate he’d never met… or at least he hopes he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from Wide Eyed- Billy Lockett
> 
> So this chapter was... interesting... Reggie and Luke find out some new, worrying information and we finally find out what's going on with Alex's soulmark and the jolts! Did anybody guess right? ;) 
> 
> I've planned out the rest of this fic and I believe there's about 4 chapters left, unless I feel like adding more - I'll be figuring it out along with you guys haha
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter :) Letme know what you think!


	10. the ghosts that I know and some that I don't

When he’d first learned he had a soulmark, Alex didn’t want to know what it looked like. His mark was out of sight, on the back of his neck, and there were times he felt like he didn’t even remember it was there. Then the jolts had started and he couldn’t forget about the mark, still out of sight but making itself known with every flash of pain.

Willie tells him his mark is slowly fading before disappearing completely, and a quiet voice in the back of Alex’s head tells him it’s better to lose this mark than his other one. The mark he shares with Luke and Reggie is engraved in his brain, he could never forget what that one looks like, but he’s glad he isn’t in danger of losing it all the same.

Now, faced with the fact that he’ll soon lose the mark forever – even if they do cross over, Alex isn’t sure what will happen next, so there’s not telling if they’ll still have their marks – Alex realizes there is something he needs to do.

He stands in front of the door, his hands clenched at his sides, and says a silent wish to whoever is listening that he won’t fumble his way through this, making it way more awkward than it needs to be.

His knuckles rasp on the door and he hears someone inside call out a quick, “One second!” followed by rustling.

Forty eight seconds later, not that Alex was counting, Julie opens her bedroom door. “Oh, hey, Alex, what’s up?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets and suddenly forgets everything he’d planned to say. He gulps and, after seeing her brow furrow in confusion and realizing he’s making a fool of himself, stutters out the only thing he can think of, “I need your help with something.”

She motions for him to come in and he sits on her bed as she moves to her dresser to put away a few things. “If you want another crash course in today’s movies and TV, you’re probably better off hanging around Carlos,” she chuckles.

“No,” he blurts out. She turns back to him, an eyebrow raised in question but not in anger. “I mean, thank-thank you, but that’s not what I need help with.” His voice quickens, his eyes dart around the room, his fingers thrum with unspent nervous energy.

One, or all, of those things must give away his unease because Julie puts down what she’d been holding and crosses the few steps to her bed and gives him a concerned look. “Alex, I’ll help you no matter what. It doesn’t matter if it’s something silly or even something serious.”

He can’t help the small exhale out of his nose. “That’s just it, I… I don’t know which one it is. It might even be a bit of both.”

“Well, that just means I _have_ to hear what it is now,” she smiles. Alex has yet to meet someone who is immune to Julie Molina’s smile, and the sunshine she radiates with it. In these quick, quiet moments, he sees his sister in Julie – someone who can make the darkest, stormiest nights, feel like the brightest, sunniest days.

Alex takes a deep breath and turns slightly on the bed to be facing Julie. “I was wondering if you would be able to help me,” he pauses, his hand instinctively reaching for the back of his neck. “see my soulmark?”

There’s a flash of surprise on Julie’s face, but it melts away to that same warm smile and Alex can’t believe he was ever nervous about asking her this.

“Alex,” she says. It’s just his name, but it’s laced with fondness and pride and _love_ that it makes Alex’s heart flutter. “Of course I’ll help you with this.”

It only takes a few minutes before they’re sitting on Julie’s floor, Alex facing the door with Julie sketching behind him, and they fall into a comfortable silence. The only sounds coming from them are the pencil gliding across the page and Julie’s soft humming.

She calls him when she’s done and he braces himself as he turns around. He gasps when he sees the intricate design on Julie’s page. His hand reaches out to touch the page, run his fingers across the edges of the design, but he’s too overwhelmed to concentrate on making himself physical, and his fingers fall through the page instead.

It’s that moment he realizes something about the drawing: it’s filled with vibrant colours.

“I wanted to capture how beautiful it really was,” Julie explains. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, no it’s perfect,” Alex says, wanting nothing more than to reach out and hug her and not let go. “T-thank you.” His voice cracks but he can’t bring himself to care, not when he’s still reeling from the fact that _he’s seeing his soulmark for the first time_. If this was the only time he truly got to see it before it faded away, he’s glad it’ll be a beautiful thing to think about.

Julie looks away then, her eyes moving towards her shelf where a notebook lays with many pages sticking out of it. Alex doesn’t recognize it, but it’s obviously something important to Julie, if her sad smile is anything to go by.

“I, uh, I know what it’s like, living your entire life with the reminder of someone who isn’t there anymore,” she sighs. “My soulmark has been faded since the day I was born.” She looks back at him then, and her gaze not as light as before, somehow weighed down by the ghost of her unknown soulmate. “I used to colour it in all the time, just to imagine what it would look like.”

Alex smiles at her. “You sound like Willie.”

Julie’s eyebrows raise at the other ghosts name. “Is-is his…”

He nods. “He told me about it after he saw my mark.” He holds out his marked wrist, tracing the design loosely with his fingertips. “I used to do something very similar, back before I had any mark.”

He carries on telling her about the drawings on his skin, the ones he hoped would make another magically appear. He laughs when he tells her about the sadness he felt when the marker would wash away, leaving behind his bare skin, how he’d figured out that maybe there wasn’t anyone in the world for him. He also tells her about meeting Luke and Reggie, and finding his family in them; neither of them can stop smiling as he shows off the tattoo they all share, explaining the events that led to its creation.

It’s that moment, after he’s bared his heart to Julie as she has to him, that Alex feels somewhat lighter, like he got rid of a weight he hadn’t known he was carrying. Being able to tell someone who wasn’t Reggie or Luke about all of this was strangely comforting – almost akin to finally revealing a long kept secret.

The wheels continue to turn in Alex’s mind, and he realizes that seeing his soulmark for the first time and talking to Julie about his bare skin felt like he was crossing something important off a list, not unfinished business but rather things he wanted to do before he moved on.

With that in his mind, he bids Julie goodbye and thanks her again, determined to go have a talk with someone that was almost twenty years overdue.

His sister hadn’t been at his parents’ house like last time he’d been there, but he’d thankfully overheard his mother telling his father about her going to “buy some flowers for _him_.” His relationship with his parents was already frayed beyond repair, but their refusal to even say his name made Alex hurt all over again.

He hadn’t stayed long enough to hear anything else, choosing to seek out his sister instead.

In the far left corner of the graveyard, Alex sees his sister, gorgeous flowers in her hand and tears in her eyes. She’s standing over his grave and there are a few quiet sobs that escape her.

He watches as she sets the flowers down and brushes her hands along the letters carved out in the stone. The stone is one of the last reminders of her brother, one of the last pieces of proof he ever existed.

“Hey, Alex,” she greets. He stops dead in his tracks and stares at her with wide eyes. If she can see him, maybe it was a mistake coming here; she would only get more freaked out seeing the ghost of her dead brother and – “Hope it’s okay if I stop to talk for a bit.”

Alex’s momentary fear dissipates as he watches his sister lay out a small blanket, smooth it over, and sit down. She can’t see him after all, which is as much a relief as it is a disappointment.

He decides in a millisecond to sit down across from her, basically sitting in front of his own grave. Alex has seen Reggie have one sided conversations with Ray all the time and they seem to make him feel better, despite the hollowness of the conversation, and Alex would try it, only if he could see his sister for a little bit.

“I brought you some-” she reaches over, just next to Alex’s leg, to inspect the flowers she’d laid down “I am still not sure how to pronounce that, but Suzie said they represented ‘truth and innocence’, so I hope they’re alright.”

A small breeze passes through, jostling the plastic surrounding the stems of the flowers. Alex instinctively reaches out and smooths it over. When he turns back to his sister, her eyes are trained almost exactly to the spot his fingers are resting.

On instinct he blurts out an “I love them, Lydia.” She doesn’t take notice of his words, probably brushing off the incident as a coincidence and continues talking.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a little bit – Jeremy’s been swamped with work so I haven’t had time to stop by. Joanna keeps asking about coming back, you know. She wants to know all about her Uncle Alex and I _want_ to tell her all of it, but the more I think about the more I realize, I don’t _have_ the answers she’s looking for,” she says, quiet sobs wracking her voice the longer she continues. “I don’t… I don’t even know what your favourite colour was, Alex,” she gives a bitter laugh.

Alex feels his chest tighten at the sight of his sister upset. He’s always been the best at cheering her up, and today will be no exception. He scans the area for anything that could help, and laughs when he sees his sister is wearing the perfect thing: the watch around her wrist sports a pink band holding it in place. He reaches out tentatively, double checking she can’t actually see him, and turns the watch around her wrist slightly.

Lydia immediately looks down to her wrist and then checks her surroundings. She calls his name in such a quiet, hopeful voice that Alex wishes that he could reach out and tell her he was here with her, but no one save Julie was able to see them when they weren’t performing, so this would have to do for now.

He twirls her watch again at the same time the wind picks up. She looks down at it once again. “I don’t know if that’s really you doing this, or if it’s just one big trick by the universe, but I’m glad you at least had some taste, Alex.”

There’s a few moments of silence as she closes her eyes and sways gently in the breeze, as if listening to something. She starts humming and it takes Alex only a few bars to recognize the song – it’s _Now or Never_. Alex isn’t sure how she had found his music, but he’s glad she knows about it, it’s one more thing Lydia can use to feel closer to her brother.

She continues humming up until the chorus before slowly winding down. “After the news broke about… _that_ day, I found out you had a band, and I knew I just had to grab one of your CDs. It was difficult, I had to sneak around Mom and Dad, but I managed to save up enough money to grab one and I’ve made sure to hold onto it ever since,” she explains, as if she can hear Alex’s thoughts. “Joanna’s been listening to your music too. She loves it, Alex, I can’t get her to _stop_ playing it,” she laughs softly at the memory.

Then, as if suddenly remembering something important, she starts fumbling around in her purse, searching for something. Alex is momentarily afraid she’ll have to leave so quickly, but his fear dies down when she pulls out a folded piece of paper with a drawing on the front.

“She wanted me to bring this when I came to visit you next: it’s a little late, but she made you a card for your birthday.” She sets it down gently next to the flowers and Alex can finally admire it. It’s a white piece of paper with ‘Happy Birthday’ written in giant bubble letters, and a drawing of Alex, Luke and Reggie on the front of it. “She wanted to draw you and your best friends, and that photo from the night you… died was the only one I have of you, I hope you don’t mind too much.”

Alex feels tears start to trickle down his cheeks but he doesn’t even care to wipe them away. His heart feels like it’s in a vice grip but in the best possible way: seeing how much his sister still loves him after nearly 30 years and his niece already wants to know everything about him despite never having met, is the kind of love he’d only ever really found with Luke and Reggie.

“I read that the three of you… passed together,” her fingers trace the drawing of the three boys on the front of the card, “I just hope that wherever you guys are, that you’re together. I don’t want you to be lonely. You deserve to be happy, Alex, you deserve that and so much more.”

Lydia clears her throat and wipes at her eyes gently with a tissue. “Wherever you are, you take care, Alex, alright? I’ll be back to talk next week,” she smiles, gently dusting off her pants before folding up the blanket.

Alex is left sitting in front of his own grave, staring at the flowers and the card his sister had left for him. He runs his hand over it, trying desperately to pick either up, but his hands fall through, into the ground. Cursing to himself, he gets up and looks back at the stone with his name carved into it. He’s glad he was there for when his sister bared her soul, despite the mixed feelings he had at seeing reminders of his own death, he’s happy this is still one way his sister can feel connected to him.

With his sister gone though, he can’t bring himself to spend any more time there, so he tries one last time to pick up the card before heading back to the loft empty handed.

He’s pacing the length of the studio over and over and _over_. His feet are starting to go numb from the sheer amount of steps he’s taken in the same spots for the past half hour, but he keeps going. Pacing – or rather, his model strut as Reggie and Luke like to call it – helps him figure stuff out. He voices his thoughts out loud, try and make sense of them. It’s a habit Reggie and Luke have tried, unsuccessfully, to break him of.

“I don’t know which one would be worse: being a bad son or being a bad brother, but I’m or both of those. What if she’s mad that I can’t go back to see my parents? What am I gonna do if she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? What if she-“

“Alex!” Luke stops him, jumping from the couch to grab his shoulders. “Lydia loves you more than anyone else, she-”

His speech is interrupted by Reggie muttering a “Well I can think of two people…” which earns him a pointed glare from Luke and a small smile from Alex. He lifts his hands in mock surrender before getting up and leaning an arm on Luke’s shoulder, facing Alex.

“ _As_ I was saying,” he glares at Reggie, but there’s no heat behind it, “She may not be able to see you there, but she can definitely _feel_ you there, yanno? She’s your sister, Alex, and she loves you more than anyone else _alive_ ,” he says, throwing a sneer towards Reggie with his final words. He quickly turns back to Alex and squeezes a shoulder.

“She still has a relationship with my parents, even if it’s complicated – I don’t want to have to make her choose between me and them, it’s not fair!” Alex counters. His argument starts to seem frail even to his own ears, but the thoughts stir in his mind and they start to overpower everything else. “She’s lived a whole life! For me, it’s been almost a blink of an eye, but for her it’s been almost _thirty years_ ,” his voice is getting shakier and his throat feels like it’s closing in on itself. His breath quickens as the thoughts drown him out.

His younger sister is now an adult with a job and a family and a _life_. He doesn’t know what happened to his sister after the night he’d gotten kicked out and he regrets that fact the longer he hears her talk about him. His younger sister is now over twice as old as Alex himself was – Alex didn’t want to think about the reaction she’d had when she undoubtedly realized the same thing.

“We’ve been dead longer than we were alive,” Reggie points out. Alex realizes he may have accidentally said that last part out loud. “But look at it this way: for Lydia, it’s been thirty years since she’s last seen you, but she still talks about you like you’re her favourite person in the world, like she loves you more than anything.” Reggie drops his arm from Luke’s shoulder and grabs Alex’s hand, gently guiding the trio towards the couch.

“Thanks, Reg,” Alex nods gently, but there’s still a single though that still tugs at his brain. “I… went to go see my parents while I was looking for Lydia and I almost felt… happy for a second – it was like I was a kid again, before everything went down, and I just,” he puts his head in his hands. “Is it bad if I miss them, even after everything?”

“Just because you guys ended on really bad terms doesn’t mean you just forget all your other memories of them,” Luke tells him.

“I… I still think about my parents. Some days I want to keep looking for them, see where they are, but I realize every time that no matter how much I miss them, I’m better off without them,” Reggie says, his expression the most serious Alex has ever seen him. He grabs Alex’s knee and squeezes quickly and tightly. “Alex, it’s alright to miss people you don’t want back in your life.”

It’s a simple statement, but Alex thinks it’s exactly what he needed to hear. He can think of a happy memory of his mother, and can barely relate her to the woman who stood and watched as his father kicked him out. She almost becomes two separate people: the Before and the After, but they’re still linked together. He could miss his mom without missing his mother.

The thought washes over him and he reaches out to envelop the other two in a tight hug, burying his face into Reggie’s neck. “You guys are the best.”

They both give a quiet laugh, then Luke mutters, “Tell us something we don’t know.” And it takes every ounce of willpower for Alex not to smack Luke upside the head.

“I’m _trying_ to have a sentimental moment here, you ass,” he groans, but smiles nonetheless.

Reggie snickers, “With us, you’re lucky to get sixty percent of a moment at most.”

Alex can’t help the laugh that escapes him as he remembers exactly why he agreed to share a soulmark with these two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from Silhouettes by FYKE.
> 
> Merry (late) Christmas and Happy holidays everyone :) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the latest chapter and let me know what you think!


	11. but all I catch is mist, what little of you sticks

The soft sounds of Luke strumming on his guitar fill the studio while Reggie is dozing off on the couch and Alex watches over them both, perched with his legs dangling over the edge.

His hand is shoved in his pocket, fiddling with the piece of paper that’s folded neatly inside. He wants to take it out and memorize every last detail of it, but talks himself out of it each time.

Would it be better or worse for him to remember what his soulmark looked like once it faded away for good? He wonders if he would be able to go back to how it was for the seventeen years before his death, to go through life without a mark on his skin. It also felt wrong to just ignore his soulmark now, especially given that he’d asked Julie to draw it for him _specifically_ so he would be able to know what it looked like-

“Alex,” Reggie calls to him without opening his eyes. “I can hear you thinking from all the way over here.”

“Sorry, I’m just,” Alex gestures to his head, but continues when he realizes Reggie isn’t looking at him. “I’m just thinking about what I’m gonna do when my soulmark disappears.”

That seems to get his attention because Alex suddenly feels Reggie appear beside him, with Luke standing at the base of the ladder.

“Alex, we’ll figure _something_ out before it gets to that point, alright?” Luke reassures him.

“Yeah, we’ve gotten ourselves out of worse situations before,” Reggie adds, his tone somewhere between seriousness and playfulness. A questioning look from Alex has him rolling his eyes. “Fine, I guess the Sharpie incident from ’93 isn’t technically _worse_ than this, but it comes pretty close!”

Alex’s hands resume their fidgeting in his pockets once again, grasping the paper with twitching fingers. The other two already know what his soulmark looks like, so it’s not that he feels embarrassed about showing it to them, it’s more so the fact that he’d waited this long to even _want_ to know what it looks like.

He pulls out the piece of paper gently and unfolds it in his lap. He stares at it like it’s the last time he’ll see it, and might burn holes into the page with how intent his gaze stays. He wants to remember every line, every curve, every shape of his mark.

“It’s a weird feeling,” he says after a moment of contemplation. “I thought at first I’d be fine with this. I mean, I didn’t have a soulmark I didn’t share with you guys for seventeen years, so shouldn’t I better at handling this new soulmark fading?”

Reggie’s arm snakes around his shoulders. “Sometimes feelings just don’t make sense. Sometimes you just have to… go with it and let yourself feel them,” he shrugs. Then, he leans closer towards Alex and, with a voice laced with a sense of pride, whispers, “Another nugget of wisdom courtesy of Ray Molina.”

Alex exhales sharply, still giving a small smile to Reggie. “What if you don’t _know_ what those feelings are, though? I’m missing someone I never even met and it feels like I’m losing someone I never even had in the first place.”

Luke calls his name and he and Reggie both look down. “I… I don’t know if my soulmate is actually gone, or if it really is just Caleb’s tricks, but I know that whenever I look at my mark, it just reminds me of something I’ve lost, but I can’t picture _what_ I’ve lost. It’s like,” he trails off, looking around the studio for something. He gives a quiet exclamation when he finds a sheet of paper with lyrics scribbled on it. “It’s like when I lost my first songbook. It was mostly empty, but it was about what wasn’t in it that made me mad. I was pissed about all the songs I hadn’t written yet, the ones I was planning to write on those pages,” he explains.

Alex thinks he understands Luke’s metaphor. “And you still lost something, even if it wasn’t fully yours to begin with.”

Luke nod enthusiastically - Alex has known Luke for too long to not understand the way his brain works. “I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, Alex, but my mark is faded even if I just got it, and I will probably never know who my soulmate -”

“Luke,” a voice calls out, slightly shaky but still strong. “is this some kind of joke?”

Three pairs of eyes jump to the door that is now open, to see Julie standing there, her eyes narrowing in on Luke and her journal clutched in her hand so tightly, her knuckles start to go white.

Alex and Reggie poof down to where Luke is standing. They share a look before alternation their gazes between Julie and a confused Luke.

“Julie, what are you talking about?” Luke asks, taking a step forward.

Julie covers the remaining few steps and says, “I’m talking about _this_.” She points a finger at Luke’s arm, her hand trembling ever so slightly. 

“That’s my,” he swallows roughly, “that’s my soulmark.”

Julie’s eyes widen to an almost comical extent before her gaze flitters between Luke’s eyes and his mark. “Your soulmark? B-but I thought that you guys had,” she gestures to her wrist, “one already.”

“We do, it’s just… different,” Alex says, having trouble finding the right words – Julie didn’t need a long explanation for how they’d ended up with the matching marks on their wrists, she just wanted to know what the mark _was_. “That was a mark we gave ourselves.”

Luke nods in agreement. “Julie, what’s going on? You know you can tell us anything.”

Julie starts filtering through the pages of her journal – Alex recognizes it as the one she’d had in her room, the one she looked at wistfully while she was talking about her soulmate - before settling her finger on a page about halfway through in. She turns the page around and the boys see the intricate design she’s doodled on the page countless times, in different colours and different sizes.

“J-Julie, why do you have that in your journal?” Luke’s voice starts to wobble as he asks.

“It’s my soulmark.”

She rolls up her sleeve to reveal a very familiar mark on her arm. Luke’s fingers twitch ever so slightly, no doubt wanting to reach out and trace the mark, but it wasn’t his mark to touch so his hands stay glued to his sides.

“That can’t be right,” Julie continues. “My mark is…” realization crosses her features and she mutters out a quick “ _damn ghost_ ” under her breath.

Luke looks down at his own mark and holds up his arm, tracing it gently with his index finger. Julie looks between his face and his mark. He nods, gives her the go ahead, but her hand falls through him, his boy still intangible to the living.

“Your mark is faded, but I’m still- I’m still _alive_ ,” she says, her gaze finally turning to Alex and Reggie standing behind Luke. “What does it mean?”

The three ghosts share a look – they didn’t want to tell Julie about the jolts because it just meant more loss for her, but there was no choice now.

“It’s Caleb,” Alex explains. “Whatever he did to us at the club affected our marks… They’re fading before disappearing completely.”

There’s a beat of silence, with Julie and Luke back to staring at each other while Reggie and Alex share their own look. There was a long discussion ahead.

“Well, I guess that explains why Luke _oozes_ chemistry when he’s with Julie,” Reggie laughs.

“I _thought_ I told you never to say ooze again,” Alex elbows him gently, but he can’t help the chuckle that escapes him. “but they _do_ make a pretty good pair.”

The last time Alex was in the Orpheum was the night he and his family died, the night they were hours away from glory and realizing all of their dreams. The Orpheum is empty and eerily quiet, an unsettling contrast to the loud of booming sounds echoing around the venue last time Alex had been here.

The hall looks so much bigger with nobody in it and every sound echoes throughout. At first Alex had thought it would be comforting to come back to the Orpheum, to see their unfinished business in a physical form, but all it really did was make the pit in Alex’s stomach sink further. The emptiness and the vastness of the venue makes Alex remember that they’d worked their asses off to get their first shot at the Orpheum and now they had a few days at most to make it back here.

He twirls a drumstick between his fingers, looking around the venue and taking in all the small details. It had changed so much and yet so little since 1995, Alex almost forgot over twenty years had gone by since he’d last set foot here. He could almost picture them up on that stage, doing soundcheck for their big break, counting down the seconds until they were playing in front of the crowd.

Alex is pulled out of his thoughts by the familiar sound of a ghost appearing next to him. He doesn’t even need to turn his head to know it’s Willie – there’s always been a part of Alex that has just _known_ when Willie was around, that could recognize him anywhere. Besides, Luke had gone to talk to Julie at school and Reggie had stayed behind at the house to spend more time with Ray, so logically Willie was the only other person that made sense.

Willie apologizes once more for getting them involved with Caleb but Alex tells him in no uncertain terms that they don’t blame him. People like Caleb crave power and control, and Alex is sure that if Willie hadn’t brought them to him, Caleb would’ve just found another way to lure them into his web.

“When you guys asked me I should’ve just skated away,” Willie tells him and he’s looking everywhere but at Alex which is both a blessing and a curse.

Alex leans over and swallows, trying to quell the uneasiness he felt in his throat. “I would have still followed you,” he says, and he means every word of it. If he’d gone back to that day, he would’ve followed Willie no question – Alex can’t think of a single thing Willie could’ve said that day that would’ve kept Alex from wanting to follow him and spend more time with him.

Willie finally looks at him and Alex chuckles ever so slightly, forgetting just how much he liked looking at the other ghost. It’s the first time he’s been this close to Willie since the other had told him they never should have met, had essentially broken up with him, except they weren’t even really in a relationship. Alex still isn’t sure what to call what he and Willie have, and he’s angry at the fact that they won’t get time to figure it out.

Willie asks him about their unfinished business and Alex waves his hand at the empty venue surrounding them. Alex tells him about the adrenaline pumping through their veins when they were practicing on the stage, how it all felt like a dream, an honour to play the Orpheum, and it all slipped away in a matter of hours. Their unfinished business was the only thing that could save them from Caleb, and it was the thing that was the furthest out of their reach.

He’s thought about Caleb’s offer more than once. If he accepted it, he’d be able to keep his soulmark, keep his music, keep his family. He’d get to spend an eternity with Willie, catch up on all the time they’ve lost even now – Alex would get to be _happy_. He wants to tell Willie that he’s thought about staying, but then decides it won’t help anyone, if anything it would throw more guilt onto Willie’s already straining shoulders and Alex doesn’t want to be a part of that.

It doesn’t escape him though that all he has to do to stop the pain is to say yes to Caleb – but it wasn’t that simple, really. Saying yes to Caleb means giving up on making their own music, giving up on the band, giving up on _Julie_ , and Alex could never do that.

There’s a wave of pain emanating from his neck, but they’re getting shorter and more abrupt and Alex can’t figure out if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. He knows his mark is probably almost gone entirely, it may even disappear before they get a chance to cross over. Something he’d once scoffed at was now something he desperately didn’t want to lose.

Alex rubs at his neck and sighs. “Do you… do you know what’s waiting for us on the other side?”

Willie’s eyes soften and he shakes his head. “No one’s ever crossed over and come back,” he says, turning his body towards Alex’s. “I just know that people solve their unfinished business and then they… leave.” His fingers twitch and edge themselves ever so closer to Alex’s hand, and if Alex moves his hand to meet him halfway, neither of them mentions it.

“If we do somehow get the chance to play this place again and cross over, then we’ll go out on a high note,” he exhales. “and if we don’t, at least…” he squeezes Willie’s hand. “at least we’ll go out together.”

Willie doesn’t say anything to that, just nodding and squeezing Alex’s hand right back. He looks up at the ceiling, his eyes tracing the intricate designs, when he mutters something that Alex almost misses, despite the empty venue. “ _I wish we had more time_.”

“Willie?” he almost doesn’t recognize his own voice, but he waits until Willie is looking at him again to ask if he’s alright.

“I feel like I just found you,” Willie laughs, but it’s drenched in sadness and regret and anger. It’s a tone Alex is familiar with: Willie is already preparing himself to grieve for Alex once he’s gone.

Meeting Willie had been one of the best things to happen to Alex, before or after he became a ghost, and he understands the anger Willie feels at the unfairness of it all. Once again, Alex feels like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football, failing no matter how many times he tells himself it’s a trick.

Neither of them say anything else for a good while, just sitting and enjoying each other’s company. Alex steals a few glances at Willie, trying to memorize every detail of his face, every detail of his smile, of his laugh, of all the things that make him _him_.

Willie excuses himself after wishing Alex and them luck, reminding him that he is more than willing to help with anything they need, “and I mean _anything_ , Alex,” he’d reminded him in a tone that made Alex want to ask him for help with trivial things just to have him around if it was going to be his last day on earth.

Willie leaves and suddenly Alex is left alone again, staring down at the empty venue and he takes a few shaky breaths, trying to contain his frustration.

It doesn’t work.

It feels wrong to do it when Willie isn’t there, but Alex screams and screams and _screams_.

A knock on the studio door rattle Alex out of his writing induced haze.

“Luke?” a voice calls out, Alex instantly recognizes it as Julie’s as she walks into the studio.

“Just me I’m afraid,” Alex answers, getting up and motioning around to the empty studio. “Luke went with Reggie to go check out the Orpheum again.”

“You didn’t want to go with them?”

Alex shakes his head. He doesn’t want to explain that he’d been there hours earlier, had a conversation with Willie and now almost never wanted to go back. “No, I’m…” he trails off. “It’s just one of those days, I guess.” He motions to his head as he twirls the pen in his hand as he would his drumstick.

He shakes off his thoughts and motions to the couch. “If you need help with something, I can do my best.”

“I just wanted to talk to him about something, but thank you, Alex,” she smiles at him, her eyes falling to the pen in his hand. “What were you writing?”

“I was actually going to ask you about that – would you be able to do me one last favor before we- before we cross over?”

She nods quickly, before he’s even done asking. “Of course, Alex.”

“I’m writing a letter to my sister and I was wondering if you… if you would be able to deliver it for me?”

She reaches forward on the couch, her fingers mere millimeters from his but still not touching, and her smiles grows even warmer.

He wants to hug her so badly, but he settles for thanking her extensively instead. He seals the letter in an envelope and slides it on the couch towards Julie.

“When you give it to her, could you-” he stops himself, not sure of what he’s going to ask.

“What is it, Alex?”

Alex takes a deep breath. “When you give it to her, could you tell her you found it in a box somewhere in here, that you think it’s from back in the 90s?”

Julie’s brow furrows, her gaze going between Alex and the letter. She doesn’t ask him any questions, but he feels the need to answer them anyway.

“When I got kicked out, it was abrupt and my little sister wasn’t home, so for those few years before I died, I had zero contact with her. I never got a chance to talk to her again and tell her how much I missed her and love her, so I wanted to write this now so that she’ll know,” he explains, eyes glued to the letter in Julie’s hands. “It’s written as if it’s a few days before we’re going to play the Orpheum, before we died.”

Julie just nods. “Alex, this is one of the most caring gestures I think I’ve ever seen one sibling do for another,” she holds the card tighter in her palms. “It’ll bring her so much comfort and joy to know that you were thinking of her even when you weren’t in her life anymore,” she laughs gently. “It’ll give her the closure she’s probably been waiting years for.”

As always, Julie Molina is an endless fountain of advice and wise words. Alex is calmed by her words, washing over him like a breath of fresh air – he hadn’t regretted writing the letter, but after Julie’s speech, he would write hundreds of letters if it meant his sister was happier.

He can hear just a hint of sadness in Julie’s tone and Alex remembers that she’s probably speaking from experience. She’d lost her mother so abruptly and he wonders if she yearns for something like this, a sign from her mom that she was still around, still caring for her even after death.

Alex thanks her again and Julie excuses herself to go and do some schoolwork. She leaves with a request to let her know when Luke and Reggie get back, which he happily obliges.

The second she’s out of the room, Alex gets to work on writing another letter, except this time it isn’t for his sister. Julie’s speech about happiness and closure made Alex realize that as nervous as they were for crossing over, he can’t imagine what it must feel like for Julie, to gain everything and then lose it just as quickly.

She deserves to be happy after they’re gone, to continue doing music and to live her life to the fullest and live our every single dream she has. She’s helped them so much from the moment they’ve come back as ghosts and they can’t ever repay her for her kindness. He tells her as much in his letter as he scribbles down every single thing he wants, no, _needs_ Julie to know.

She’s become part of his family as much as he’s become part of hers, it’s a feeling that ignites a warm fire in his heart and he can only hope that same warmth bleeds into every word he writes on the page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone! You guys get a bonus chapter a bit ahead of schedule since I got a burst of energy to edit this chapter and write out most of the final two chapters.  
> As always, hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think! :)
> 
> Chapter title taken from Let Me Go by Startisan.


	12. all my love was down in a frozen ground

Alex tucks the folded pieces of paper into his hoodie’s pocket, planning to stash them somewhere in the studio later on. Reggie’s laughter from downstairs calls his attention and Alex poofs down there to see what’s going on.

He’s greeted to a sight that isn’t uncommon: Reggie is sitting next to Ray, the former trying to keep a conversation going even while the latter can’t see him. Alex can’t hear exactly what they’re discussing, but Reggie is smiling and moving his chair to sit closer to Ray while Ray looks at his computer screen, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

They’ve all dealt with their new lives as ghosts in different ways and Alex has always envied Reggie’s ability to find happiness wherever he could. He’d had one one-sided conversation with his sister and he couldn’t help but continuously try to communicate with her, he wasn’t sure how Reggie stayed sane having multiple conversations with Ray.

Then again, there was so much of Julie they see in Ray (when really they should probably look at it the other way) that it’s a no-brainer that they get along so well: Julie was one of the easiest people to talk to and to feel comfortable around, and they can tell her dad had a hand in that.

“Super Cool Radical Hologram Performance hits all the right boxes, doesn’t it?” he hears Reggie ask.

“Hey Reg,” he greets, putting a hand on Reggie’s shoulder as his eyes follow Reggie’s gaze to the computer screen. “Whatcha doin?”

“I’m just helping Ray pick out a title for the video of our performance.”

Alex turns to him and, as much as he loves Reggie, he can’t help the look of confusion mixed with just a tinge of disgust that crosses over his face and stays there. “And you thought Super Cool Awesome-”

“Ah, ah, ah. Super Cool _Radical_ – please give the name the respect it deserves,” Reggie wags a finger at him.

“Ray can’t think of a name for the video and you want him to name it Super Cool Radical Hologram Performance?” Alex asks, counting the words on his fingers as he goes. “Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue now, does it?”

Reggie blows him a raspberry. “ _Fine_ , I’ll try and think of something else.” He wracks his hand through his dark hair to try and come up with a new title. Alex offers a few suggestions for them to be immediately shot down, Reggie claiming they are all ridiculous.

Reggie bolts upright and exclaims that he’s found the perfect title.

“What is it?” Alex asks, already bracing himself for yet another ridiculous suggestion.

“We call it: Best Hologram Band Ever,” he says, adding ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ for dramatic effect. He looks so happy and so proud of himself that Alex can’t help but see the resemblance to a dog.

Alex smiles back, but still can’t escape the nagging in the back of his mind. “That’s… _okay._ I still think that we can come up with a better-”

“I’ve got it!” Ray exclaims, cutting Alex off. Both Reggie and Alex’s eyes turn to the computer screen to see what title he’s finally landed on. “Best… Hologram… Band… Ever…” he repeats each word as he types in the letters.

Alex immediately feels the need to wipe the smug smile that’s thrown across Reggie’s face. He settles for pushing his face away and both of them erupt into quiet chuckles.

He’d just have to plead with Julie to go and change the name of the video later.

“Reg, I didn’t think I’d ever see the day we found someone who was on the same weird wavelength as you.”

“I know, right? It’s almost like we finish each other’s…” he trails off, looking to Ray. Ray, understandably, doesn’t answer and continues typing. “sentences.” He grumbles out after a few seconds of silence.

Alex rolls his eyes fondly at the exchange, or lack thereof. Reggie tries every time to interact with Ray and despite the countless times he’s been ignored, seeing as he was a ghost after all, Reggie keeps at it and does whatever he can to feel closer to Ray.

Reggie thinks he and Luke don’t notice the way he accidentally ‘drops’ the pencils he’s holding around Ray when he sees him looking for something to write with, or the multiple times he’s ‘bumped’ into the fridge door to close it when Ray forgets, or even the way he ‘forgets’ what he’s writing on the little sticky notes, despite them knowing full well it’s Ray’s passwords that the other man forgets often. They’ve known him long enough to see the signs of when Reggie cares about someone – they’ve been experiencing it longer than anyone.

Ray laughs as he finishes uploading the video. Alex sees the way Reggie’s head turns ever so slightly to get a better view of Ray’s smiling face, he sees the fingers on the table that twitch, yearning to hold, and he definitely sees the big smile erupt on Reggie’s face.

“I’m gonna miss this,” Reggie says suddenly, making Alex jump. “I’m going to miss _them_.” He turns to look at Alex and he can only imagine he’d had the same expression on his own face hours earlier. Alex only nods and puts a hand on Reggie’s wrist.

Reggie turns back to Ray and studies him, no doubt trying to draw a picture of the man in his mind, a piece for him to keep after they cross over. “I wish we had more time,” the words are so soft that Alex almost doesn’t hear them, but he just rubs his thumb in small circles on Reggie’s wrist, right over their soulmark.

It must be a coincidence, but Alex can’t help but notice what Reggie just said was the exact same thing Willie had told him hours earlier. If this moment weren’t so important to Reggie, Alex thinks he might’ve let out a bitter laugh at the universe playing these tricks on all of them.

“I know Reggie,” he comforts him as best he can. There aren’t many words left to say about it – they’ve past the other four stages of grief and now all that was left was acceptance. “We all do.”

This is a mistake. One giant, big, obvious mistake that Alex isn’t sure he wants to make. He tries to tell Julie as much a few times as they walk together, but she just walks through him, saying she promised him she would do this and that she always keeps her promises.

“Julie, she’s probably busy and what if she doesn’t believe you and I don’t want you to-”

“Alex,” she stops him, calling to him in a soft voice. “We’re here.” She gestures behind him, and Alex takes a shaky breath before he turns around and sees his sister’s home all but towering above him.

He turns back to Julie. “You’re going to go up to that door and knock on it no matter what I say, aren’t you?”

“Yup,” she says, lips popping on the ‘p’.

Alex sighs, realizing it’s a lost cause and moves to stand behind Julie. She gives him a quick glance and says, “Alex, remember you did this _for her_ – she’ll appreciate this more than anything, trust me.”

All he can manage is a quick nod before his eyes follow her hand as it rasps against the wooden door.

His sister opens the door and his heart skips a beat no matter how many times he sees her. She greets smiles at her so warmly that Alex can’t help but replicate the smile as his two families collide.

Julie and Lydia exchange a quick greeting before Julie gets to the reason she and Alex were there in the first place. “Sorry to bother you but… are you Lydia Mercer?”

“Well I guess that depends who’s asking,” Lydia replies, the smile never leaving her face.

“My name’s Julie, Julie Molina, and I found a box of old stuff in my mom’s old studio and, well,” she fiddles with the piece of paper still held in her hands, holding it up so Lydia could see it. “I found a letter that’s addressed to you and figured I’d come down and deliver it.”

“Please come inside,” she offers, standing aside to let Julie in.

Alex moves to follow Julie inside but stops at the threshold. He takes a shaky breath and tells himself that this isn’t his parent’s house, this is a house where he is welcome even if his sister doesn’t exactly know he’s there. He takes a single step yet it feels like he’s crossed a canyon.

He hears his sister offer Julie something to drink as she walks into the kitchen, coming back shortly after with two glasses of water.

The two of them sit down and Alex feels wrong standing behind Julie so he leans himself against the armrest of her chair.

Julie pushes the letter closer to Lydia, who reaches out with a shaking hand to grab it. Her fingers pass over the words on the envelope, seeing her name scribbled out in Alex’s handwriting. She holds it in her hand but she doesn’t make a move to open it. A small sniffle escapes Lydia, who quickly wipes at her eyes with the hem of her sleeve.

Lydia carefully yet hurriedly tears open the top of the envelope and pulls out the enclosed letter. Alex watches her face carefully as she reads, gauging her reactions.

At first her face is soft and she has a small smile reading the introduction to the letter. She gives a small chuckle and Alex knows she’s gotten to the part where he talks about staying with Luke and Reggie, how he’d much rather have two of her as roommates instead because she doesn’t smell as bad as they do.

Suddenly, her eyes seem glassy and she sniffles again. Something in Alex’s chest tightens and he knows that she’s reading about how excited he was to play the Orpheum, about how that night was going to be life changing.

Then, as her eyes scroll to the bottom of the page, Alex knows she’s reading the last few lines he’d written: _I_ _’ll_ _see you around, alright? I love you._ They felt almost cruel to write, but Alex kept reminding himself this was 1995 Alex writing the letter and not 2020 Alex – back then he was a scared kid who missed his sister and wanted nothing more than to see her again, although he isn’t sure what has changed since then, honestly.

“Oh Alex,” Lydia breathes. She closes her eyes and holds the letter tighter in her hands. A tear slips down her cheek and falls onto the page.

Julie looks to the table beside her and grabs a tissue, promptly handing it out to Lydia.

Then, as if remembering Julie was in the room, Lydia takes it and wipes at her eyes, stifling a sob and letting out a quiet chuckle instead. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to be comforting me in my own home.”

“It’s alright to feel whatever you’re feeling, it’s what makes us human,” Julie smiles back at her. “That’s what my dad always used to say.”

Lydia lets out a laugh at that and Alex can felt he smile spreading across his own face. His sister’s shoulders shudder with laughter and she looks so carefree – leave it to Julie to somehow alleviate all the guilt and sadness his sister was carrying around with just one sentence, if even for just a moment. “Well then he is a very wise man.”

Lydia looks back down at the letter and carefully folds it up. She reaches out a hand to Julie and grasps her hand firmly, sandwiching it between her own. “Julie, I cannot tell you enough how much you bringing this over means to me,” she squeezes her hand gently, her eyes slowly getting red again. “Alex… is my brother, but he passed away twenty-five years ago, and this letter is one of the last pieces of him I have left,” she sniffles. “ _Thank you._ ”

“I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m sure Alex was a great guy, and I’m sure he’d be so happy with you trying to keep his memory alive.” Alex can’t tell if her words are for his or Lydia’s benefit but he appreciates them all the same.

“Mom, I’m home!” a new voice calls out. A strange feeling washes over Alex as Joanna comes barreling in, running right through him in in the process. He shivers at the strange yet familiar feeling and focuses on Joanna, who is shoving a piece of paper in his sister’s face. “Look, I got an A on my project! Dad said that means I get to pick dinner tonight!”

Alex’s confusion quickly turns to adoration as he watches his niece speak with so much enthusiasm and excitement about her success. It reminds so much of the times his sister would celebrate mastering a new dance or making a new friend or even when finishing her homework before Alex did.

He appreciates these moments because he may not have been able to watch his sister grow up, but at least in these moments he can almost pretend like this is her, fill in those long gaps in his memory, all the while having memories of his young niece as well. He hopes he’ll remember moments like these when they finally do cross over, to hold them next to his heart and never forget them.

Then, as quickly as she’d started, she stops her sentence midway and seems to take in her mother’s current expression. “You were crying.” There’s no question to it, just an observation.

“Yes I was, honey, but it’s alright because they were happy tears,” she motions for Joanna to sit down beside her. “I just read something your Uncle Alex wrote to me a long time ago,” she gestures towards the letter laying on the table, then over to Julie. “My friend Julie here found it and brought it to me so I could read it.”

At the mention of her name, Julie waves at Joanna with a bright smile. Joanna’s mouth promptly drops open when she catches sight of Julie.

“Are you Julie from Julie and the Phantoms?”

Alex and Julie are equally as surprised by her question, if their matching sets of raised eyebrows are any indication. Julie is able to shake off the momentary shock quicker than Alex is, and she goes right back to smiling. “That’s me!”

“A kid in class the other day was telling us about a video he saw with Julie’s band – they’re _holograms!_ ” Joanna tells Lydia, all but bouncing in her seat. “Dad found the video for me and it’s really cool!”

“What did I do now?” another voice joins in. Another person walks through Alex, but this time it’s a man that towers over him – Lydia’s husband, Jeremy, Alex remembers. He’s carrying a backpack in his hand, which he gently places on a hook near the door, and he walks over to Lydia and gives her a small kiss on the forehead.

“Dad look, it’s Julie from Julie and the Phantoms!” Joanna all but screams.

Jeremy turns and introduces himself to Julie, shaking her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Julie.”

“The pleasure’s all mine,” Julie replies, as polite as ever.

“I think Joanna must have replayed your performance about a hundred times – I think I have all the lyrics memorize just by being near her,” he laughs. “All joking aside though, you have an incredible voice.”

Despite his best efforts, a small chuckle escapes Alex at the light touch of blush that floods Julie’s cheeks and ears. She thanks Jeremy and then checks her phone, stating it’s time for her to get home to do some school work.

Back at the threshold of the door, Lydia gives Julie a light hug. “Thank you again for bringing a part of him back to me.”

As Lydia closes the door, Alex closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He takes a moment to collect his thoughts before following Julie down the driveway and back towards her house.

“Thank you again for doing this Julie – I like seeing her happy,” he admits, shoving his hands in his pockets when he remembers he can’t actually hug her.

“Alex, of course I was going to do this. Besides, it looks like it helped you as much as it helped her.” Alex starts to protest, but she lifts a finger, effectively stopping him. “Don’t think I didn’t see that goofy grin on your face the entire time she was laughing.”

Now it’s Alex’s turn to go beet red, but Julie doesn’t bother to contain her laughter as Alex did.

Willie is standing right in front of him, just a few steps away, and he’s talking to them, talking to _him_ , but he can’t hear past the buzzing in his ears.

Even after this long of being a ghost, Alex still isn’t sure if their hearts are technically beating, but his certainly feels like it – the blood pumping through his veins makes it almost impossible to focus on anything else.

Willie’s showing off his new jacket, further proof that he had gone above and beyond to help them despite the potential consequences for him.

Alex’s feet take him forward, closer to Willie, and he’s ever thankful Luke and Reggie know him well enough to take a step back, giving them a semblance of privacy.

He knows all of the things he wants to tell Willie. He wants to tell Willie about how he was the best thing to happen to him after he’d died, about how he’s glad he got run over that day because it led him to Willie, about how he wished they had more time. Most of all, he wants to tell Willie that he truly does not blame him for any of this, not for Caleb, not for the fading soulmarks, not _anything_.

There’s so much more he wants to tell him but he knows it isn’t the right time. This could very well be the last time he sees Willie and he wants to cherish it, but he also can’t ignore the hum in his chest telling him to spill his guts instead of hoping Willie will read the letter currently burning a hole in his back pocket.

“I know… how much you’re risking,” Alex tells him. Willie is stronger than Alex thinks he could ever be – they’d seen how powerful Caleb was, and Willie’s very soul was entangled in his giant web, and yet he was still willing to go behind Caleb’s back to help them.

As much as Alex wants to tell Willie, there’s one thing he _needs_ to tell him. _Thank you for running me over and teaching me ghost things, thank you for taking me to the museum and screaming our lungs out, thank you for listening to my ramblings, thank you for making me feel alive, thank you thankyou thankyouthankyou_ -

There’s so much he has to thank Willie for, but they don’t have the time for it all, so he takes a deep breath and tries to convey just how much it means to him with three words, “Thank you, Willie.”

A small smirk and a quick raise of the eyebrow, and suddenly that expression he’d missed so dearly was back on Willie’s face and Alex can feel himself falling head over heels all over again. “I told you,” he says and brushes his arm, the small point of contact seems to send shivers up Alex’s arm. “I’d do anything for you.”

There’s that look again – the one that makes Alex go weak in the knees – and he’s raking his eyes up and down Alex’s body. That feeling seeps away when Alex realizes Willie’s looking at him, memorizing every inch of Alex, like it’s the last time he’ll see him, which… is probably an accurate statement.

His brain tells him to walk away now, that it’ll hurt less for both of them if he ends it now, but his heart makes it clear there is no way they are leaving Willie like this, not after everything he’s done for them, for _him_.

He surges forward and hugs Willie. He pulls him in close, almost flush with his own body, and hold him there, like he wants to protect him from whatever punishment is coming his way. He knows Willie is worried about his soul, and if Alex could give him his, he would in a heartbeat – it would’ve been the least he could do after everything Willie’s done for them.

His fingers grip onto Willie’s new jacket hard enough for his knuckles to go white and he presses his face into the crook between his neck and his shoulder. He feels Willie’s arms come up to grab onto him just as tight. They pull each other closer and closer until there is not enough room for even a single hair between them.

A gentle breeze washes over them and Alex feels loose strands of hair tickle his nose. He reaches out to brush them away, petting them back into place.

That’s when he sees it.

It’s not the exact same as what he knows, distorted from the angle and the desaturation, but it’s still unmistakably _the same_.

Then, as quickly as the shock runs over him like a bucket of cold water, his breath catches in his throat. Does Willie _know_? Is it the right time to tell him if he doesn’t? What will he say if he does?

The letter in Alex’s pocket suddenly feels like it’s made of stone, threatening to drag him down with it. The words Alex had written on it would serve as nothing more than another reminder of what almost was.

Because that’s what he and Willie were, right? An almost. No amount of words could change that. Within a day, Alex was either going to be erased from existence or cross over to who knows what – there is no room for Willie in this or Alex hates it.

So, the letter stays where it is, and Alex tears himself away from Willie. He tells Willie he should get back to Caleb before he gets in even more trouble. The truth of the matter is, Alex is a coward and he isn’t sure how long he’ll be able to hold himself back from telling Willie what he saw, and this isn’t the right time, there’s never going to be a right time for it and _it’s not fair_.

Then there’s _that look_ again from Willie as he tells him, “I’ll see you around, Hotdog.”

He isn’t sure if that’s a promise or just Willie’s way comforting him – because that’s who Willie _is_ and he’s too kind even after all the things he’s gone through and he’s comforting Alex now, even in the wake of him being alone again and having to go back and deal with Caleb and-

Alex’s head nods once or twice. He doesn’t trust himself to say anything right now, afraid of the dam breaking and everything spilling out.

A moment that lasts between a second and an eternity passes and the next thing Alex knows, Willie is giving him one last smile before he turns around. Alex watches him as he goes, hoping that Willie will be alright after he’s gone. _He’s lost you once, he’ll lose you again_ , a voice in the back of his head tells him.

But it’s different now, because of course it is. Now, instead of watching Willie skate away into the crowd of lifers, Alex is watching his _soulmate_ figuratively and physically leave his life for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Re:Stacks by Bon Iver.
> 
> Well... the cat's FINALLY out of the bag (although most, if not all of you knew it from the start haha) BUt yes, Alex finally sees Willie's soulmark! This is one of the things that technically no longer meshes well with canon as Willie has apprently been a ghost since the 70s, but in this universe lets just pretend he died in 1995 like the boys... he just immediately became a ghost and didn't go to the dark room.
> 
> So I lied, there will be one extra chapter after all - this chapter ended up running away from me and I decided it was long enough on its own so TWO more chapters guys! 
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think :)


	13. we built this town on shaky ground

“Alex, you all right man?” Reggie asks as Luke brushes his hand against Alex’s.

Alex turns around and puts on the best smile he can, trying to mask whatever vortex of emotion was swirling inside him. He shoves his hands in his pockets so they can’t see him clenching his fists hard enough to dig his fingernails into his palm.

“I-uh…” He wants to tell them he’s alright, that he’s made peace with it, but the words get caught in his throat and suddenly his chest feels tight.

Luke reaches out and grabs his wrist, not hard enough to hurt but firm enough to know he’s there. “Alex, what is it?”

He swallows, trying to quell the nausea he feels creeping up on him. “I- uh, I know who my soulmate is.” He pushes the words out like they’re both poison and antidote, like it’s his last breath leaving his lungs.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell them – he wouldn’t be able to hide it from them too long anyway – but if Alex doesn’t say it out loud and lets them infer, maybe it will make it seem less real, less earth shatteringly real.

Reggie seems to be the first to connect the dots as he gasps softly and his eyes dart between Alex and the empty space Willie had been occupying moments before. When his gaze rests back on Alex, he can see the way Reggie’s expression changes: his eyebrows tilt upwards just a tiny bit more, his already downturned mouth deepens and his eyes meet his with steeled determination.

Luke was usually seen as the most protective out of the three of them, but that was only because he was the most outwardly protective one. He wore his heart on his sleeve and every word he said was emotionally charged, never pulling any punches when it came to his feelings.

Reggie was almost the opposite. If Luke’s brand of protectiveness was upfront and explosive, something akin to a mama bear, Reggie’s was like a lioness, biding its time. He expressed his concern for those he thought were family through small actions and choice words, and challenged those who’d wronged his family with the determination of a predator waiting to strike. 

There’s a million silent questions Reggie is asking him but Alex isn’t sure if he wants to answer any of them, even if deep down he knows he _should_.

The one he does answer is the same one he’d asked Reggie what seems like an eternity ago: _What does this change?_ Everything and Nothing, he wants to say.

Everything because Alex is selfish. A thought flickers in the far reaches of Alex’s mind, the impossible scenario they’d all agreed to never speak of: joining Caleb. He can tell them he’s going alone, he’s not dragging them down with him, but he knows they wouldn’t ever let him be alone. But he wouldn’t be alone, really, would he? One word to Caleb and suddenly Alex gets to spend as much time with Willie, with his _soulmate_ , as he wants and play music at the same time.

Nothing because Alex isn’t selfish enough. Luke and Reggie have been with him through it all, in life and in death, and now that they’re so close to completing their unfinished business, he can’t let it slip away because he wants to be selfish. No, Reggie and Luke deserve better than that, they deserve everything they’ve given Alex and more. So he doesn’t voice the thought, doesn’t let them even consider for a second, choosing instead to redirect the focus back to their goal: playing the Orpheum. Alex owes them that, at least.

They’d done it: they’d booked the Orpheum and they were going to cross over. The day’s earlier gloom dissipates for just a moment for them to celebrate.

As much as Alex tries to stave off the impending downturn of his thoughts, the moment the adrenaline high wears off they come tumbling back. The gravity of the situation seems to settle in, weighing him down and rooting him to this spot on the floor.

Julie smiles at them, her hand absentmindedly stroking along her arm. Her smile falters slightly when she looks at Luke, her hand suddenly squeezing her mark. “Luke, could I… talk to you over there for a second, please?” She says the words slowly, choosing each one carefully.

She motions with her head to a place closer to the door, so Alex and Reggie sink further back, eventually settling on the landing overlooking the space.

“So tonight’s the night,” Julie starts. “You guys are going to play the Orpheum.”

Alex doesn’t miss her choice of words, and neither does Luke apparently, because he responds with a “no, _we_ are going to play the Orpheum tonight,” his hand flails somewhat in Alex and Reggie’s direction, then pointing between her and himself. “It’s Julie and The Phantoms, not Sunset Curve playing…” he trails off, meeting her eyes directly as he speaks. “Don’t think we forgot just how much you’re doing for us, Julie.”

Alex has watched Julie and Luke interact many times, ranging from bickering like an old married couple to flirting like two teenagers in love. Now though, they look like two people afraid of what comes next, unsure if some things are better left unspoken.

“It’s almost funny, you know?” Alex is broken out of his trance by Reggie’s question. He turns to ask Reggie what he means, but he finds the other ghost’s eyes locked firmly on Luke and Julie. “This whole thing seems like a series of coincidences that _needed_ to happen for them to find each other.”

Alex hums his agreement. “You think this is all part of someone’s master plan to get them to find each other?”

“Think about it! Those two never would have met, never existed at the same time if we hadn’t eaten those hot dogs and died, woken up in a pitch black room and somehow spend twenty five years there, then re-appearing on earth when Julie just _happened_ to find our CD and play our songs,” he nudges Alex with his elbow. “That’s a lot of strings you have to pull to make sure all of that happens! It has to be destiny that brought them together, or at least something like that.”

“Something like that,” Alex repeats in agreement. He can’t deny he’s followed the same train of thought, examining everything that happened, the domino effect leading up to Julie and Luke discovering they were soulmates.

If they’d known back when they’d first met, would things have gone differently? Would they still have been pulled towards each other like magnets? Would they have danced around each other all this time or just run in headfirst and see where it took them?

He can imagine the thoughts running through their minds, they probably closely mirror his own, albeit less cluttered and frantic. Alex knows what he, Luke and Reggie are leaving behind, what they’re giving up, but he also knows what Julie is giving up by helping them. She’s known Luke as a ghost, a bandmate and as a friend. She’s giving up any chance she has at getting to know him as a soulmate.

Then his thoughts drift to Willie, because _of course_ , he curses his own brain.

Would he have done anything differently if he’d known Willie was his soulmate? He tells himself he would’ve most definitely; he’d grown up telling himself he didn’t need a mark, that he chose who he cared about, and then once he shared a mark with Luke and Reggie, he had everything he’d ever need.

Would he have tried to ignore the feelings stirring inside him whenever they hung out? Whenever Willie talked about something he was passionate about? Whenever he saw that damn smile on Willie’s face?

A million what-ifs cycle through his mind, but none of them bring him any clarity. The only thing they conger up in a quiet, simmering… sadness because Alex wants to live in any of those scenarios, where he doesn’t have to deal with all of this.

Alex can’t even trust his own feelings anymore, because if someone had pulled so many strings to make sure Luke and Julie ended up meeting, would the same thing be true for Willie and Alex? Was he actually the one who decided to fall for Willie, or was that a decision someone had made for him?

Then a chilling thought hits him like a slap to the face. “I…” he starts but trails off just as quickly. The words aren’t coming to him and he clenches his fists at his sides, like he’s trying to hold back from tearing the words from his own throat. “I… don’t know if Willie knows.”

“About Julie and Luke? I don’t see why he wou-” Reggie cuts himself off, probably cluing in to Alex’s thought process. “Alex, come here.” Reggie pokes him in the side to grab his attention, then nods his head further into the small coop area, away from Julie and Luke, who’d more than earned a moment to themselves, anyway.

They sit facing each other, Reggie circling his arms around his legs while Alex crossed his own. “Would it be better if he did?” It’s an innocent question, and a simple one, simply Reggie testing the waters to see where Alex’s thoughts are leading him.

“I don’t- I don’t know. I’m scared that he does, because then what if this whole thing happened just because Willie thought he had no choice?”

Reggie scoots closer. “Alex, I’ve seen the way Willie looks at you, and it looks very similar to how they,” he wiggles his finger in Julie and Luke’s general direction, “are looking at each other right now. Trust me when I say this: even if Willie has known this entire time that you guys were soulmates, he _really_ likes you, man. Besides, think about all he’s done to help us. Do you really think he would’ve gone through all of that just for someone he was _forcing_ himself to care about?”

Alex can’t help the blush at Reggie’s words, but he nods all the same. Alex appreciated Luke and Reggie’s efforts to help calm him down all these years, listening to him, helping him organize his thoughts and talk it out with him.

Still, a single thought gnawed at him, “What if he doesn’t know, Reg?”

“If he doesn’t know, then that’s how _you_ know that his feelings, and yours, are genuine and he’s been helping us out this much all because of you,” he jabs Alex playfully in the side. “And don’t you dare even try to deny it! I don’t think his eyes even glanced at Luke or me once if you were in the room,” he jokes, a quiet laugh escaping the both of them.

“Am I selfish if part of me doesn’t want him to know?” the questions comes out of nowhere, and Alex even surprises himself by asking it.

Reggie’s smile dampens a bit, tinged by sadness. “Alex, you don’t want him to know because you don’t want him to know he’s losing his soulmate, right?” Alex’s eyes go wide, now almost certain Reggie is a mind reader. “I’ve been having the same thought lately, thinking about what I would even say to Ray if I had a moment… but the more I think about it, the more I realize that Ray, Julie and Willie have all had faded marks long before they knew who we were. I don’t want Ray to know about the mark just for him to lose me all over again.”

Alex lets the words sink in for a moment, nodding along. “Thank you, Reggie, really.” He leans forward and pulls Reggie into a hug that is quickly reciprocated.

“Anytime, Alex,” he squeezes his shoulders as he says it, a silent confirmation. “Besides, it’s not often I get to share my genius with you guys.”

There’s the Reggie they know and love: trying to lighten the mood so his friend’s feel better, never leaving a conversation on a sour or sad note. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far…” Reggie gasps in mock offense, a hand grasping at his chest and Alex rolls his eyes playfully. “Reggie, you do remember the Water incident of ’93, right?” Reggie, the self-proclaimed genius, had somehow managed to set a pot of water on fire, much to the annoyance and enjoyment of Alex and Luke.

“You promised you’d never speak of that again!” he slaps Alex in the shoulder. He turns around, his hands scrambling to find something to throw. Alex manages to dodge the pillow, but in his laughter he somehow misses the balled-up shirt that hurtles towards him, colliding with his chest.

The two of them start flicking things at one another, the earlier contemplative conversation in the back of their minds, before Julie’s voice stops them dead in their tracks. “You two better not be breaking anything! Don’t make me come up there!”

Alex immediately drops the pillow from his hands. “Reggie started it!”

Alex’s breath catches in his throat when he hears the smooth-talking and familiar voice behind him.

Caleb sits on the piano, leaning back onto his hands without a care in the world. The more he talks, the more he seems like Alex’s father: all gentle and smooth-talking until things don’t go his way, and Alex doesn’t particularly want to be around when things start to turn.

“We know it’s your stamps hurting us!” Luke yells, tugging at his sleeve to reveal the pulsing, angry mark. Caleb just makes a non-committal noise, his mouth turning downward ever so slightly and his eyes trailing down to Luke’s _other_ wrist. His eyes don’t give anything away, but people like Caleb are always calculating, always planning their next move. Luke hurriedly pulls his sleeve down and throws his other arm behind him. “We already told you were not interested in joining your club!”

“You can’t make us either!” Alex interjects. His surge of confidence vanishes instantly when Caleb’s full attention falls on him and he takes a step back.

Caleb continues talking to them in a slightly condescending tone, thinking he’s already won no matter what they tell him. He kicks his legs like he’s talking about the weather and not manipulating his way to complete control, and he chuckles as he tells them no one has a clue what is waiting for them on the other side.

Then, before any of them can move, he holds his hand up to his face and blows a cloud of white dust towards them. Alex sees sparkles dancing in front of his eyes, and then total darkness for a split second before dropping into the Hollywood Ghost Club.

He isn’t sure what scares him more: the fact that Caleb apparently has the ability to teleport others around at will, or the fact that the three of them have been put into new... well _everything_.

If Alex was being honest, they did look nice. The suits were perfect, fitting them like a second skin, and all prim and proper. It was the nicest Alex had felt in a long, long time, but there was still something off about it. Like a child dressing very formally for pictures and nothing else, Alex felt out of place in the pink suit Caleb had put him in. Sparing a glance to Luke and Reggie, he could tell they felt he same way: these were the nicest clothes they’d had on since… ever, but it felt wrong.

“Don’t you fellas look nice!” Caleb grins as he walks up to them.

“What are we doing here? We already told you we aren’t joining your little house band!” Luke glares steadily at Caleb, trying to bore holes into the other ghost.

“Oh but why wouldn’t you want to? The way I see it, you all have everything you need right here. The three of you are all together” he points at each of them as he speaks, but his gaze stays firmly on Reggie before continuing, “you can constantly chase the high of hearing the roar of the crowd, the constant applause that lasts as long as you want it,” he looks to Luke, and then, “and you don’t have to worry about losing your soulmates ever again.” His gaze finally lands on Alex and it’s like the air is stolen from his lungs.

He tries his hardest not to let himself look hopeful, not to let Caleb know his words are having an effect on him. His words are like hooks, the further they sink in, the harder it is to rid yourself of them. Caleb chuckles and Alex knows he must not have done a very good job at hiding his excitement. “Safe to assume you’ve figure it out,” he motions to one of the ghosts, who promptly brings him a jacket and helps him slip it on. “Tell me, how did Willie react when you told him?”

Alex’s face falls the moment the words leave Caleb’s mouth. His heart feels like its being held in a vice grip and suddenly his throat feels as dry as the desert.

“Oh, does he not know?” he asks in a tone that toes the line between sincere and condescending. “I’m sorry to hear that, Alex, but don’t you worry,” he reaches out and lays a hand on Alex’s shoulder and it takes all of Alex’s willpower not to flinch at the touch. “You can have all the time you could ever want to spend with Willie.”

His words, no matter how sugar coated they may be, still make something flutter in Alex’s chest. His fingers flex around the drumsticks, curling around them like they’re the only thing tethering him to this moment.

“Can you hear that hustle and bustle out there? That’s the sound of the crowd getting ready for tonight’s act.” He gestures to the three of them, his mouth smiles but his eyes lock onto them like targets about to be captured. “After all the trouble I went through to get you here, the least you could do is do one last show with me, to make sure you don’t accidentally miss out on something wonderful.” He gives them a wink and a shark-toothed grin before disappearing and reappearing on stage.

The roar of the crowd as they finish their performance enters his blood stream, flowing through his body and making him feel like he’s floating. Even as they’re teleported off the stage and back into the wing, the chanting and the applause of the crowd drowns out everything, even their own thoughts.

Caleb appears behind them, circling his arms around their shoulders and bringing them in close. Their world suddenly shrinks, consisting of only them and Caleb, the crowd’s noises suddenly nothing more than a whisper in the back of their heads.

“Did you hear how much the crowd loves you boys? They can’t get enough of you!” Caleb laughs. Alex cranes his neck as best he can to get a glimpse beyond the curtain, seeing the crowd clapping excitedly and chanting their names. “Now imagine this, _every_ night! No more pretending to be holograms, no more credit gets stolen from you here. Here, you get to just _be_.”

He knows all the right things to say, every note to hit to draw them in further and further, until he’s a hair away from sinking his claws into them. Luke, Reggie and Alex look at each other, an entire conversation happening in a single glance.

“So, what do you say boys?” Caleb repeats, his eyes roaming between the three of them.

Luke takes a deep breath and takes a step forward, trying to take up as much of Caleb’s attention as possible. “We’ve said it once, and we’ll say it again: our answer is _no_.” A ghost of a snarl crosses over Caleb’s face, as if he bit back a retort. He’s a man who does not like to be told no, does not like to not be in control of all the pieces of the playing field. “No matter how great we fell with a rush like that, the music isn’t what’s important, it’s about who you’re making the music _with_.” He glares at Caleb as he utters the last few words.

“We made a promise, and we intend to keep it,” Reggie adds, not quite glaring as hard as Luke, but still watching Caleb, eyes trained on his every move.

With those final words, Reggie and Luke turn to him and nod. It’s time for them to get out of there and get to Julie. With their bridge to Caleb officially burned to ashes, there was only one way they were going to escape the jolts, and that was by performing with Julie. Luke and Reggie’s hands clutch their instruments and vanish in an instant. Alex pictures the Orpheum in his head and moves to follow them-

Caleb grabs his wrist, firmly anchoring him there. “Alex, you’re a smart boy, _think_ about this.” Alex tries wrenching his wrist from his grip, but Caleb just grasps him tighter. “Your mark is almost completely faded, I can bring it back, make it bright and colourful again.”

Alex wants to rebut, tell him his mark has never been bright, but the image of the drawing Julie had made for him, his mark drawn with vibrant colours, spring to the forefront of his thoughts and he has to admit it’s enticing. “B-But Luke and Reggie are-”

“I know, I know. Luke and Reggie just can’t see the vision you and I have! Once you join, they’ll see how fulfilling it is, see what they’re missing out on. Help me help them!” His words are calm and calculated, his voice almost soothing. “There’ll be no more jolts, no more pain. No more wondering about your soulmate.” His expression must perk up at the mention of the other ghost, because a small smile spreads on Caleb’s face. “He’s out there, waiting for you, you know. One word, that’s all it take to reunite with him.”

Alex racks his mind trying to remember if he’d seen Willie in the crowd – despite the haze they’d been in, Alex had still scanned the crowd for any sign of the familiar face and coming up dry – but he can’t place him there. Maybe he’d just missed him, or he was backstage somewhere, or-

“Imagine how happy Willie would be if you said yes. Imagine all of the things you two would be able to do with the rest of your afterlives.”

It’s a low blow, really, but Alex can’t help the images running through his head: of meeting Willie, laughing with Willie, being _happy_ with Willie. The peaceful memories of Willie quickly fade into ones Alex wishes he could forget: he sees Willie saying they never should’ve met, Willie constantly avoiding him, Willie on the verge of tears apologizing for his role in their pain.

It makes Alex realize that no matter how much he wants to take the offer because of Willie, he has to deny it for the very same reason. Willie had come to them, told them that he felt terrible for roping them into this and then all but offered himself up as a scapegoat for them to find and complete their unfinished business. Willie would rather Alex cross over than be stuck in Caleb’s clutches, and he doesn’t want Willie to resent him.

Alex can’t take the offer because it would mean asking his friends sacrifice their happiness for him, sacrifice their chance at crossing over and getting rid of the pain. He isn’t quite sure what would happen to them if he doesn’t show up to the Orpheum, but he can’t imagine it being anything but bright jolts of blinding pain, slowly encompassing their entire bodies until they died all over again.

He looks down at his wrist, the one not currently held in Caleb’s ever tightening grip, and traces the mark there with his eyes. His first true soulmark he’d gotten, the one he’d given himself. “I can’t, they need-”

Caleb interrupts him once again, his words slowly growing more erratic and desperate, “Alex, think about this _very carefully_. Are you really going to give up your one chance to be with Willie, your _soulmate_ , in favor of chasing a wild dream with your friends? You’re willing to give up your _real_ soulmark for them?”

For the first time, Alex’s eyes shoot up to meet Caleb’s and he feels an anger start to boil inside with no chance of it dying down. Alex wonders if Caleb is angrier about the fact that Alex was saying no, or that he couldn’t use Luke, Reggie and Alex’s mark against them instead. 

The mark the three of them share is worth more than any amount of ‘real’ soulmarks, because it was _theirs._ They’d made their own rules, decided for themselves that there was a mistake that needed fixing. He still remembers the rush of emotions that had swept him up the moment he’d seen the three matching marks on their wrists.

Alex isn’t sure if he believes himself when he says he’ll survive losing Willie, but Alex _knows_ it’s true when he tells himself he won’t survive losing Luke and Reggie.

“Like Luke already told you,” he takes a deep breath, trying his hardest not to shy away from the direct eye contact from Caleb’s icy glare. “We found something more important than the music.”

Caleb exhales sharply. “I see,” he says, his eyes narrowing at Alex. He grabs hold of his wrist firmly and pulls Alex towards him. Alex is taken by surprise and has no time to try and pull back so he finds himself almost face to face with Caleb Covington. “In that case, I don’t think you’ll be needing this anymore.” His other hand rises, settling on the back of his neck.

The rest happens quicker than Alex can process it. The hand on his neck tightens, there’s an intense burning sensation, like a jolt but ten times worse, the feeling of something peeling away and then… nothing. Alex stares at Caleb with wide eyes, glassy with unshed tears, as his mind catches up.

He wretches himself from Caleb’s grip, thankful when the other lets him go without a fight. A hand slowly reaches up to his neck, but he throws it back down, telling himself now is not the time. None of this would matter come time for their Orpheum performance, he would be alright - this was just another tactic to lead them right into Caleb’s hands.

Alex pictures the Orpheum once again in his mind and teleports himself away from the Hollywood Ghost Club, away from Caleb, away from Willie. When he arrives, Reggie and Luke are waiting for him, asking him if he’s alright, what took him so long.

He relays the conversation to them, ignoring the way Luke’s fists clench at his sides, or how Reggie curses under his breath. His voice is steady and calm as he tells it, trying to distract himself from the obvious. It isn’t until he gets to the end when his voice fails him, throat suddenly feeling too scratchy. He can’t bring himself to say the words out loud so he simply turns around and runs a hand over his neck.

They let out simultaneous gasps at the sight of his neck, as blank as it was the first seventeen years of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Atlantis by Seafret.  
> Welp, one step closer to the end, one more chapter! 
> 
> These last two scenes I have been waiting to write and put out since I started this fic. Caleb was really fun to write, his plans slowly starting to unravel while he tries to reroll them make for interesting scenes I think haha  
> Also, we've officially hit 45k words holy cow - would you guys believe me if I told you I originally thought this was going to be a oneshot? :P
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! :)


	14. this is a quiet death my dear

They’re asking him if he’s fine, if he still wants to go on with the show, so he tells them what he’s been telling himself for who knows how long now, “We have to do this. I’ll be okay.” Alex is happy he makes it through the short sentences without his voice wavering.

He’s survived basically his entire life without a soulmark, so what’s one more night?

Alex’s mind can’t ignore the sand slowly trickling down in the hourglass. From his raised position, he glances around the room for what could be the last time, as they near the end of their performance.

He sees Julie, singing her heart out and enjoying herself on stage like it’s where she’s always meant to be. This is the happiest he think he’s seen her in the days leading up to their performance – despite the saddening context, it was difficult to ignore the rush of adrenaline that came with performing.

He sees Luke and Reggie, each playing their instruments with ease, like they were extensions of their own bodies. They send each other sideways glances and smirks, and then Reggie moves towards Julie and plays back to back with her, while Luke turns around and smiles at Alex. Some might think Alex is jealous of the freedom they have to roam around the stage, but Alex is perfectly fine with sitting back and being able to see more of the venue.

He sees the crowd cheering them on, totally invested in their performance. Alex could never get tired of this rush, this feeling of being on top of the world – while you were on stage, the rest of the word faded away, leaving only you and the crowd. There are people closer to the front who are jumping up and down, others are clapping along to the beat, and there are even a few that are dancing like nobody’s watching.

Alex almost drops his drumsticks when his eyes focus on some all-too familiar figures. He’s almost certain, even in a crowd of a thousand people, he’d be able to pick them out in a second. There, in the close to the wall, stands his sister, her head bouncing along to the music, and Willie, a small smile on his lips as he gazes at Lydia.

Willie must feel Alex’s eyes on him, because he turns to meet his gaze and smiles, even if it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks between Lydia and Alex one more time, nodding to Alex.

Willie had brought Lydia here – there’s too much going on for Alex to focus on the _how_ , but he thinks he knows the _why_ and it makes him fall even harder for Willie. Whether it be for Alex’s benefit or Lydia’s, he can appreciate the gesture for what it is: a parting gift; a promise. One last chance to see each other, a chance for Lydia to see her brother is still around; a promise that Willie will watch over Lydia when Alex is gone.

He smiles bright and wide, and although the crowd would think he’s looking at them, the smile is just for Willie, hoping he can convey just how much this means to him without saying a word. Bar Reggie and Luke, they are the two most important people in Alex’s life, and seeing them standing side by side is almost surreal.

They inch forward in their performance, their finale within reach. Alex goes first, standing up from behind his drums to be in the spotlight, one of the few times he’s done so. His eyes stay focused on Willie and Lydia as he sings, and the moment his voice rings out into the crowd, he sees something on Lydia’s face change.

She stills and her face drops, like all the energy she had was zapped away in an instant. Her eyes grow wide and he sees her mouth move, but can’t quite read her lips to figure out what she’s saying. Her hand reaches up to her mouth, trembling as it moves, and Alex can’t help but think she looks like she’s seen a ghost, because she _is_. She’s seeing her older brother, who died twenty-five years ago, standing on the stage as if not a day has passed.

The reality of the moment bears down on Alex, and suddenly he feels guilty for having Lydia here. For him, it was almost cathartic, all the people he loves are in the same room, as he uses his last minutes of his afterlife to do what he’s always loved doing: making music with his friends. This is the closure they need to move on, to cross over into the unknown. Alex has had time to make peace with the life he’d lived and the one he’s living now, he’s been able to get closure with people he’d missed.

Lydia is seeing him for the first time in over twenty-five years, right before he and his bandmates cross over and cease to exist. This wouldn’t be closure for her at all, it would just raise so many more questions. She was going to see him for all of a few minutes and then he would vanish completely – how long would she wonder if it really was Alex standing on that stage or just some cruel trick of bad eyesight and wishful thinking? 

He doesn’t get much time to mull over those thoughts as their performance peaks and the final notes of the song are playing. Alex’s body is operating on autopilot as he plays harder and with more passion than he thinks he’s, or any of them really, ever played. If this really is their last performance, they have to give it their all.

Alex decides in that moment that he’s going to let himself be selfish, even if just for a few moments – he’s going to appreciate the fact that Willie went to all this trouble to reunite Alex and his sister, and Alex is happy to see her, so he’s taking it. His eyes don’t leave his sisters or Willie’s as he walks to center stage.

Out of reflex or out of a need for support, Alex latches onto Luke’s hand and doesn’t let go. He may not have time to explain to Luke exactly why he’s gripping his hand like his life depends on it, but he knows Luke won’t question it, will just squeeze his hand back just as hard.

Right before they take their bow, Alex lets himself have one last look at Lydia and Willie. Willie is clapping and whooping, ignored by the crowd of lifers, while Lydia claps almost mechanically, her face still contorted with confusion. He’s glad they’re both here, he gets to see them one last time. Alex takes them in, and closes his eyes before bowing – he wants them to be the last thing he sees before he crosses over.

Then, just as quickly as they’d appeared, they all but fizzle out of the Orpheum, leaving Julie standing alone on stage.

The first thing Alex feels is the wind gently blowing on his face. A few loose strands of hair tickle his forehead and he tucks them back. There’s the faint sound of paper and cans getting carried by the gentle breeze, and that’s when Alex convinces himself to open his eyes. He’s standing in an all-too-familiar alley, staring at the same walls from twenty five years ago. That’s the moment reality kicks in.

It didn’t work.

They aren’t sure exactly why but it doesn’t work, but it’s the second time they’d had their goals within reach, only to watch them slip between their fingers. The Orpheum was starting to seem more and more like the Hollywood Ghost Club, an almost too-good-to-be-true offer of fame and fortune that takes more than it gives.

Then, Alex’s heart sinks even deeper as voices sound off next to him.

“This can’t be happening,” he hears Reggie repeat over and over like a mantra, like if he says it enough times it’ll be true.

“Why? Just this once, I wanna know _why_!” he hears Luke yell, daring whoever kept dealing them terrible hands to explain themselves.

Alex can’t bring himself to say anything, he just looks up at the sky and takes a deep breath, holding it until he feels like his lungs will explode.

A jolt wracks their frames, but it’s a jolt amplified tenfold. It feels like every fibre of his being is being torn apart and put back together, like his insides are burning as slowly and as quickly as possible. The pain drowns out everything else, a further reminder of their failure and what they had to look forward to until they fade away completely. It lingers longer this time, their entire bodies aching.

They need to figure out their next step. The more Alex thinks about it, the more he resists the urge to laugh because the only option he can come up with is to find someplace quiet to stay while their bodies disintegrate gradually and they’re torn away from each other one last time. Alex feels like an old farm animal finding a spot to lay down and –

Another jolt follows quickly, just as intense as the first one – they barely had the chance to catch their breath after the last one, and now that they’re getting closer, it can only mean their time is running out.

“We can’t stay here,” Alex tells them through gritted teeth.

“Where can we go?” Reggie asks, his eyes squinted in pain.

“Anywhere but here. I can’t die here _again_ – I _won’t_.”

“What about we go back to the studio? For old time’s sake?” he suggests, looking up at Alex.

“Reggie, we can go basically anywhere right now and you want to go to the _one_ place that’s almost guaranteed to have Julie there?”

“She can’t know we didn’t cross over, Reg, it would break her heart,” Luke adds in a monotone voice that is almost unnerving.

Reggie takes a deep breath and rubs a hand over his eyes before continuing, “I don’t know about you, but if I’m gonna die for the second time, I’d rather it be somewhere familiar instead of… this.” He gestures to the alley in question.

“I know, Reg, I _know_ ,” he reassures him, and he _does._ He understands Reggie’s need to be back in the comfort of their home – if they were going to die anyway, it may as well be on their own terms – but he understands Luke’s reluctance, too – Julie has had enough loss in her life, there was no need to pour salt in the wound and remind her she couldn’t save them. He extends an arm and rests a hand on his shoulder. “We can find somewhere else, no one can see us.”

Reggie sniffles and looks back at Alex with red-rimmed eyes, “That’s the only home we’ve ever really had.”

There’s a heavy silence that falls over them, Reggie’s words sinking in. Alex and Luke hold a silent conversation in a look, with Luke now leaning towards Reggie’s idea. If Alex is being honest, he isn’t sure if he’s more worried about Julie walking in and seeing them, or Julie reading the letter he’d left on her dresser before finding them. He’d poured his heart into every word because he didn’t want to have any regrets with Julie. If she walked in and saw them, it would break both their hearts.

Knowing he’s outnumbered, Alex eventually yields and they teleport themselves for the last time to Julie’s studio, _their home_.

They stumble into the studio, almost falling on each other as they appear. This time was slower, like it took every single ounce of energy they had to get them here.

Reggie barely makes it to the couch before he starts coughing. He starts and doesn’t stop until it sounds like his throat is raw and his lungs are about to give out. He slowly slides down onto the ground, no energy left to haul himself up onto the furniture.

Alex doesn’t blame him, his body feels weak and his limbs move like they’re dipped in molasses. Neither he nor Luke fare much better at getting onto the couch, Luke sliding down to lean against the side of it, pushing the palms of his hands into his eyes with a grunt while Alex can’t help but scratching at his stomach, trying to alleviate the pain.

They’d been so close, they’d found a way to win the unwinnable scenario, and yet it still wasn’t enough. It didn’t matter how much they’d suffered up to now, how much Julie, Willie, or anyone else had to give up to get them to this point, it was all slipping away as quickly as it appeared.

It’s a lesson Alex thinks he should’ve learned by now, given his track record in life: sometimes you can give your all, and it still isn’t enough. He lets out a bitter laugh at the thought, his body immediately protesting the movement and forces him to clutch at his stomach with a groan.

“It’s not fair,” Alex says. There’s no question about it, there’s no room for optimism. “I thought that maybe, _just this once_ …” he trails off, running a shaking hand over his face.

“We would actually get what we wanted,” Luke supplies and Alex nods solemnly.

“I think the only time we’ve been lucky with that is when we found each other,” Reggie states. “and when we found Julie.”

“When _Julie_ found _us_ you mean. She stood there in her pajamas and her big, fuzzy slippers and started screaming the second she saw us.” Luke has a fond smile on his face – it’s the smile usually only reserved for when he’s talking about Alex or Reggie, but it’s slowly come to appear for Julie as well.

“I’m pretty sure we were screaming too.”

“We did not _scream_ , we were just… startled,” Luke tries to defend, but there are still remnants of _the_ smile on his face so it takes away any bite from his words.

“You basically jumped into my arms, dude,” Alex points out, rolling his head on the arm of the couch to watch his bandmates. “I think that’s a little past ‘startled’.”

Reggie laughs at the remark before another coughing fit takes him over. When it passes, he waves his hand in Luke’s general direction, “I’m with Alex on this one. I seem to remember you were the one that started jumping and stomping around like you’d seen a giant spider.”

Luke shoots him the finger, but he gives a small chuckle and a nudge with his foot. “Okay, okay, I’ll give you guys that one, you happy?”

“Over the moon,” Reggie grins.

Alex isn’t sure how they muster enough energy to do it, but they somehow end up in a pitiful excuse for a dogpile. Luke is laying on the cold floor with Alex’s head resting on his chest, and Reggie’s resting on Alex. It’s almost difficult to tell which arm belongs to who, if they weren’t color-coded, but they’re each touching the other two, whether it be Reggie’s hand on Luke’s elbow, or Alex’s arm resting across Reggie’s chest, or even Luke’s fingers slowly carding through Alex’s hair.

“Who do you think is gonna go first?” Alex isn’t sure where the question comes from, and he’s pretty sure he should be chiding himself for asking such a morbid question, but then again, it won’t really matter in a few minutes, so he gives himself a pass.

The other two don’t seem to find the question as disturbing as Alex thought, because they answer almost too quickly and calmly.

“My bet’s on you-” Alex swats at Reggie’s chest playfully, “hey, you asked a question and I’m answering! Don’t shoot the messenger! Anyway, it would probably be you for the same reason you’d get caught by the Ghostbusters first: you’d be a deer in headlights and worry yourself into the great beyond.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to not think about anything, and then maybe I’ll have a fighting chance,” he can barely keep a straight face as he finishes the sentence, a snort escaping Reggie and Luke as he does. “Yeah, yeah, I know – never gonna happen.”

“I think it’ll be you too, though, Alex,” Luke says after their small laughter has died down and the hand in Alex’s hair stops but doesn’t leave. “I think… I think we’ll probably go out the same way we did the first time.” Alex turns his head to look at him the best he can, no anger in his eyes, just innocent questioning.

Luke looks down at him, then at Reggie, before explaining. “I don’t remember much from that night, but I remember being in the ambulance. All I could hear was beeping from every direction, and then…” he trails off, but the implication is clear.

“Then you heard the flat line.” Luke makes eye contact with Alex again and nods.

“You went first, Alex, I remember seeing the paramedic leaning over you, begging you to fight, but I think you were… already gone.” Alex reaches up with his free hand and grabs blindly for Luke’s hand, grasping it tightly. “Reg, you went shortly after he did. I remember reaching out to both of you, or at least I tried to, before I faded off too.”

They shift slightly, their arms moving so that they are each holding each other’s hands. It’s slightly uncomfortable, an additional strain on already exhausted muscles, but it’s what they need so none of them object to it.

“Hopefully we’ll all go together this time,” Reggie says, squeezing their hands – although Alex can’t tell if it’s Reggie comforting them or merely a reflex to the pain slowly overwhelming them.

“We’re together, that’s all that matters now,” Alex adds, trying to give his own small squeeze but his hands feel like they’ve fallen asleep. He barely manages to turn his wrist to stare at the tattoo resting there. “Thank you guys, for-for this.” He doesn’t have to tell them what he’s looking at, he’d bet anything he had that they’re doing the exact same thing he is.

“It’s what family does for each other,” Reggie tells him, voice still scratchy from his coughing fits.

“We’ll find each other again,” Luke says, whether to them or to the universe itself Alex isn’t sure, but Luke is anything if not determined, so Alex believes every word. “Even if there’s nothing after this, we’ll find each other someday, somehow.”

They don’t have time to appreciate the sentiment before another jolt pumps fire into their veins and threatens to destroy their bodies even more than they already had. The pain takes longer to fade, settling into a dull ache slowly.

Reggie and Luke have his hands in almost punishing grips, both their knuckles going white with exertion. Alex briefly wonders why their pain seems to take longer to subside when reality catches up with him.

Luke and Reggie still had their soulmarks. Their soulmarks that were faded thanks to Caleb’s tricks were now going to start disappearing. Alex hates that he can’t help them bear _this_ pain, the same way they couldn’t help him bear his, but he offers what he can in the form of a steady hand to hold and quiet words. He refuses to see his own soulmark disappearing before the others as a silver lining, but at the moment he’s glad at least one of them is coherent enough to comfort the others.

Alex doesn’t look at either of their marks, he owes them that privacy at least. Their grips loosen and he can tell their eyes are already moving to their arms.

“Well, look on the bright side guys,” Alex tries to chuckle, “at least our day can’t get any worse.”

Luke snorts in response while Reggie exhales sharply through his nose. “We’re in real trouble if Alex is the optimist of the group now.”

Alex regrets his words and wants nothing more than to eat them back up when they hear the doors opening and Julie’s voice ringing through the studio.

Alex can’t follow what’s happening, too wrapped up in the constant thought cycle of _Oh no what do we do now, I told them she would come back here,_ and _this is not how this was supposed to go, we can’t make this worse for her_.

Luke’s body jostles Alex’s head, and he finally tunes into the conversation, thoroughly pulled out of his mind.

“You can still save yourselves!” Julie pleads as she kneels down to them, hands outstretched like she’s comforting a wild animal. “If not for you, then do it for your-”

“Julie… don’t, please,” Reggie interrupts her before she can finish voicing that thought. “It’s alright, really.” He doesn’t seem convinced by his own words, but then again, who would be in a situation like this?

“This isn’t fair, you guys deserve to be out there, making music, not… this,” she gestures frantically to the pile of bodies in front of her.

They slowly untangle themselves and Luke stands up, walks closer to Julie. “Julie, it may have started out about the music, but now, it’s so much more than that.” He takes another step closer. “Music isn’t worth making if it’s not with you.” It’s true – Alex can barely think back to a time when Julie wasn’t on stage with them, it was to the point that just the thought of that scenario felt weird and brought chills down Alex’s spine.

Luke closes the distance between him and Julie, trying to soothe the tears starting to leak from her eyes. Alex doesn’t have a great angle from where he is, but he sees Luke quickly wrap his arms around Julie and hold her close, comforting her in the way he always used to comfort him and Reggie –

Wait.

Luke has his arms wrapped around Julie and he’s holding onto her tightly. That should be the weirdest part, but then Alex realizes Luke is _glowing_. Neither he nor Julie seem to notice the drastic changes yet, too wrapped up in the moment to take in anything else. They separate slowly, and Alex can see a bright smile wash over Julie’s face as Luke reaches a hand out to brush her tears away.

Alex can tell the exact moment they both realize what’s happening because they instantly still, Luke’s hand in midair and Julie hand on his arm. She grips his arm tight and lets go, repeats that a few times.

“I can- I can feel you,” she says, to herself or to them Alex isn’t sure, “why can I feel you?”

Luke stumbles over his words, eventually settling on, “I-I don’t know.” He looks back to Reggie and Alex, but they’re both caught up in the fact that Luke is still _glowing_. “But I feel… stronger. The pain’s… gone.” His hand hasn’t left Julie’s arm, still holding on for dear life, like the second he lets go she’ll slip away.

Julie’s eyes rake over Luke multiple times, only stopping when her eyes spot a glowing patch on his arm. She gasps, and Alex and Reggie stand up as easily as they can and stumble over to them, pain making them more lethargic by the second. “Luke, your mark, it’s…” she trails off, unsure of her next words, deciding instead to gesture to the skin on his arm.

It was something they’d never seen before. The mark wasn’t faded anymore, still not as vibrant as it once was but still colourful. If Alex could compare it, before it had been neon colours but now was a display of pastels. Julie hurriedly rolled up her own sleeve to reveal the same thing on her own arm, the mark that had been faded for as long as she can remember is now mirroring Luke’s own.

She reaches out to trace it. “What- what does this mean?”

Luke just shakes his head, following her finger with his eyes. “I-I don’t know. But _something_ happened, I don’t feel the pain anymore.”

As if taunting them, another jolt hits Alex and Reggie, utterly torn out of the tender moment unfolding in front of them. Out of the corner of his eye, Alex sees Luke standing upright, not a single sign he’d been affected by the jolt. He hears Julie and Luke say something, but he can’t focus on what it is, the pain overwhelming everything else.

Just as the jolt crescendos, Alex feels his body pushed towards Reggie’s and promptly engulfed in two pairs of arms. The effects are instantaneous: the pain bleeds away until it’s nothing more than a dull ache in the back of their mind, and soon after it’s like there was never any pain at all.

As soon as the pain is bearable, he and Reggie both reach out with their arms, holding onto Julie and Luke like a lifeline. Something’s changed, it’s difficult to say what exactly, but Alex knows it’s for the better. There’s a feeling of something missing, though.

The four of them break apart but there’s a slight tingling sensation at their wrists. Luke, Reggie and Alex all look at each other in a quick panic before realizing it’s the wrong wrist for their worst fears to be true. Their marked wrists still in pristine condition while their stamped wrists tingle like a limb that’s fallen asleep. They watch as a flash of bright purple strips itself from the skin of their wrists and floats into the air before disintegrating. The last trace of their connection to Caleb dissolving in front of their eyes.

Reggie lets out a laugh as looks down at his arm, his jacket gone and his sleeve rolled up, to find it similar to Luke’s, its colours muted but not completely faded. He looks as happy as a kid on Christmas morning and it tugs at Alex’s heartstrings to see one of his best friends, who not even five minutes ago was close to bawling his eyes out, light up the room with his wide toothed smile.

Alex is too wrapped up looking at Reggie’s mark to realize that everyone else’s attention has now turned to him. It takes Luke calling his name and a gentle hand on his arm to pull him out of whatever moment he’d been having.

“Sorry, what did you say?” he asks while his mind starts running a mile a minute, already trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

“Alex, what about-” Luke pauses, looking to Julie as if for help to choose the right words. He sighs and starts over, “Did you want us to check on your mark for you?”

Alex feels like his brain short circuited, any thoughts in his head flying right out the window at Luke’s words. His hand flies up to his neck, feeling the skin there. It doesn’t feel any different, but then again he’d never been able to tell with his soulmark – out of everyone, his was the only one you couldn’t see from the front.

In the back of his mind, he wants to know, but there’s always that voice telling him it might be better if he doesn’t find out. If it was there again, it’d be cause for celebration, but Alex would feel terrible for ruining everyone’s mood if he turned around to show off his bare neck.

He doesn’t voice these concerns to Luke, deciding on giving a simple, “Thank you, but I’m okay,” instead. They’ll steal glances later on, he doesn’t mind, let them look, but that will at least be later and not now when they are still riding the high of avoiding a second death. They were all together, for real this time, and they couldn’t be happier.

“Come here, you guys,” he calls to them, opening his arms as wide as they’ll go. They embrace each other once more, feeling like all their previous worries are lifted off their shoulders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from In Flames by Samuel Proffitt.
> 
> I apologize for the delay in these chapters - work stuff and school stuff, so the usual...
> 
> I was going to post this as part of the final chapter, but it's already getting to be long (like it was at 9k words and I wasn't done yet) so I decided to split it into two chapters, upping the count once again. Hope you guys don't mind ;) The last chapter is nearly done, I have one or two more scenes to finish writing/polish up, but it should be coming very soon! 
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think :) We're almost there guys!


	15. have I been holding my breath all my life?

It’s the second, or maybe third at this point, first day of the rest of their lives, and there are people Alex needs to see. He’d told himself he’d made peace with never seeing them again, but deep down he’s overjoyed that he’s still around to spend even just a little more time with them.

That’s how he finds himself back in a cemetery, hiding behind a tree as he waits for his sister to settle in. He’d gone to her home first, only to see her getting into her car, calling out to her husband that she’d be back from the flower shop soon – it hadn’t taken long to connect the rest of the dots, so Alex decided to wait at the cemetery for her to arrive. 

He’s sitting underneath the tree, watching the way the branches sway in the wind. It’s not a particular sunny day today, but there’s glimpses of sunlight in between the clouds, little pockets of warmth that shine through.

He hears leaves rustling from the other side of the tree, calling his attention to the familiar figure walking towards his grave. Lydia stops in front of the stone and twirls the flowers in her hand.

“Hey, Alex,” she says it so softly, Alex almost doesn’t hear her. “I brought you some flowers again - I picked a kind of flower I could actually pronounce this time, don’t worry,” she chuckles and it warms Alex’s heart beyond belief.

There’s something different about Lydia, she seems more open and more carefree. Alex can only hope that he’d had at least a small part to play in this change as he watches his sister laugh louder and smile wider than she had last time he saw her.

“My incredible intellect aside, there’s something else I wanted to… talk with you about, Alex.” Lydia kneels in front of the grave, one hand on her knee and the other carefully dusting off the dirt that had accumulated in the engraving. “I just- I saw… well, I’m not sure what I saw. All I know is that the other night I saw _something_ , something I can’t explain.”

Alex’s hands clench, already knowing full well where she’s going with this train of thought. He wants nothing more than to sit down and write everything down in another letter, explaining everything she’d seen, but then how would Julie explain the contents of the letter? This is something he won’t be able to help Lydia with, and his heart pangs in his chest at the thought. Alex wonders how Reggie deals with all of his conversations with Ray like this, having to act like a bystander in your own conver-

“Who’s there?” Lydia calls out suddenly.

Alex nearly has a heart attack but he recovers quickly enough to scan the cemetery, confused when he sees no one else there with them. He turns back, only to find the place his sister had been empty so he peers over the branches, craning his head to try and see where she’s gone to. He sidesteps the tree, taking a cautious step towards his grave.

“Sir, if you aren’t gonna do anything but stare, I’m going to please ask you to leave,” Lydia calls out. Alex lets out a sigh of relief – it’s not that he doesn’t think Lydia can handle herself, but he isn’t sure if he would be able to stand there and watch and not help her if something did happen. He lets his shoulders fall, giving a small chuckle as he rests his hands against the back of his neck. “What’s so funny?”

It’s just a few words but they chill Alex to his core. It must be a coincidence, it _has_ to be. Whoever she’s talking to probably smirked at her or had a weird look on their face…

“If you’re going to stand there and stare at me you should at least have the decency to face me when I’m talking to you!” she says, her voice seemingly growing louder as she gets closer. Any relief Alex had burns away the moment he feels a hand push against his shoulder. “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

His eyes widen so much he thinks they might pop out of his head, he feels like a deer in headlights, waiting for imminent danger. His heart is beating a mile a minute, but he manages to whisper, “Y-you can see me?”

“Of course I can see you, what are you- Hey, are you alright, man?” her tone gets more concerned when she notices the shudder of Alex’s shoulders. It takes him longer than he’d like, but he manages to quell his panic, stopping it before it has a chance to settle in.

He takes one last deep breath, fixing his posture to pretend like he wasn’t just on the verge of a breakdown, and he slowly turns around to face Lydia. He doesn’t even fully turn around before her eyes widen, mirroring his own expression from moments ago.

The shock doesn’t last as long for her, though, as her shock twists into a questioning glare. “What the- Who are you?” Alex tries to answer, but every word he thinks of gets caught in his throat. She turns her head slightly, as if examining him further, and he can practically hear the thoughts racing through her head.

Alex thinks back to Julie suggesting the boys lay low for a day or two, to figure out what had changed since their hug – if Julie could physically touch them now, who knows what else could’ve changed – but Alex had felt like a flood of nervous energy had settled under his skin, thrumming at all times, no matter how much he tried to drum it out. He’d wanted to visit his sister and Willie, he’d _insisted_ it would be a quick visit, and yet, here he was.

“Hello? Earth to weird dude!” He comes back to himself to fin Lydia waving a hand in front of his face, snapping her fingers to pull him out of whatever daze he was in. “I asked what your name was.”

That’s simple, that’s something he can answer. “A-Alex?” Maybe not. Alex curses for how unsure and scared he’d sounded.

Her glare intensifies and she pulls back for a moment. “Is this some kind of joke?” She spares a quick glance on either side of Alex’s head, then a quick scan of the surrounding area. There’s nothing to see here other than trees and gravestones, so Alex isn’t quite sure what she’s looking for, but she doesn’t seem to find it, based on the way she takes a step, eliminating any distance between them. “I swear, if this is some kind of sick and twisted game…” The threat is evident, her glare more than enough to dissuade Alex from even thinking of doing anything to go against her.

Alex decides in that moment to be more like Willie and throw all caution to the wind. “Lydia, it’s me – it’s Alex,” at the mention of her name, she quickly takes a step back and her hand reaches down towards her pocket. Her glare turns icy once more when he tells her his name. “I know it seems impossible, but I can explain everything, please.”

“You make me sick,” she spits the words out like they’re poison, like Alex is the worst kind of scum she’s ever had the displeasure of knowing. He feels incredibly hurt at her words, but quickly realizes that, from her perspective, he’s just some guy that looks _a lot_ like her dead brother that died twenty-five years ago – if their roles were switched, he’d probably be on edge and angry at this, too.

She turns and makes to leave, but Alex can’t let her go when he’s finally one step closer to actually being able to see and talk to his sister for the first time in almost thirty years and – “There’s a family photo on the mantle at home, of you and your Mom and Dad,” the words spill out of him and he doesn’t try to stop them, not when this could be the deciding factor in having her believe him, “but that wasn’t always the photo that was there.”

Lydia stops dead in her tracks, her head tilting ever so slightly, an indication that she’s listening to what he has to say. “There used to be another photo, one with your brother in it. You were crying, so your brother made a ridiculous face to make you laugh, which succeeded because you couldn’t stop giggling after that. The photo was of that moment, with Dad’s face in his hands and Mom trying to hide her laughter.”

Alex holds a hand out, testing the waters. When Lydia doesn’t make a move, only turning her head more towards him, he takes a small, cautious step forward. “You left to go to camp, and then suddenly you come back and your brother is gone, and your parents are telling you he ran away and acting like he never existed. Then, in 1995, you saw a news article about three kids that died, and you saw your brothers face for the first time in years.”

It’s a lot of information, Alex gets it, but the more he tells her, hopefully the more she’s somehow convinced it’s really him and not some hallucination or sick joke. “Lydia, I know this all seems ridiculous, but I promise I’ll try my best to explain everything,” he says it as gently as he can, despite the urgency he can feel in his words. He takes another step forward, all but closing the distance between them once again. “Lydia, please, _it’s me_.”

After what feels like an eternity, Lydia fully turns to face him now, her eyes wide and glassy. Her hands tremble slightly at her sides, balling them into fists in an obvious attempt to resist reaching out. Alex gently takes her hand and guides it to his chest, right over where his heart would be. Her wide, questioning eyes look at her hand lying flat against his chest.

“There-There’s no heartbeat,” she says before closing her eyes, concentrating on the feeling in her hand. She opens her eyes a moment later, then looks up at him, wide eyes now filled with urgency. “Why don’t you have a heartbeat?”

“I _died_ , Lydia,” he tells her, and he doesn’t miss the way she flinches at the words, no matter how much she tries to hide it. “I was sitting in a dark room for twenty-five years, and then all of a sudden, I’m back as a ghost. I don’t know who brought me back, or why, but-” All the air feels like it’s pushed out of his lungs as Lydia surges forward, wrapping her arms around him tighter than he thinks anyone’s ever hugged him before.

He recovers quickly enough to wrap his arms around her just as tightly, relishing in the feeling of being able to actually hold her after all these years. “I don’t care who brought you back, but whoever they are, they’re my new favorite.” Alex can _hear_ the smile in her voice as she tucks herself as close to him as she can. He chuckles at that, burying is face into her neck.

They break apart just enough to look each other in the eye. She brings her hands up to his cheeks and squeezes them, “You’ve still got that baby face!” There are still a few tears in her eyes as she says it, and Alex can feel his eyes start to redden – it feels like so much time has passed and yet it’s like he never left.

He smiles at her sadly, taking her hands off of his face and gesturing for her to sit against the tree with him. “I’m sorry, Lydia, for never trying to talk to you after I… after I left,” she opens her mouth to protest, but he squeezes her hand, “You were gone when I got kicked out and I never saw you after that to explain, that’s on me. Truth is, I wasn’t sure what to say to you.”

“Alex, no matter what you tell me, you’re always going to be my brother and I’ll always love you. You can’t get rid of me that easily,” she playfully nudges him with her elbow.

Alex nods along with a smile on his face. “I wanted to thank you for… well for a lot of things, but mainly for, uh, standing up for me to… Mom and Dad when I couldn’t do it myself.” Alex has to restrain himself form calling them ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ - Lydia still has somewhat of a relationship with them and he doesn’t want his bitterness to affect her in any way.

She looks surprised for a moment at his words, but she quickly puts the pieces together and looks down at her feet. “You were there that day at the house?” He nods even if she doesn’t turn her head to check.

“That’s how I know about the photo on the mantle.” It’s an explanation of everything and nothing at the same time. He works quickly to change the subject. “And I also saw the photos of you and your – wow it feels weird to think that my little sister has a husband! And _two_ kids!” He can’t help but feel giddy thinking about the life his sister had made for herself.

She chuckles at his excitement, watching as he gestures with his hands. Suddenly, her eyes pick up on something and Alex follows her eyes to find his soulmark on his wrist on display, the sleeve of his pink hoodie rolled up during the conversation. “I-is that-” She doesn’t finish the question, but she doesn’t have to.

“Yes, yes it is,” he tells her. He could’ve said no, could’ve tried explaining the situation to her, but he doesn’t want to bring down the mood. There would be time to explain Willie later. “Reggie, Luke and I all have matching ones. We got them done when we all started living together. We figured someone must’ve made a mistake along the way, not making us soulmates, so we fixed that problem.” He looks down at the mark again, studying it as if he’s seeing it for the first time. “You know, the first thing we all did when we came back was check to make sure it was still there.”

“I don’t think whoever brought you back would be stupid enough to try and take that from you guys,” she tells him, as if it’s the most obvious thig in the world. Her face gets serious for a moment as she brings a hand to his shoulder, calling his attention back to her. “I know you all… died together, but were you together when you were, you know,” she gestures upwards to the sky and he nods almost immediately, which brings a smile to her face. “Okay, that’s good. I’m glad you weren’t alone, Alex.”

Those are the same words she’d told him last time he’d been here with her and he cherishes them even more now. “I’m glad you aren’t alone, either.”

She hums at that and stares up at the branches they’re sitting under. From this angle, with the sun peeking through, casting small slivers of light on her face, she looks just as he remembers her, happy and free, like the past thirty years never happened and he’s looking at his kid sister again.

“I’m glad you can finally see me, it was getting kind of boring having one sided conversations,” he jokes, nudging her gently. “The only thing we really know is that it has something to do with Julie, the one who brought you that letter the other day.” Alex knows he’s over explaining, but he hasn’t _really_ talked to Lydia in almost thirty years, so he gives himself a pass.

“Oh, how could I forget? She’s the one that gave me my brother back, literally and figuratively.”

“I thought about trying to communicate with you since we got back, it’s important to me that you know that. I just couldn’t… figure out how to get it to you, to get you to open it. That’s why I had Julie deliver that note.”

“It did seem like weird timing, but honestly, once I knew it was from you, I didn’t even care. I would’ve taken a single sentence if it was from you, Alex.” She looks over at him with red-rimmed eyes, tears once again threatening to fall.

He can’t help the smile from spreading across his face. “Oh, don’t go and get all mushy on my now.”

“I think we’re a little ways past mushy,” she laughs, swatting him in the shoulder.

“Well, in that case, I feel like I should tell you that I saw you at the Orpheum. I won’t get into it now, but we thought it was going to be our last performance… ever, and then I saw you and a part of me was happy that I would finally get to see you one last time,” he takes a deep breath as he chooses his next words carefully, “and when I did, I made sure to close my eyes right before we disappeared so you would be the last thing I saw.”

“Oh, Alex.” She pats his shoulder then pulls him into a hug, squeezing him almost as tightly as she had the first time. His hands wrap her around her like second nature, holding her close, as if making up for the missed hugs over the years.

There was still one question on his mind, though, “How did you end up at the Orpheum anyway?”

Lydia stills for a second but laughs shortly after and the sound vibrates through Alex’s body. They pull apart and she cranes her head around the tree, barely able to see the gravestone on the other side. When she turns back to look at him, there’s a fondness in her eyes that makes him blush.

“Well, after Julie left, Joanna went on and on about Julie and the Phantoms – she insisted we watch one of your performances. I thought the music sounded great, but then I noticed something… something I couldn’t explain, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it until I figured out what it was,” she explains calmly, her words calculated, as if she’s rehearsed this. “So I took a trip down to Hollywood Boulevard and see Julie and The Phantoms playing the Orpheum, but it was sold out and I figured maybe it would just be one unresolved question. To my surprise, I came home to find an envelope with a ticket inside and my name written on it.”

It all makes sense now, all the pieces have fallen into place. Alex had suspected Willie had something to do with Lydia’s appearance at the Orpheum, and her story confirms it – Alex hadn’t been the one to give her the ticket, so that only left a certain ghost who felt he still needed to be forgiven for things he’d been absolved of a long time ago.

“Who’s Willie?” it’s an innocent question, really, but when Alex realizes he must have said the name out loud, his eyes grow wide and he can feel his cheeks heating up. He turns to look at Lydia, only to find her wiggling her eyebrows at him, clearly interested in teasing him for all it was worth. “Is he your _boyfriend_?” she sing-songs.

Alex sputters at that, tripping over his words and he can feel his cheeks getting even hotter, the blush no doubt creeping across most of his face by now. How can he respond to that? ‘Sort-of-maybe-I don’t really know-I wish’ isn’t an answer he’s willing to give, he doesn’t want to give her more fuel.

He can’t think of a single rebuttal to her question, and after another second of his mind blanking, the best he can come up with is, “He’s-he’s someone special.”

Her teasing tone and expression lighten slightly, “Then you’ll have to thank him for me, next time you see him.” She glares at him playfully before adding, “and make sure you tell him that I’ve got a shovel talk ready and waiting.”

“Funnily enough, you’re the second person to say that – Reggie and Luke are waiting for their turn to give him the shovel talk, except from beyond the grave.”

She laughs at that, “Well then I guess that means you’re in good company – they’re taking really good care of you, so I’m happy with giving them first jab at it. Willie won’t know what hit him.”

That’s when her words finally sink in. ‘ _Next time you see him_ ’, Alex hadn’t even thought about what he was going to say when he saw Willie again. How does he explain the _soulmark_? How does he explain to Willie that he found out they were soulmates minutes before his mark got taken away for good? When would even be a good time to go and find Willie – should he wait and give him time to breathe or is it better to rip the bandaid off completely?

A shrill ringing sound startles both Alex and Lydia, with Lydia recovering quickly enough to rummage in her bag to silence her cell phone. Alex still wasn’t used to modern technology, and it felt especially weird seeing his kid sister use a _cell phone_. She answers it, exchanging a few words before ending the call and putting the phone away.

“That was Jeremy. I’ve got to go pick up Joanna from a friend’s house,” she gets up and smooths out her clothes, stopping when she sees Alex getting up as well. “Alex, I still don’t fully understand what’s going on with this,” she gestures to him, then to the graveyard they’re in “but I do know that I don’t want to let you go again. Promise me we’ll still be able to talk soon?”

“We can meet up here once a week if you want, or more than that – preferably more than that, actually. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

She chuckles at that. “That we do. Goodb- See you later, Alex,” she smiles at him and starts walking back to her car, sneaking a glance back every few steps, like she’s scared he’ll disappear if she takes her eyes off of him for too long.

He waits until she drives away to take a deep breath and wring the anxiety out of his hands. That settles that, then. Alex tries to think of the most likely places to find Willie and disappears without a sound.

There was only one place he could of to look for Willie. Well, there were _two_ places, but Willie hadn’t been on Hollywood Boulevard, so _now_ there was only one other place he could be.

Alex stands in front of the doors of the museum and runs over what he’s going to say for the umpteenth time. As he looks in, he’s greeted by a familiar scene: Willie skating around the museum like it’s a playground. He’s skating back and forth along a small space, gaining momentum before skating full steam ahead towards a ramp.

Alex takes a step forward, his foot halfway through the threshold when he hears Willie give a whooping yell. He watches as Willie grabs onto his board in mid-air and spins all the way around before landing just as gracefully on the ramp, sliding back down.

A smile blooms on Alex’s face at the joy Willie’s radiating. “Willie,” he calls out, his voice almost too quiet to hear, barely carried by the echoes in the museum.

It manages to grab Willie’s attention regardless, as the other ghost turns his head quick enough to give Alex whiplash, and suddenly his feet are moving and his board slips out from under him, sending him crashing to the ground. Alex runs over the moment Willie’s feet left the board and knees down next to him when he lands, Willie groaning beneath him.

Alex reaches out, putting a steadying hand on the small of Willie’s back and the other around his elbow, guiding him up. “Willie, are you alright?” Willie’s eyes stare at him, his eyebrows furrowed as he takes in every detail of Alex’s face. “Willie, come on, I know I’m not _that_ bad to look at,” he’s barely able to put any humor into it, nothing more than a breathless chuckle. His worry for Willie seems to override everything else.

“You shouldn’t be here,” is all that Willie says, his words hanging in the air as Alex processes them.

Somehow, his worry for Willie increases tenfold. Alex isn’t sure what kind of reaction he was expecting, but it was somewhere along the lines of excitement, not… not Willie looking ready to break down at any second. “I didn’t mean to do that, I was just excited to see you again and I swear that wasn’t my trying to get back at you for running me over when we first met and-”

“Alex,” there’s something oddly soothing about the way Willie says his name that Alex stops his rambling immediately and can only focus on Willie. He tries to wrap his arms around Willie further but the other ghost holds out a hand, effectively keeping them at arm’s length. “You can’t be here. I watched you cross over.”

“We didn’t, I guess the Orpheum wasn’t our unfinished business after all,” he sighs. “It’s okay though, we figured it out.” He feels more than sees the way Willie’s hands clench.

“Alex, please tell me you didn’t-“

Alex looks at him, his face contorted in worry. Why was Willie so worried at Alex not crossing- He isn’t sure how it’s slipped his mind this long, but Alex could kick himself right now. To Willie’s knowledge, there were only two ways to get rid of Caleb’s stamps: crossing over or joining the club, and Alex definitely hadn’t crossed over.

“No, no, no, we would never,” he rushes to reassure Willie, his own hands clenching. He takes a step closer, and internally lets out a sigh of relief when Willie doesn’t protest. “We wouldn’t do that – not after everything you’ve done for… us.”

He lifts his arm and shows Willie his bare wrist. Willie hesitates, looking back to Alex before reaching out and running a finger along the bare wrist. “There’s no stamp.” Whether he’s telling Alex or trying to reassure himself, Alex doesn’t know, but if it brings Willie piece of mind, Alex will listen to him talk about anything and everything.

“No stamps. The only thing I’ve got on my wrists is this,” he wiggles his other wrist in his peripheral vision, the soulmark proudly on display. “Willie, we aren’t sure how or why it happened, but Julie saved us.”

Willie lets out a laugh that toes the line between joyous and unhinged, probably feeling overwhelmed with the onslaught of information. In the span of a few minutes he’d learned that not only was Alex still here, but he was free from Caleb and was here to stay.

Alex rushes forward and holds onto Willie tightly, if not for himself then for Willie, a physical reminder that Alex was here and wasn’t planning on leaving ever again. It’s like their first, and last, hug – it’s desperate but grounding, a chance for both of them to hold onto the other as hard as they can and never let go.

One of Alex’s arms ends up laying across Willie’s shoulder, his hand right by the back of his neck, and he wants nothing more than to part Willie’s hair and get another look at the mark hidden behind, but Alex curls his fingers instead. His brain is screaming at him to do so many things, say so many things, that it gets to be too much so Alex buries his face in Willie’s neck instead, blocking out everything that isn’t Willie. The other ghost cards his fingers through Alex’s hair gently, his other hand squeezing at his shoulder.

Willie’s touch is almost like magic, instantly soothing his frayed nerves, and it reminds him of the times Luke or Reggie wouldn’t say anything after one of his bad days, but just hold him until the crying and the shaking stopped. The only logical solution for Alex’s brain is that it must just be a side effect of being soulma-

A thought stops Alex dead in his tracks, body tensing up like he’d just had ice cold water dumped on him. He’d never told Willie about the matching marks, he still has no idea if Willie _knows_.

Would Willie still even consider him his soulmate after he finds out Alex doesn’t share the mark anymore? Did Willie even know his mark was gone? Would he hate Alex for giving up his mark so ea-

Alex stops himself before he finishes that thought and tries his best to wrangle his thoughts. Willie’s hand in his hair, still gently stroking, definitely helped Alex reign in that train of thought. It also probably helps that Julie has been helping Alex find ways to cope with his spiraling thoughts, _intrusive thoughts_ she’d called them – Alex trusted Julie with his life, literally and figuratively, so he was willing to try anything she thought of.

She’d suggested trying to see his thoughts from another point of view, which had proven quite useful in the past. So Alex tried to imagine Willie thinking Alex wouldn’t want him anymore because he didn’t have a soulmark, that Alex only cared about the mark and not Willie himself, and that sobered him right back up like a miracle cure, because it was the most ridiculous thing he’d heard in his life, something Willie would probably agree with if Alex told him.

He puts the thoughts to rest, tucking it away for a conversation that they would most likely have to have in the future, in _their_ future. He forces his mind to move on, to latch onto something else, and that something else just so happens to be Lydia’s smiling face, as Alex pictures the look of joy on her face as they talked earlier.

The expression Alex had been able to put on her face with Willie’s help, even inadvertently. He _still_ isn’t sure how Willie managed to swing that, but he’s eternally grateful to him for it.

“Thank you, Willie.” Such a simple thanks but Alex laces it with as much emphasis as he can, somehow gripping Willie even tighter. He hears Willie call his name, a clear question in the few syllables. “Thank you for bringing my sister to the Orpheum – I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

Willie gives a quiet laugh, Alex can feel his mouth move into a smile against his shoulder. “Anything for you,” Alex doesn’t almost hear the whisper, but Willie’s close enough to his ear that he can just make it out. “Besides, it’s what-” He stops himself, his voice somehow getting even quiet, but Alex still hears the aborted thought.

A beat of silence, and then, “what soulmates are for,” Alex finishes for him. Willie stills against him, hands almost detaching themselves from Alex immediately, but Alex keeps his hold on Willie, only letting him go enough to pull back and look him in the eye.

Willie’s reaction looks like a mix between pain and relief – like he’s happy to hear the information but scared of hearing it all the same. Alex can feel one of Willie’s hands slowly creep up his shoulder and move onto his neck, a feather light touch over the bare skin where his mark once was. “Are-are you sure?”

Alex squeezes his hands on reflex, momentarily forgetting he isn’t holding his drumsticks but Willie, before loosening them almost immediately. He isn’t quite sure what Willie’s asking him – is he sure this is what soulmates do? Not entirely. Is he sure Willie’s his soulmate? Without a doubt.

“I-uh… I saw your mark when we were outside the Orpheum. I was hugging you and suddenly I look down and... there it was.”

“Alex,” he would never get tired of hearing Willie say his name. “I-I’m-” He opens his mouth to continue, but shuts his mouth, just looking at Alex with sad eyes.

“I had no clue for the longest time, I kept wondering about who the poor soul who got stuck with me as a dead soulmate. You can imagine the crisis I had once I realized I was thinking about the wrong side,” he chuckles nervously. “But then, you were helping us for the last time, and I just wanted you to know how w- how much _I_ appreciated everything you did for us, so I hugged you as hard as I could, and, well, the rest is history, I guess.”

He steals quick glances at Willie as he’s explaining, trying to gauge whether or not he really does know. Alex is about 90% sure, but he wants to be completely sure of this before he does something that will hurt him, or worse, hurt Willie. He’s relieved when he sees Willie stay relatively calm as he speaks, that small fond smile creeping its way onto his lips the more Alex rambles. There’s something… oddly comforting in Willie’s reaction – like there’s a weight finally lifted off his shoulders and he can finally say something he’s been holding back.

There’s no doubt in Alex’s mind now, his mouth moving faster than his brain when he blurts out, “How long have _you_ known?”

Willie’s eyes widen the slightest bit, surprised at Alex’s direct question, and his smile shrinks , replaced momentarily by a snarl before he reigns it back in. “Since you guys came to the club, ever since I led you right into Caleb’s hands,” he spits out the last few words, not looking at Alex at all.

No matter how many times they tell Willie that they don’t blame him, he tortures himself telling himself the very opposite. It’s something they’ll have to talk about later on, find a way to help him cope with what he’s been through.

“When you asked where I was, when Caleb dragged you guys onto the dancefloor, I was coming up to see you.” That, coupled with the gentle squeeze of his arm, gets a smile out of Alex, the knowledge that Willie wanted to dance with him helping calm his nerves down a bit. “But then, Caleb made sure to turn you around, to show off your mark so I would see it. That’s… that’s why I left that night without saying goodbye, Alex. He waved me off, telling me to get out, and I just didn’t know what to do. I had just found out you had the same soulmark as me and you were so close, but I couldn’t actually get to you.”

Alex can feel Willie’s uneasiness in his grip and in his words, so he motions towards the stone bench nestled against the wall. The moment they sit down, it’s like they’re right back where they started, sitting on the bench, having heartfelt conversations.

Willie sits with his legs crossed on top of the bench, his entire body turned towards Alex. “I figured I would just tell you the next time I saw you, but then I found out you guys got stamped. So I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to...”

“You didn’t want me to take him up on his offer because of you,” Alex finishes the thought for him.

“Alex, I’m so sorry, I should’ve told-”

He turns his body even more towards Willie, grabbing at his hands to hold them in his own. “Willie, we both have things we should’ve done differently. I don’t blame you for this, for _any_ of this. Besides, it’s probably for the best you didn’t tell me,” he looks down as he says it, feeling almost shameful to admit out loud, especially to Willie himself. “I mean, I found out much later than you did, but I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t… considered his offer the moment I knew.”

“No one’s going to get mad at you for thinking about it Alex – there’s a reason so many ghosts join his club. Caleb has a way about him that gets people to trust him, to get them to want all he’s willing to give.” He says the words as if reciting them from memory, and Alex remembers that Willie is still technically under Caleb’s control, Caleb still owns his soul.

“When he, uh kidnapped us, forced us to play with him at the club, he-”

“Wait, what?”

Alex turns to him, confused. “Right before we were supposed to play the Orpheum, Caleb somehow grabbed us and brought us to the club. He did some sort of weird magic and – Weren’t you there that night?”

Willie looks slightly lost at the question. “Why would I be there, Alex?” His expression changes to concern when Alex seems even more shaken by his answer. “Alex, what’s wrong?”

“You weren’t there that night?” Willie shakes his head. “Oh, god, I almost- I almost did-”

“Almost did what?” Willie extends a hand, hovering above Alex but not quite touching just yet, as if afraid of his reaction.

“He told me you were there, that you were waiting for me,” Alex tries his best to ignore the way his voice starts quivering every few words. “He told me that he would give me one last chance, and that you were waiting out in the crowd - Willie _I almost said yes_.” Willie curses under his breath. “The only reason I didn’t was because Luke and Reggie still needed me, and I couldn’t let myself be selfish at their expense.” He turns his face into Willie’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry, Willie, I should’ve known it was a trick – I didn’t mean to imply you were there that -”

“Alex, there are things that we both could’ve done differently, the important thing is that we learn from them,” Willie smiles as he says, no doubt trying – and succeeding, as usual - at cheering Alex up, taking the edge off of his anxiety.

“Hey, where’d you hear that one?”

“A wise, old man told me, of course.” Alex has to resist to swat at his shoulder when he sees Willie wiggle his eyebrow and grin at him like he’s achieved his greatest goal in life.

It’s the same grin Willie had when he was showing Alex around the club, beyond proud of himself that he was able to show off his resourcefulness to Alex so early on in their… whatever this was.

Then, as if Alex’s brain catches up with what he’s thinking, he stills. He looks at Willie, the grin slowly fading but still there, and somehow falls even further for him. “You’ve known about me since the club.” Alex realizes he hadn’t said his entire thought when Willie just chuckles nervously at his statement. “You’ve known about my mark since the club, and you still did everything you could to help us cross over.”

“Of course, Alex. Like I’ve said, I’d do anything for -”

“Even willingly lose your soulmate?” The words act as cold water, sapping the happiness out of Willie’s expression and replacing it with a look of regret. “Willie, I’m not mad,” Alex is quick to reassure him. “I just- you were the one to tell us about crossing over, about our unfinished business. You helped us do all of that, and never said a word about it, even though you knew it meant losing your soulmate,” he swallows, the words feeling like lead on his tongue.

Willie’s face softens and he nods, looking down at his hands instead of Alex. He thrums his fingers against his knuckles, as if they’re trying to let out unspent energy just dying to escape. Alex calls him, asks if he’s alright and Willie just nods. When he looks back up to meet Alex’s eyes, there’s a hint of the smile Alex likes so much, and Alex can’t help but return with a smile of his own.

“Alex, when I was born, I already had my mark, and it was bright and vibrant,” he explains, chuckling softly as Alex’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. He reaches over and settles a hand over top of Alex.

It’s a simple sentence, but what Willie’s implying is enough to make Alex start to drown in his thoughts. It’s only the gentle squeeze of Willie’s hand on his fingers that snaps him out of it. “Don’t you try and run off on me, hotdog,” Willie jokes and even if Alex desperately wants to retort, telling him there’s nowhere else he’d rather be, it eases the tension in his mind and he motions for Willie to continue.

“I don’t ever my mark being bright; my parents were the only ones who really knew what it looked like,” he explains. “I had a colourful soulmark for four minutes before it started fading.”

“I’m sor-”

“Alex, _please_ do not apologize for dying,” Willie interrupts. “I’m not- What I’m trying to say is that, I’ve had a whole lifetime to come to terms with the fact that even though I had a mark, I never really had a soulmate.” The sentiment is one Alex can understand very well, and he isn’t sure if he would prefer his situation or Willie’s. “So when I left you guys at the Orpheum, I just kept telling myself that I would be alright. I was losing my soulmate a second time, but at least this time I would know you were at peace.”

It’s part tragic and part heartwarming to hear that Willie would go through so much just to make sure Alex would be alright.

Every fibre of Alex’s being is telling him to grab onto Willie and never let go; his fingers itch to reach forward, to hold and to keep. A quiet voice in the back of his head calls for more, tells him it’s him he’s able to be a bit selfish. “Willie, c-can I ask you a question?”

Willie hums in response, smiling back at Alex, “Anything for you,” and he _winks_. If Alex wasn’t already dead, he’d swear up and down that Willie was going to be the death of him.

Alex swallows, trying to fight the butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “Can I-Can I kiss you?”

Something close to pride swells in Alex’s chest when he sees Willie sputter, as if not expecting the question, but Alex feels his cheeks heat up almost immediately when his expression shift, and Willie’s smile grows even wider, stretching from ear to ear as he gives out a small breathy chuckle. “Of course you can, Hotdog.”

The moment their lips meet, it’s like nothing else matter except for them, nothing _exists_ outside of the walls of the museum. Willie’s hand snake its way around Alex’s shoulders and rests on the back of his head, while one of Alex’s hands lands on Willie’s knee, the other on his shoulder, scrunching up Willie’s shirt in his hand.

Alex has kissed people before, but kissing Willie is different than Luke and the others – although Alex isn’t sure if he thinks that because of the actual kiss or because it’s _Willie_ – and Alex tells himself he never wants to kiss anyone else ever again. Willie holds Alex like he’s some precious thing, like he’s something Willie doesn’t want to break – holding on tight enough to keep him in place, but still loosely enough that he can wriggle away if he needs to.

The kiss probably lasts a moment or two too long, but honestly, Alex feels like he’s been waiting for a moment like this for so long, he gives himself a pass. They part after a minute and an eternity wrapped into one, and Alex stares at Willie’s lips, the beginnings of a smile already on his face.

Alex will vehemently deny it to the ends of the earth- he’d have to make sure Willie never tells Reggie or Luke - but he _giggles_. He feels giddy, and like he’s floating, high above whatever problems they’d had beforehand.

They fall into a comfortable silence, their hands are still resting on each other, never losing contact, and enjoying each other’s presence. Like the reality of everything sinking in, that they have all the time in the world now to spend with each other, to talk about anything and everything.

Alex looks around the museum, surprising himself with how little he actually knew about this place, considering the few time’s been here, he doesn’t recognize _anything_ – in his defense, both times he’d been here were with Willie, and that in itself was distracting enough to drown everything else out. He scans the room then turns back to Willie, only to find Willie already looking at him.

His eyes trail the contours of Alex’s face, studying every single mark. The look on his face is so full of adoration that Alex shies away, his cheeks burning up instantly. He wishes he’d brought his hoodie, if only to try and let it swallow him up, Willie seemed to know exactly how to make him squirm, and Alex was playing right into his hands.

“It’s a miracle I haven’t gotten kicked out of this museum yet,” Willie says after a moment, probably relishing in the way Alex responds to even the slightest of looks. “Don’t they usually frown upon people touching the masterpieces?”

“Oh my god,” Alex snorts, swatting at his shoulder lightly. “That just might be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Is that a challenge?” He wiggles his eyebrows gaudily. “Because I can assure you, there’s _plenty_ more where that came from.”

“Well, on the bright side, I guess you’ll have plenty of time to figure out which ones work and which ones don’t. I mean, I can tell you right now none of them will work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try.” Alex gives a wink of his own, laughing at the look of mock hurt Willie puts on, his hand clutching at his chest.

“Ye of little faith,” he murmurs before dropping the façade. “But you do have a point, we have _all the time in the world_.”

Something about those words makes Alex’s heart flutter even more, his hand subconsciously moving to rest on Willie’s shoulder. He cards his fingers through his hair gently, and his fingers brush against Willie’s neck. He can’t see it, but Alex knows the soulmark is there, hidden behind Willie’s hair.

“Willie, can I tell you a secret?” His tone must give something away because Willie immediately leans forward, hands clutching Alex firmly as he nods. “I don’t- I didn’t- You should-” He knows Willie won’t be mad at him, but Alex still has trouble getting the words out, the right ones always slipping just past his tongue. “My soulmark is... gone.”

He isn’t sure what kind of reaction he was expecting from Willie, but silence was not one of them. He just hums gently, but his hands never leave Alex.

Alex can’t bear the silence that follows, it’s unlike the silences from before that he has an urge to fill the void. “It faded away completely, uh, when Caleb forced us to play with him. He told me he’d give me one last chance to-to join him, after Luke and Reggie had already left, and when I told him no he- he-” Alex groans in frustration. His hand itches to scratch at his neck but he keeps it where it is. “He reached out and grabbed my neck and… burned the rest of it away, he told me I wouldn’t be needing it anymore, anyway.”

As the last few words leave his mouth, he feels Willie’s grip tighten slightly, and he think he even heard a curse or two muttered under his breath, but other than that, there’s no visible change to Willie’s demeanor – Alex isn’t sure if it’s a good thing or not.

“I had a feeling that was the case,” Willie says, which doesn’t surprise Alex all that much, but what does surprise him is that Willie isn’t looking at him. For the short time he’s known Willie, whenever they talk, Willie’s attention is usually wholly centered on Alex, something that makes every conversation so much more intimate – it’s not that Alex needs to have Willie’s attention when they talk, but it’s almost unnerving seeing the other ghost stare off into the distance, gaze unfocused. “Your mark was already faded when you met Caleb, yours was always going to disappear first. I’m sor-”

“No.”

The single word seems to break Willie out of his trance, his eyes falling back onto Alex.

“If I can’t apologize for dying, then you sure as hell can’t either.”

Willie just nods in response, smiling at the sudden burst of emotion from Alex. “Alex, seriously though, it doesn’t matter to me if you don’t have a mark, hell, it wouldn’t matter to me if you had a different mark. I knew I liked you long before I found out about your mark,” he explains. _There’s a lot to, umm, like here_ , Willie had said that night at the club, and if Alex wasn’t already head over heels, he’d be falling over himself all over again.

“The mark doesn’t get to tell you who you care about.”

Alex wonders if his life will splinter out, divide into a time _before_ Willie and _after_ Willie. His life had been divided up so many times; before and after Luke and Reggie, their soulmark, death, Julie. Alex can’t wait to explore the time _after_ having met Willie.

“Who knows, maybe we were destined to meet, maybe we were never meant to. There’s no way of telling that now – sorry, Hotdog, you’re stuck with me,” he laughs, softening the edges of the serious tone.

“Oh what ever will I do to put up with such an injustice,” Alex laments, throwing an arm over his eyes. He steals a glance under his arm, then quickly raises it back when he sees Willie chuckling.

“That’s how you’re gonna play this? Well, I’d hoped it wouldn’t resort to this, but it must be done.” Alex has all of 2 milliseconds before Willie lurches forward, his fingers making contact with his side and tickling him.

Alex immediately curls into himself, trying to fend off the assault. “I knew that was a bad idea!” he gets out between breathy laughs, trying to push Willie away but enjoying every second of it.

Willie stops for a moment, pondering Alex’s words, “I mean, yeah, probably,” and he’s right back to tickling him, although less aggressively.

The movement rustles something from his pocket, the piece of paper falling to the floor. It pulls their attention, Willie already reaching out to pick up the page. He unfurls it slowly, careful of the worn edges, and looks slightly confused. “Alex, what’s this?” He turns the page over, and Alex is faced with Julie’s drawing of his soulmark, the one Alex had almost forgotten about completely.

“When you told us our marks were going to eventually fade, I, uh, asked Julie if she would be able to draw it for me… so I could see it for the first time before it faded away.”

“It’s a beautiful drawing, even prettier than the real thing – I’d always wondered what the mark would look like bright and colourful,” Willie says, a fondness lacing his voice, despite the somber context of his words, as his finger trails along the intricate design.

An idea rushes into Alex’s brain, one so spontaneous that he worries about himself, before remembering he’d heard the idea once before. “We could- we could make our own mark.”

Willie shoots him a questioning look, and Alex realizes some information got lost between his brain and his mouth. “We- we pick our own mark, what it looks like, where it goes, so it’s really something that’s _ours_. Because _we_ choose who we care about.” He waves his inked wrist as proof of his claims.

The mark is still the best thing to happen to him, something permanently tying him to Luke and Reggie – and although his potential mark with Willie won’t replace that, Alex will gladly tie himself to Willie just the same.

“You- you mean that?” Alex isn’t sure he’s seen Willie this flustered before – he looks on the verge of tears, but giddy all the same. Alex is only able to nod before Willie grabs onto him tightly, hugging him once again with all the strength he can muster. “I will gladly get matching marks with you, Alex,” he says before giving Alex a quick peck on the lips.

Alex can’t wait to see the looks on everyone’s faces when he shows them his new soulmark – he’s thinking of getting it on his other wrist, metaphorically holding onto Willie with one hand and Reggie and Luke with the other.

He and Willie both erupt into smiles and laughter, both brimming with excitement and complete adoration for the other.

It’d taken a long time to get to this point, but Alex wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. His entire life he’d grown up feeling like something was missing, like he’d been holding his breath in, waiting for the right moment to exhale.

Having found Julie, Willie, Reggie and Luke, his _family_ , Alex had never been happier to take a breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... this is it, folks!  
> Sad to see this story go but I'm happy I was able to finish it! Here's the last 9k of this story!   
> Had a blast writing this story - what started out as an idea for a one shot quickly unravelled and became... this.  
> Thanks to everyone who has commented and left kudos, its all much appreciated :)
> 
> As always, let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from 'I Wouldn't Mind' by He is We - it's the perfect song because it applies in some way to each of the relationships in this fic, platonic and not.
> 
> I should be able to upload at least once a week. Depending on school and work, that could easily change, but I'll try my best!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


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